My boyfriend's mother will always be there

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I've been thinking about moving in with my boyfriend in a few months because we live an hour apart but my mum talked to me last night and advised me not to commit anything to this guy. The reason: he lives with his mother and always will. He is 30. He currently lives in her house but she is going to sell it so that he can buy his own house and she is going to move in too. He is going to convert some of the rooms into a kitchen and living room for his mother but she will share a bathroom. So basically she will be there forever, even if I marry this guy in the future and have his babies.

I have heard things from other women like "it's not healthy to have 3 people in a marriage" and "privacy and space for a couple is extremely important in a marriage." So... I'm worried now that I might be extremely naive. I'm only 22 and don't have much experience with relationships. Could someone please help me understand what I'm getting myself into here? Why there won't be much privacy or space? Or why would most women run as fast as possible from this situation (or so they say)?

I like his mother so far and I don't find her controlling or anything like that. Sometimes it does bother me that she's always there in the background but I thought it was something I can just deal with and suck it up. I have only been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half months but we love each other and we get along extremely well. I just don't want to end up ruining my life. Is my mum right?

2&1/2 months is way too soon on a relationship to be taking a big step like moving in. give it a good 4 more months and see if you still feel the same way. this is not my opinion, but based on research that shows how long it takes to get to know if someone is likely to turn out to be abusive.

You might like her now, but you've only been together two and a half months and you're also not living with her.

I'd be really concerned about that type of dynamic myself and it would be a deal-breaker for me. But, then again, that's me. If you think you might be able to to put up with it and he'll somehow manage to make up for the sacrifices you'll need to make in other areas of the relationship, then give it a shot. But, make sure to give your relationship more time and get to know them both before committing to living with them.

Just curious, does she have some sort of health problems or some other justifiable reason to be dependent upon him? I don't have kids myself, so maybe this is easy for me to say, but I can't imagine wanting to impose myself that much on an adult child.

My dad lived with his parents until he was like 34 or something. My parents ended up getting divorced. Who knows the connection.

Something like this requires a ton of consideration of context. In lots of places in the US, especially rural areas, it's not unheard of for the matriarch to move in with her sons (especially the oldest one) after she becomes a widow. It's very convenient, and yes, the widow does get lonely as hell, and having an active social life is known to prolong lifespans and stave off dementia. In that capacity, it can be quite good for the poor old lady to stay with family.

So long as her presence doesn't tend to be intrusive in your relationship, and the guy is obviously independent (IE she's living with him, he's not living with her), I think we have here a classic case of "blowing s**t right out of proportion".

I would say depending on the type of woman she is, it could go well.

If she snoops and pries into your business, maybe not.

But if she is caring, understanding and respects your privacy, I don't see why not

Take your time though. Don't jump into this next step of the relationship. Walk.

It depends on why he lives with her. If he can't function on his own, it's probably not best to move in with him unless you are willing to do all the things for him that his mother does, forever.

If he needs to take care of her for either her health or her mental health reasons, that's a different story and that's being responsible. However you wouldn't want her to live with you forever and if things get serious he should need to consider finding her another place to live.

You mentioned some concern of his that "she would get lonely" if she lived alone. Well, you know who said "A boy's best friend is his mother" don't you? Not somebody I'd want to get in a relationship with for sure.

Living with a parent because you have to in your 20's is ok. Temporarily living with one because you have to in your 30's and 40's is ok. Living with one because the parent needs you is ok at any time. Otherwise, they are relationship poison and you don't want that at all.

Run.

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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
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