Are you polygamous or monogamous?

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I have always considered myself to be monogamous,but lately I've wondered about what it would be like to have more than one siggie and if I want to try that or not.


-SpaceCase

I'm monogamous. VERY monogamous. If I fancy someone I cannot find anyone else even remotely attractive. It's not that I think there's anything wrong with polyamoury per se, it's just the way I am.

I'm not really sure, if I had a Girlfriend it wouldn't be a problem if she had one too, but anything more than that for either of us probably wouldn't work out so well.

As of now I'm not either, in the sense that I am not in any type of relationship. I do feel that I value monogamy considerably less than many other people, though.

Currently I am not in a requited romantic relationship (nor have I yet been in one). Should this ever change, I wish to be monogamous; I do not wish to betray my prospective girlfriend/wife. That said I am afraid that I may be inwardly fickle, despite never having had a girlfriend to betray. I have been told that some of that (thinking about more than one girl) is normal. I tend to be obsessive with regard to unrequited love. Friendship is better, and without it romantic love (probably not even love without friendship) is surely unlikely to last very long. It's just that friendship can be complicated by infatuations/love/obsession/whatever it is. I would like to spend the rest of my life with someone. I am glad I can still be friends with the person I am trying to get over (I cannot be her boyfriend as she already has one whom she would never betray,and it is wrong to think about her in this way).

Difficult one as on the one hand, I consider that love should be given freely, and that it is just...somehow unnatural for a person to restrict their love to one person. I mean, like it or not, even most who are monogamous will probably at some point have feelings for another. They simply do not act on those feelings. So in one sense, I see monogamy as a restriction on love, but on another, I have to admit that I am not yet at a point where I would be happy if someone I was with had another relationship or two going on. And I myself tend to only have eyes for one person at a given time anyway, although I did, when with my ex, meet someone online with whom I shared a very strong connection which made it very difficult..but my relationship with my ex was pretty much that of roommates by then anyway and the guy online was the first to have shown me gentleness and love... ex didn't really do that, being an aspie too.

In theory, I am monogamous... I think.

In practice, I have no data from which to draw a valid conclusion.

"I do not wish to betray my prospective girlfriend/wife."

Well that's great because Polamory (The Plural?), has nothing to do with betrayal, if you sleep around with people behind their back that isn't Polyamory, that's infidelity, a Polamorous relationship would have both individuals consent. Honestly I don't see how people can confuse Polyamory with Infidelity as being synonyms, it's so bloody simple.

One of these days I'm going to bludgeon some sense into the general population, then they'll see.

I've never understood the mindset that says it's only possible to love one person at a time. I think it's a kind of mental brainwashing imposed on people by the church. I want to know who came up with the idea that eery person will meet someone who is capable of meeting their every physical and emotional need, and whose physical and emotional needs they are in turn capable of perfectly and completely meeting.

My personal experience and the evidence of divorce rates is that in the real world, it just doesn't happen, and we're lying to ourselves and to each other if we try to pretend that it does.

Divorce rates I'm sure have got lots to do with people's expectations in a relationship.People nowadays I think are more selfish than they used to be years ago when divorce rates were lower.

The concept of 'Mr/Mrs Right' is a fallacy, for most people (thinking here of NT's) there are probably loads of possible Mr/Mrs Right's,it depends on their expectations whether or not they will be happy with them.There should instead be a more realistic attitude of 'good enough.'How many people are perfect?
Most have relationships with and marry people who live close to where they live so it shows that for most people it's not too hard to find someone they are suited to,rather harder it seems is keeping the relationship going when the 'honeymoon period is over.

Us aspie males of course have it far harder and there will be fewer romantic possibilities open to us because of our social difficulties and therefore it's likely many would have to look further afield for suitable partners,and it's likely aspie's are more faithful to their partners generally.
Another relevant factor in this topic is our western throwaway culture,if you don't like something you get rid of it or with partners divorce them and move on to someone else.

Most people don't bother to even know the person they live with or marry which is why the divorce rate is so high. They marry for physical attraction which is insufficient for a living together arrangement. I didn't marry based on that, nor did my husband. As for polygamy (which is not the same as polyamory, one meaning many loves and the other many spouses) or polyamory, I have no use for that and would dump my husband if he even brought it up. There wouldn't be a discussion, it would just be over. Having said that, he's too obsessed with me still after all these years to go there. That's not his nature at all and of the two of us, I would be the one most likely to be capable of that, but I won't. All of that dating, romantic, love stuff is messy and many times nasty in the end. It's a pipe dream to think you are going to keep that civilized. I couldn't even do that dating more than one guy at a time. There's always jealousy and anger that can boil over into violence. It's ugly and not worth it. The truth of it is that while they may look good, I am not going to be able to live with them unless they are just like my husband so why bother with it? The chances of a guy being a better lover are pretty abysmal to say the least and I am no one's teacher or momma. I don't have the time or inclination to do that, nor do I have the time or inclination to find out if they are one of the very few who are exceptions. Women who do that are looking for some romantic, mushy feeling and not sex. They aren't going into it for the same reason a man would. Since I already get all the romantic, mushy stuff now, I'm certainly not going to look at some guy who statistically stands only a minuscle chance of being better. I already don't know what to do with the romanic, mushy crap. I don't need any more of it mucking up my life.

Maybe it's an experience thing. My parents were married for 52 years (until my father died) and he was obsessed with my mother until the day he died. My aunt, to whom I was closest, was married 47 years (until she died) and her husband was completely obsessed with her (still is even after she is gone). It isn't all about love or sex or any of that when it comes to living together day in and day out; it's about finding a person you can actually picture wanting to live with day in and out for years on end. That is very rare and if you are lucky enough to find it, you should hold on to it because chances are that you won't find such a thing again.

Otherwise, they are all just <insert name here> and drive you up the wall until you dump them.

Last edited by ZanneMarie on 08 Mar 2007, 2:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I'm polyamorous in terms of emotion, but as far as the actual sexual part, I'm not sure what I am.

Monogamy all the way, for me. It has nothing to do with church brainwashing. I'm naturally over-protective and a bit posessive of what little friends I have and what friends I make. It's not neediness, I think, but more of the fact that I highly value any relationship, romantic or not, I'm in. Anyone who would violate the bonds that were formed for that relationship would pretty much upset me greatly, and I'd drop them like a hot s**t sandwich.

For me, it would probably be even moreso when it came to romance. Then again, I don't see love and marriage in my future, and I really don't care either way if it happens or not. I'm happy, regardless if I'm single or not.

The way things are now days it would be far easer to survive with a three people income coming into the household, and if one got pregnant then she could stay home until and after the child is born, with two lady's and one male the lady's could switch off on staying home and child rearing and having children, the task of home keeping would be much easer with 3 people as well.

For me, it just seems wrong for there to be two guys and one girl, she wouldn't know who was the father for sure until test was done or the differences in the males was enough you could see it in the child, not only that but men tend to be vary territorial when it comes to their mates, secondly I am not gay or bi-sexual, there have been many times the girl was on the rag and she did not feel right having intercourse while bleeding (while it does not bother me) and I thought of how nice it would be to have another girl around, and times when the girl got pissy and says fine, no nookie for you tonight, where if another girl was around then a man could just go see if the other girl is interested, or the girl is just not in the mood, then I could just always switch off, now if both was pissy then perhaps I would deserve not getting laid, and many times if there was a disagreement a 3rd party vote would be a good tie breaker in a democratic household or when one is not being fair.

many girls when they marry end up having to move away from friends and family to the males home or place or to where the males family was settled, losing contact over time with their friends and such, relationships over time seem to dissolve many friendships over time, friendships that could last a life time, now if two life long friends wanted to stay with each other for life then it seems simply they both choosing one male as a mate would help settle that issue, also, twins or sisters whom want to stay close for life, or any thing like that could be resolved that way.
now if a girl is bi-sexual then she could have the best of both worlds if they both enjoyed a male as well and could settle for a male to love and share and be with together,
or if the male was not in the mood or around for a while they could enjoy each other,
or when a girl needs comforting by another friend or lady or lover then she would have her friend to turn to, or to just enjoy talking with another female.

the bad part of it all is that for the male, if the girls ganged up on him he would be in a hell.
esp if they both had PMS together, poor male.

Now this kind of life I could live with hehe,
but do not get me wrong,
just because a male could fancy living in that kind of relationship
does not mean he has high potential for cheating,
I have never cheated once in all my years and relationships,
but sadly enough I have been cheated on a few times.
part of me wonders even that if I was in a 3 party relationship
if that 3rd party added would have prevented the wondering
exploring eye of the cheaters.

LOL That's pretty funny. Do women go for that crap? Well, I guess they do or they wouldn't have Mormon sects that practice it. Then again, they marry those girls off when they are too young to protest and load them up with kids to keep them there. Oh well...






I don't think so because cheating is really about the thrill that comes with lying and doing something "wrong." That's what they like about it. So, that probably wouldn't stop it.

I don't know any males who could handle having 2 women. Especially not in such close proximity and in that sort of arrangement. lol

The only way a relationship with 2 women and 1 man could work is if the women live in separate households and they work out an arrangement as to which days the man will stay with them. I do know a few people who are polygamous and that's how they have worked it out.