Why do men want a relationship?

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Who is this at?

EDIT: If at me, then I can see how you got confused at my original post (I'm assuming you're talking about my OP since you didn't quote anything). I made it early in the morning when I was tired. I'm offended at men who groan and complain about not being in a relationship but at the same time view relationships as just the opportunity to have sex as opposed to having a mutual love and respect with their companion.

EDIT2: Posted a disclaimer at the top of my OP to hopefully avoid any further confusion. Though I'm still not sure if you were referring to me or not!

Yes. I mean, I can't know for sure what's going on in someone else's head, but that's how I've interpreted a lot of the talk about virginity.

There are those that genuinely have a belief in monogamy, caring relationships where sex is reserved for a spouse or long term partner. - (Real Nice Guy).

Unfortunately there are also those that are deluded enough to believe those are their principles when really the relationship is as you say a vehicle for sex, touchy feely time and "I haz a relashunship!" on Facebook moments. - (Person that thinks they're a "Nice Guy" and has moral standards but subconsciously they're insecure, needy, want to remove negative status about themselves and are shielding this from their minds by hiding behind the Real Nice Guy's moral and ethical codes of relationships).

So yeah..watch out for the virgins that groan about being single or a virgin.

Usually people do place "undue" importance on this or that. Delete the adjective "undue," and you are on your way to a solution. We cannot decide what is important to others - no matter how stupid they seem (or even are). Besides, take a closer, unbiased look, and you might see that there is far more to the picture.

Simple fact is - most human males want to seem as sexually successful as possible because being sexually successful aids a male in getting jobs, getting promotions, getting access to money and power - and, perhaps best of all, getting the pick of partners for his bed.

For a human male to be a virgin beyond a certain age is a mark of shame, like it or not. To admit that he is a virgin might get points for a man's honesty rating - but that is outweighed by becoming an object both for pity and ridicule.

These facts may not appeal to our exalted concept of what a human being is - or, rather, what a human being should be - but facts are facts: the human being is an evolved animal, a mammal, a primate, an ape, a great ape, a hominid - and the human being's survival has been guaranteed by its evolution as a gregarious animal which places great importance on social status - again, like it or not.

Sex is about far more than reproduction - or even physical gratification. It is tied into the one thing that the human animal truly treasures: power,













t

No. But people can decide what is important to themselves. And I think worrying far too much about something that doesn't make or break your life is absolutely silly.



Oh, please do explain this and why you believe this to be true.



I don't like it therefore it's not a mark of shame. I decide when to feel ashamed. Any healthy person would not let others judge their life through the lens of "virgin or no virgin". To let it be a mark of shame indicates someone who can not feel happiness unless being accepted by others. Dangerous to be that way. You clearly have never met confident virgins. I have. I'm not saying I'm one of them because sometimes it does get under my skin when some douchebag tells me I'm not a man. But I remind myself I am a man regardless of whether someone other than me thinks I'm not.



I won't touch that one as I'm not here to launch a religion-tinged debate. We'll have to agree to disagree on this.



Sex is about far more than reproduction - or even physical gratification. Nor is it about power (unless you like S&M).

It's about intimacy and love and sharing both of those with your significant other.

Last edited by Taverson on 21 Oct 2012, 3:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.

"Sex is about far more than reproduction - or even physical gratification. It is tied into the one thing that the human animal truly treasures: power"


Um... No. I don't give a flying f**k about power, and I fail to see how sex has anything to do with power unless you're trying to rape somebody. It's about intimacy and love, and the fact that it feels really good to have my penis milked by a wet, pulsating vagina.













t[/quote]

What makes you think that it is not so? - the fact that men do not brag about their sexual experiences? - the fact that men do not exaggerate about the quantity and quality of their sexual experiences? - the fact that men are not offended to the point of becoming violent if their sexual prowess is questioned? - or is it the fact that fathering as many children w/as many women as possible is not proof of a man's virility in so many of the world's cultures? ... There is such a lack of evidence pointing to the male's concern w/sex and the male's reputation as a lover that if was very irresponsible of me to make any such connections.




What you do not like decides for the rest of the male population?



No, I've not met any confident virgins; in fact, I have yet to meet a male over the age of 15 who was willing to admit that he was a virgin ... As I said, the truth about human nature is quite different from society's vaunted ideals. Take a close look at advertizing: there you will find the business that literally preys on human weaknesses. Billions of dollars are made every year by the raptors who populate the offices on Madison Avenue. People will fork over huge sums to make themselves more attractive - how they look, how they smell, how trendy they are, how "savvy" they would be if only they would purchase this or that. Face lifts, wrinkle creams, breast enlargements, penis enlargements, nose jobs - "Oh, please, make me look like so and so!" Look at the tabloids: there they are, lined up in your grocery store checkout. As ugly as it might be - those tabloids say more about human nature than any heartwarming Hallmark Hall of Fame episode ... I do not say that you are not a man. Personally, I do not care about your sex life. But - I am not willing to turn a blind eye to the world. I see its beauty - and its warts.





Fine.





Most of the sex that people have is NOT w/significant others - but w/as many other partners as possible - and this includes after marriage and its accompanying vows.

At least half of all marriages end in divorce - and, most of the time, those divorces are about infidelity. How many of the marriages that do not end in divorce do you think are untouched by infidelity?

Power is a great concern in most lives - again, like it or not. Power and status are enormously important to most human beings. The proof is all about you. How many people do not become unglued if a coworker gets promoted to the corner office? To think that love is untouched by the power dynamic is to be willingly naive. How many couples do you know who do not play head games? How many men/women are unaware that guilt is a powerful tool for getting what they want from their mates?

People are what they are - not what we would like them to be.

As they are - there is a great deal to love about them. People do love. People are kind. People are generous. Sometimes.

Historically - how many kings married for love?
Nowadays - how many billionaires marry w/o a prenup agreement?

If you have no position and possessions to protect, well, sure - love can afford to be blind.













t[/quote][/quote]

Last edited by maroptmax on 21 Oct 2012, 5:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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You don't mention how this helps people get jobs, promotions, money, power, or the pick of partners.




Don't separate one of my points to make it appear I am deciding for the whole male population. The continuation of that paragraph explains that I wasn't deciding for anyone else other than myself. Simply because I have enoug maturity to know that I am a man despite my virginity and I do not need to lose my virginity to be accepted by others.



Well you just met a twenty year old man who does not allow himself to suffer because of being a virgin. Now it's you who is deciding that every male over the age of fifteen who still has his virginity is not confident. Now it's you deciding what goes on in the male mind, regardless of who it is. And because you haven't met them, it does not mean you can be sure they don't exist. You are not an ultimate authority over anyone or how they think - except yourself. If you would be suffering from a lack of confidence because you didn't have sex, then that is you and I regret you feel the need to measure up to someone else's standards as opposed to your own.

Life does not hinge on virginity or lack thereof.

Life is what you make it with what opportunities are given to you.

Putting too many eggs in the basket of one outcome to decide if you will be confident or not is simply stacking the deck against yourself.

Life may not hinge on virginity, but to an younger guy's self worth and perceived social status it is number one.

Self worth being the critical phrase here, forget the bullying and general mark of shame, it's how the guy personally rates himself that does the most damage, because if he sees himself as weak, unmanly, unlovable then these guys get dangerous, either towards themselves or others. Society in many forms have laid the social rules of virginity for guys - lose it by 16 or keep the shame to yourself.

I'll wear my "shame" on my sleeve quite proudly.

Kings who did "pretty much whatever the hell they wanted" very often ended up dead - or at least got forced to sign things like "Magna Carta." More than one king got excommunicated and wound up crawling up the cathedral steps on his knees to beg for forgiveness. Henry II took a sound flogging while kneeling before the tomb of Thomas Beckett - acknowledging that he, as king, was responsible for the murder committed by his barons ... History is very different from Hollywood movies. Kings could never simply do as they pleased. There was the Church, there were the nobles, and there were the people, all of whom had to be pleased to some degree. Wise kings very often played these groups off each other, which was how Henry VIII made himself the single most powerful of England's kings - but, w/in 100 years, one of his successors wound up on the block (Charles I was beheaded in 1649) because he pissed off the nobles and some of the bishops; that the people were horrified by the execution eventually allowed his son to sit on the throne. So, no, kings could never do as they pleased - and no king wanted to be thought a rapist. Their affairs were usually very carefully arranged, so that the women were indeed willing - they would get and keep houses and jewels and carriages and horses when the affair was over. If a mistress became pregnant, her children were assured successs. Many high-ranking nobles all over Europe were/are the descendants of royal bastards. The name "Fitzroy" means just that - the king's bastard.

You said that sex and love had nothing to do w/power. All I needed was one example - or two. I gave the most obvious ones. I could go on for days w/examples of how sex and marriage and love have to do w/power. One example - many powerful Wall Street executives hire a dominitrix to humiliate and even beat them. They get off on being made to lick boots and eat out of a dog's bowl. You figure out the psychology behind that ... And it doesn't have to involve explicit S & M. How many husbands w/beautiful wives pick up toothless crack whores? Thousands - every day ...

I brought up marriage because marriage does involve sex - and power!














t[/quote][/quote][/quote][/quote]

Once again, naming the 1% as proof that the human race is like how you suggest is absurd and outlandish.

The few do not represent the whole. Though in your line of thought, they do.

At all levels - from the top to the bottom - reputation is of great importance. Reputation as a success leads to more success. Reputation as a successful lover gets more lovers - just ask any man who has gone to a bar w/a wedding band on his finger. There are single men who put one on just because they know that their chances of getting laid go way up. "He must be good if someone was willing to marry him!"






I could not understand your first sentence in relation to - anything; that was why I separated it out: to make it clear that I was not responding to it.




THIS PORTION - I NEED TO NOTE THAT I MADE A MISTAKE AND MISREAD YOUR POST ... I leave it as evidence that I am not unwilling to admit a mistake.

In your own earlier post, you pre-negated much of what you just said above - you admitted that you were (at least) sometimes upset by still being a virgin. Must I dig up the quote? It's there, I assure you ... True - that I haven't met one is not proof that there isn't one - but - given the above - having "met" you isn't proof that there is, either ... 20 is young! I didn't lose my virginity until I was 19 - nearly 20. And now I'm nearly 50. Relax - but think how differently you would feel if you were nearly 50 and still a virgin.

Last edited by maroptmax on 21 Oct 2012, 7:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Do I get upset? Yes.

Do I allow myself to suffer? No.

And I have no earthly idea how I would feel at fifty.