02 Oct 2012, 7:58 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Without going into detail about last night's highly successful date, let's just say that being a WP member and absorbing all I have learned really came in handy. I was quickly able to identify that my date had numerous Autistic traits and now I see firsthand WHY I was constantly rejected my whole life by women... until last night 
For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.
On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether.
She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.
I agree with your post but what do you think is the solution?In your case it seems like you were successful because you happened to meet a woman who was a lot like you and was likely sympathetic to your awkwardness.I think it might be better to focus on women who are Aspie like instead of trying to completely overhaul one's mannerism's.It's a long road to hoe to think you can completely remake yourself when in all likelihood there is a woman who will accept you the way you are right now. Believe it or not there are women out there who will love your Aspie like qualities:the shyness,the monotone voice ,in your case it seems like you have found one.Congrats!! For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.
On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether.
She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.
02 Oct 2012, 8:53 pm
Thanks for the kind words. I'm still not sure it's going to work but it's been a fun ride so far no matter what happens. I'm getting mixed messages but she has made it quite clear even though she usually waits until a committed relationship I should be able to hand in my V-card next week. She's even more of an oddball than me and I'm sure some people must think I need my head examined for going out with a socially immature 22 year old but it's not like I care what anyone thinks. Besides, she's a pretty good kisser!
She seems to "get" me but I should point out I specifically looked for Aspie women before and was always instantly rejected or blocked. Maybe I had bad luck but they seemed to downright hate me. What's the solution? I communicated with someone with no photo who complained about not being able to find a "nice guy" and had an overall bitterness in her profile. Turns out she's brutally honest and unable to lie much like myself and is a fellow (short ) hockey fan. She definitely has the most monotone voice I have ever heard in my life and her body screams "I don't care for you at all" so if that's how I present myself it's no wonder I can't build that attraction.
02 Oct 2012, 10:59 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Thanks for the kind words. I'm still not sure it's going to work but it's been a fun ride so far no matter what happens. I'm getting mixed messages but she has made it quite clear even though she usually waits until a committed relationship I should be able to hand in my V-card next week.
Sweet! Good luck! Hopefully she is more approachable in bed
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,175
Location: California, United States
03 Oct 2012, 2:47 pm
05 Oct 2012, 6:17 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.
Because I am 47 and don't date I cannot say too much but reading that younger people experience issues whilst they are not good helps me understand what happened in the past and what to manage now and in the future.
Thank you for writing that Giant. The point is I did, and still do, send mix messages not just with dating even though I don't but friendships, work, university etc etc. I say one thing but appear to do another. I still reject a lot of people but I also find working on a 'gut' feeling is still wise. How to balance that is the challenge. Point is, you recognised why something happened and stopped the past pattern, at least at that point. That is good cure/management whatever so thanks for posting that as it makes me feel not such a failure that I did or said certain things or actions that made me look cold, disinterested and alarmingly insulting so people ran away.
Actually some that ran away was actually a good thing
not saying they were all bad and terrible but a few times I have dodge a bullet.
05 Oct 2012, 6:19 pm
05 Oct 2012, 6:37 pm
05 Oct 2012, 8:10 pm
05 Oct 2012, 11:04 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Thanks for the kind words. I'm still not sure it's going to work but it's been a fun ride so far no matter what happens. I'm getting mixed messages but she has made it quite clear even though she usually waits until a committed relationship I should be able to hand in my V-card next week. She's even more of an oddball than me and I'm sure some people must think I need my head examined for going out with a socially immature 22 year old but it's not like I care what anyone thinks. Besides, she's a pretty good kisser!
She seems to "get" me but I should point out I specifically looked for Aspie women before and was always instantly rejected or blocked. Maybe I had bad luck but they seemed to downright hate me. What's the solution? I communicated with someone with no photo who complained about not being able to find a "nice guy" and had an overall bitterness in her profile. Turns out she's brutally honest and unable to lie much like myself and is a fellow (short ) hockey fan. She definitely has the most monotone voice I have ever heard in my life and her body screams "I don't care for you at all" so if that's how I present myself it's no wonder I can't build that attraction.
I'd say that's the way it goes for most guys.Most men are going to ''crash and burn'' often before they meet a woman who ''gets'' them.I am not sure why the other Aspie women you mentioned turned you down but obviously this one is interested.I am sure I present myself exactly like you do :monotone voice,uninterested body language but that's part of being an Aspie,I guess. She seems to "get" me but I should point out I specifically looked for Aspie women before and was always instantly rejected or blocked. Maybe I had bad luck but they seemed to downright hate me. What's the solution? I communicated with someone with no photo who complained about not being able to find a "nice guy" and had an overall bitterness in her profile. Turns out she's brutally honest and unable to lie much like myself and is a fellow (short
) hockey fan. She definitely has the most monotone voice I have ever heard in my life and her body screams "I don't care for you at all" so if that's how I present myself it's no wonder I can't build that attraction.
06 Oct 2012, 11:14 am
I certainly would never say that no man has ever had setbacks, but I have to rank near the top. Well liked and respected with good looks but 0 for 7 before this one with only one awkward first date to show for my efforts. What made it most frustrating of all is that I was never even given a chance. Lets just say that I want to go up to all the girls who rejected me and tell them about my *ahem* hidden skills and what they missed out on. I may lack experience but that didn't stop my GF from repeatedly saying she couldn't believe it was my first time because she was completely satisfied both times
I'm still puzzled as to why the probable Aspie women rudely rejected me though. I mean I was almost word for word what they were looking for and I would have assumed they would understand my quirks. Guess not!
06 Oct 2012, 11:55 am
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I certainly would never say that no man has ever had setbacks, but I have to rank near the top. Well liked and respected with good looks but 0 for 7 before this one with only one awkward first date to show for my efforts. What made it most frustrating of all is that I was never even given a chance. Lets just say that I want to go up to all the girls who rejected me and tell them about my *ahem* hidden skills and what they missed out on. I may lack experience but that didn't stop my GF from repeatedly saying she couldn't believe it was my first time because she was completely satisfied both times
I'm still puzzled as to why the probable Aspie women rudely rejected me though. I mean I was almost word for word what they were looking for and I would have assumed they would understand my quirks. Guess not!
I'm still puzzled as to why the probable Aspie women rudely rejected me though. I mean I was almost word for word what they were looking for and I would have assumed they would understand my quirks. Guess not!
Don't think about that too much and enjoy what you are living now. Sometimes we try to date people that don't like us, sometimes is bad luck, and a lot of times people don't value what they have in front of their eyes. But now a girl appreciates you, so enjoy and forget women who rejected you, they are unimportant. Surely if you told them about your hidden skills... they wouldn't care. The worst part of a lot of rejections is the indifference, the "I don't care about you" face.
06 Oct 2012, 3:47 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
I certainly would never say that no man has ever had setbacks, but I have to rank near the top. Well liked and respected with good looks but 0 for 7 before this one with only one awkward first date to show for my efforts. What made it most frustrating of all is that I was never even given a chance. Lets just say that I want to go up to all the girls who rejected me and tell them about my *ahem* hidden skills and what they missed out on. I may lack experience but that didn't stop my GF from repeatedly saying she couldn't believe it was my first time because she was completely satisfied both times
I'm still puzzled as to why the probable Aspie women rudely rejected me though. I mean I was almost word for word what they were looking for and I would have assumed they would understand my quirks. Guess not!
It is amazing how someone with AS can have so much going for them [good looks,well liked] yet still struggle getting into romantic relationships.Flirting seems to be a subtle language that Aspie's are oblivious to.Perhaps those setbacks were all learning experiences for you and they prepared you for the woman you are with now.Glad it worked out for you,it is great to hear a success story! I'm still puzzled as to why the probable Aspie women rudely rejected me though. I mean I was almost word for word what they were looking for and I would have assumed they would understand my quirks. Guess not!
equestriatola
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Joined: 13 Aug 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 138,837
Location: Half of me is in the Washington state, the other Los Angeles.
06 Oct 2012, 8:26 pm
GiantHockeyFan wrote:
Without going into detail about last night's highly successful date, let's just say that being a WP member and absorbing all I have learned really came in handy. I was quickly able to identify that my date had numerous Autistic traits and now I see firsthand WHY I was constantly rejected my whole life by women... until last night
For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.
On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether. She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.
For starters, when I introduced myself (I had no idea what she looked like) and offered my hand she gave it the weakest shake imaginable while looking away from me. She also spoke in a very monotone voice (almost like she was depressed) and never made any 'warm' facial expressions and didn't make direct eye contact. My subconscious reaction is "what is &!$@ is wrong with her? Why is she so darn cold and disinterested already?". Once I got to know her I picked up on her Aspie-ness but before that I was really taken back and assumed she was repulsed by me like every other girl because she didn't seem the least bit interested. It literally seemed like she was just going through the motions like it was a class project.
On top of that, she mentioned today that she 'couldn't figure me out' until about 7 hours in and then it dawned on me. I was finally able to truly see what she was talking about as she gave me the same 'vibes' at first. I've mentioned before that women must be puzzled because I'm a walking contradiction but until she told me as such, I never fully understood. She even called this morning and sounded very bored and disinterested but once I hung up with her let's just say her text messages told a different story altogether.
She struggled to say things to my face but she was VERY open and direct in her messages, which I now understand is because she was very nervous and I couldn't pick up on it. Without WP, I would have rejected her as disinterested and continued on doing the same unsuccessful things over and over and I still wouldn't have picked up on the reason why I am still single is because I send mixed messages and that subconsciously scares women away.Well, that's one Q answered for me......... but I will try my hardest; despite my shortcomings!
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WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
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Posts: 2,175
Location: California, United States
06 Oct 2012, 9:07 pm
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