My Aspie Never Asked How I Was During My Hospital Stay

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Well it's done and over with. I sent her a text last night asking why she could talk to random strangers on tumblr, but she couldn't even be bothered to reply to any of my messages. I told her that I thought I was deserving of a response, and an honest one at that. I told her to tell me the truth, even if she thought it was something I wouldn't want to hear. No response at all. Noyhing. I'm upset and disappointed, hurt and a little mad too. It's not easy for me to trust people, and I trusted her and she broke it. I just don't understand why she did what she did. Especially after saying she was never one to walk away from someone. Oh well. I won't let a bad experience with her turn me off from aspies. I know all aspies can't be like that. Time to go off and nurse my wounds on this one. Thanks for all the advice, guys.

I don't think you can really expect a significant other to visit you at the hospital unless you've been in a serious relationship for a while. To draw an extreme, would you expect a one-night stand to come to the hospital if you became ill a few days/weeks after hooking up with her?

Again, I have no idea how serious your relationship was but that's the first thing that came to mind when I saw she cut you off.

So sorry to hear about the pain of your situation. Only your friend can answer your questions but unfortunately she may not be able to do so now.

I have a male aspie friend who is my business partner and he has been in an emotional shutdown with me for 2.5 months. I saw him in a similar situation a year ago with someone he was seeing and it went on for 4 months. He has been in a multi year shutdown with his oldest son, also an aspie.

I get text messages every now and then but they are mostly argumentative. He does not know how to "fix" the situation and neither do I.

My advice. Occasionally send a nice message. "Hope you are well" And go on with finding others to occupy your time. Exercise, meditate. I am continuing with the business alone.

Oh my goodness reading your post is like my own only we don't mention labels because it is so much easier. I was in intensive care unit and seriously ill and my Aspie said he was in Bristol which I knew was a lie because he uses Bristol in his lies (and doesn't get I have a good memory!) this was ages ago though in the beginnings of our relationship after a stress attck of his when he was in a shutdown (damn us in hospital and them in a shutdown is never good timing is it?!?!)

Anyway, he told me much later that he was scared of hospitals and panicked and also didn't want to come in case he couldn't give me what I expected which was a shoulder to cry on as he knew it was very serious, I was on oxygen and had lots of drips,

I would say, that this probably frightens her and is a bit overwhelming for her so don't jump to conclusions do hang in there.... I don't bother talking to many people about my relationship with my Aspie because he is labelled by so many "unlovable" because he pushes everyone away, it is a challenge but he is worth it and as I stick to my guns he and I are getting closer.

It can be hurtful I know but do pm me if you ever need to rant/chat/ voice off etc .

I am an aspergers woman and can relate to your hurt acutely. I was hospitalised in 2012 after two small strokes. My Aspergers boyfriend (whom I had been in a relationship with for 25 years) never visited me, asked how I was, and said he was "busy". I am solicitous and supportive to all my friends when they experience illness/major setbacks.

That was it for the relationship. I came out of hospital, made a complete recovery, and ended the relationship. He accused me of "just playing teenage games". He is still trying to weasel his way back into my life as if nothing happened. No way would I have him back, not ever.

I don't think it was his ASD as much as his narcissism. When he wanted support, I was always the first port of call, when I needed support, he was nowhere to be seen.

I'm glad I saw the light and dumped him. Am much happier now and with someone who loves and cares about me - also an ASD man. So they are not all bad! The current partner is much younger than the former partner. So there are some generational attitudes at work in this too - many men of the age of my former partner (born 1940) were totally into the double standard, expected women to wait on them, never the reverse - so I am well rid of him

BPD tends to involve maximum-levels of emotional dependence, pervasive attention-seeking and validation, unrestricted manipulation tactics and explosive fears of abandonment at the slightest reduction in interaction. Aspies often have difficulty grasping the nature of feelings (especially in others), are repelled by failure to respect our 'alone time', very easily manipulated and are often accused of being aloof/distant. You couldn't ask for a worse match regarding these base stereotypes - but a horrible match is "perfect" for the BPD case because it will provide endless fuel to habitually destroy themselves with. I cannot emphasize enough how BPD and AS should never mix.

B19: I'm glad you were able to break it off with the guy. He was rather a creep, if you ask me. People with ASDs do care about other people (Maybe they have to be reminded, though).

She is just a selfish cow. Move on.