NT crushing hard on a guy who might be an aspie

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LoriB
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26 Oct 2012, 6:04 pm

I am glad you were able to get an email address. If he is Aspie it will be very good for your communication.

We have been together for three years. He is a great man and a great father. Although I didn't know going in he was Aspie and that made some things a little more difficult I have always adored him. Having now been with NT and AS men I would honestly chose AS hands down every time. The good qualities definitely out weigh any potential rough spots. If he is Aspie just encourage him to be honest with you and you do the same and you will be fine :)



CrushingHard61
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26 Oct 2012, 8:17 pm

LoriB wrote:
I am glad you were able to get an email address. If he is Aspie it will be very good for your communication.

We have been together for three years. He is a great man and a great father. Although I didn't know going in he was Aspie and that made some things a little more difficult I have always adored him. Having now been with NT and AS men I would honestly chose AS hands down every time. The good qualities definitely out weigh any potential rough spots. If he is Aspie just encourage him to be honest with you and you do the same and you will be fine :)


Thanks for sharing. I appreciate it!



AspieOtaku
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26 Oct 2012, 9:55 pm

I wish more NT women liked and understand aspies 95% of the time they find out I'm an aspie they dump me a few days later automatically assuming I am going to be high maintenance or something or worse use me then dump me. :(


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You are very likely an aspie
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CrushingHard61
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26 Oct 2012, 10:27 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
I wish more NT women liked and understand aspies 95% of the time they find out I'm an aspie they dump me a few days later automatically assuming I am going to be high maintenance or something or worse use me then dump me. :(


That really sucks. Maybe you could direct them to a website or a book that would help them understand better. NTs really need to be better educated about aspergers. I used to think I knew "enough" about aspergers until I started doing all this research over the last couple of months and was amazed by how very much I didn't know.



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26 Oct 2012, 11:13 pm

CrushingHard61 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wish more NT women liked and understand aspies 95% of the time they find out I'm an aspie they dump me a few days later automatically assuming I am going to be high maintenance or something or worse use me then dump me. :(


That really sucks. Maybe you could direct them to a website or a book that would help them understand better. NTs really need to be better educated about aspergers. I used to think I knew "enough" about aspergers until I started doing all this research over the last couple of months and was amazed by how very much I didn't know.
I think a lot of them are gonna asume I'm like rainman or asexual like sheldon even though I have been intimate.


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


LoriB
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27 Oct 2012, 7:10 am

My boyfriend never told me. Still hasn't. And although it took me until a month ago to give it a name we just worked together like you would with any relationship. He would point out the traits and tell me how he needed it to be handled but it was like anyone pointing out their traits. Once I put all the pieces together it was then I started to really research it and learn things I never knew. My son is AS and I thought I had a clue. But so many of the books are written by NT or I suspect highly edited by them. It was really not until I came here two weeks ago that I really deeply understood and was given the tools I needed. We had a really good relationship but bow we are connected in a way neither if us ever has been with anyone. And still we have not discussed a label. It really isn't needed. When I first came here I told him I was doing it and I was learning ways to better communicate with my son. Then I started making changes to myself and then pointed out... Hey I noticed.... And I am doing this... What do you think? As it relates to him. When I first started telling him things I learned about my son I could feel him freeze. I this.k he was worried i would figure out he was and be mean or throw him away. After a few days of him seeing me want to make things easier he opened up. We discuss all the traits and how to manage them together and that is the only thing that really matters anyway.



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27 Oct 2012, 7:15 am

CrushingHard61 wrote:
mds_02 wrote:
You said you think you could be more blunt if you knew he was an aspie. I think that's the way to go whether he's aspie or not.


I hear what you are saying, but don't most NT guys like to do the chasing and not be chased? I think if he's an NT, I would know by now for sure if he was interested.

Thanks.
no/


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wtfid2
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27 Oct 2012, 7:16 am

AspieOtaku wrote:
I wish more NT women liked and understand aspies 95% of the time they find out I'm an aspie they dump me a few days later automatically assuming I am going to be high maintenance or something or worse use me then dump me. :(
boo hoo they use u for sex lol :p


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Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


CrushingHard61
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27 Oct 2012, 7:27 am

LoriB wrote:
My boyfriend never told me. Still hasn't. And although it took me until a month ago to give it a name we just worked together like you would with any relationship. He would point out the traits and tell me how he needed it to be handled but it was like anyone pointing out their traits. Once I put all the pieces together it was then I started to really research it and learn things I never knew. My son is AS and I thought I had a clue. But so many of the books are written by NT or I suspect highly edited by them. It was really not until I came here two weeks ago that I really deeply understood and was given the tools I needed. We had a really good relationship but bow we are connected in a way neither if us ever has been with anyone. And still we have not discussed a label. It really isn't needed. When I first came here I told him I was doing it and I was learning ways to better communicate with my son. Then I started making changes to myself and then pointed out... Hey I noticed.... And I am doing this... What do you think? As it relates to him. When I first started telling him things I learned about my son I could feel him freeze. I this.k he was worried i would figure out he was and be mean or throw him away. After a few days of him seeing me want to make things easier he opened up. We discuss all the traits and how to manage them together and that is the only thing that really matters anyway.


Sounds like you handled everything really well. :)



LoriB
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27 Oct 2012, 8:15 am

Not always. There are some things that made me crazy until o realized he was AS. Such as... I lost a baby after my son. When I got pregnant with our daughter it looked like I was going to lose her. I told him and he just looked at me with that blank look and after a ling pause said we will be ok. Bot exactly what I was looking for. Or when he would ask a question that I thought was stupid... Do we have any toilet paper? He had to walk past the cabinet where it is kept to get to where I was... Open and look... Not to mention we always have it. I know now that when he is on stress overload... And he may not even be something you or I would find stressful... He just cant always use logic. I would also suggest if he is AS you wait longer than you normally would for sex. I have noticed a lot of conversations here about it so I don't think this is an isolated thing. My bf is great at it as far as being very skilled... He just made me feel like I was bad at it because he mad no sound and had no facial expression. I ended up having to ask a lot of questions. We worked it out but just keep in mind you are going to have to learn a new set of relationship rules



WantToHaveALife
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27 Oct 2012, 6:01 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
this is odd
Indeed it is I visualize NT women wearing safari hats and carrying nets on the look out for us aspie males in hopes of capturing us!! 8O


i actually meant odd as in a NT girl will never fall for an aspie guy



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27 Oct 2012, 7:11 pm

wtfid2 wrote:
AspieOtaku wrote:
I wish more NT women liked and understand aspies 95% of the time they find out I'm an aspie they dump me a few days later automatically assuming I am going to be high maintenance or something or worse use me then dump me. :(
boo hoo they use u for sex lol :p
well at least I get some but I sometimes grow emotionally attached and find out later I'm a gullible boy toy for them.


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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList


CrushingHard61
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27 Oct 2012, 11:09 pm

LoriB wrote:
I would also suggest if he is AS you wait longer than you normally would for sex. I have noticed a lot of conversations here about it so I don't think this is an isolated thing. My bf is great at it as far as being very skilled... He just made me feel like I was bad at it because he mad no sound and had no facial expression. I ended up having to ask a lot of questions. We worked it out but just keep in mind you are going to have to learn a new set of relationship rules


I know what you mean. I have done a lot of reading on that as well. As much as I enjoy sex, it's been a very long time since I've been with anyone, so waiting is not really an issue for me. :) I don't recall reading anything about the aspie's responses during sex, so that is definitely something to be prepared for. Tx.



CrushingHard61
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27 Oct 2012, 11:11 pm

AspieOtaku wrote:
well at least I get some but I sometimes grow emotionally attached and find out later I'm a gullible boy toy for them.


I have had similar experiences. No one likes to get used. It can be very disheartening.



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29 Oct 2012, 4:50 pm

i hate how people always say there is someone for everyone



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29 Oct 2012, 5:58 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
i hate how people always say there is someone for everyone
They don't know what's likehaving AS/HFA so they don't see how much harder it is.


_________________
Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
No matter where I go I will always be a Gaijin even at home. Like Anime? https://kissanime.to/AnimeList