WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,197
Location: California, United States
28 Oct 2012, 1:34 am
saraip
Sea Gull
Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct 2012, 3:23 am
OK, as a woman, I think this is absolutely not true:
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)
Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times
As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.
Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!!
28 Oct 2012, 3:45 am
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)
Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times
As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.
Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!!
Random post here, but thanks to your logic, that unexpectedly made me feel somewhat better about why girls don't ask me out. I do want a girl to think I'm really attractive and I want her to compliment how I look since how I look is part of my personality, but I require myself to find someone who will choose to be with me when I look like a mess any certain number of years from now. Whether or not I already look like a mess, I don't know. Whether or not my personality will be attractive to a girl presently or in the future, for whatever length of time, I don't know either. But what you said randomly helps even if I still never get to go on a date. Thanks.
saraip
Sea Gull
Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct 2012, 4:24 am
@aspguy: That's good news I think it's so much better to find someone who likes you as a person - and while I hope you do find what you're looking for soon, I also know that rushing in and out of relationships for the sake of having someone in your life usually leads to pain and bitterness, rather than long-lasting happiness - so I hope you find someone who appreciates ALL of you - not just your looks!
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,197
Location: California, United States
28 Oct 2012, 4:30 pm
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)
Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times
As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.
Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!!
i've been doing a lot of cardio-work out lately, still have a while to go
saraip
Sea Gull
Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
28 Oct 2012, 11:20 pm
I probably should have mentioned that I am usually overweight - my weight used to fluctuate wildly, so I have gone through periods of being normal weight, but more often than not, I am quite pudgy. I would recommend weight training as well (although only because I do it - I want to build muscle - some long term goals require it) - you can get a couple of dumbbells and work out at home, no need to hit the smelly, sweaty gym
Regardless of what exercise you choose, as long as you stick with it (and commit to doing it for the rest of your life), you'll get the results you deserve. In fact, we should stay in touch, and compare notes like... a year from now? I'll look different and you'll look different and we can see where we get to from there in terms of hitting on and being hit on
29 Oct 2012, 11:35 am
men will approach all type of women
women will approach attractive men
women will not approach average to below average men
(unless you are me. I am probaly the only average looking man that had
a woman approach me. also I was overweight at the time)
Men tend to approach women who are more concerned with their appearance. That means, generally speaking, women who are wearing make-up, spend time on their hair and nails, and wear fashionable clothes. It also, generally speaking, means women who are less overweight. I am very rarely approached by guys, but I wear no make-up (I don't want my pores covered, I like my skin to breathe) and I dress very casually all the time, to the point where I look like a bit of a hobo at times
As for men, I don't think women will only approach attractive looking men at all - because attractive men are usually busy approaching women themselves. I don't think attractive men wait around to be hit on. I think most women prefer approaching guys who look just that: "approachable". That doesn't mean you have to look like a supermodel or be attractive, you just have to smile, be open to conversation and show that you enjoy the woman's company. Personally, I am quite biased, because I think guys who are pretty are stupid (horrible stereotype - please feel free to rag on me about this one - it's bad, I know!! !) so I tend to actively avoid them.
Furthermore, you are NOT the only guy who THINKS he is average looking who has had a woman approach him - that is quite a ridiculous thing to say. Ask any of the women who have posted reporting that they ask guys out if all the guys they asked out were stunners and you will probably find that most of them were average looking. Anyone who asks people out because of the way they look is superficial and in my humble opinion is also not worth dating. On the other hand, if you guys really believe that looks are what counts, then stop complaining and hit the gym and spend time on your appearance - then you can have all the superficial girls you want!!
saraip
Sea Gull
Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
29 Oct 2012, 11:44 am
@bruinsy33: I think it is completely superficial to want to get to know someone based on how they look! Isn't that the definition of being superficial? This is a completely personal perspective, of course, but for the purpose of dating, I would much rather get to know people first to determine whether they have qualities that I like as a person. If I think they are good-looking, "looking" is all I do - it never progresses further than that. I'll bet that most women will agree - who would want to sit through a boring date with someone just because you think they are good-looking?! Eugh. What a waste of time. I'd rather find someone interesting but plain-looking
29 Oct 2012, 12:41 pm
saraip
Sea Gull
Joined: 3 Aug 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 233
Location: Johannesburg, South Africa
29 Oct 2012, 1:16 pm
@AProudHillbilly: Good for you! And so glad to hear that you scored I think it was partly your willingness to make things happen that found you such a good mate.
Ha ha - I know what you mean about people wondering why you find certain people attractive - I usually don't find stereotypical guys attractive either.
29 Oct 2012, 1:25 pm
WantToHaveALife
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,197
Location: California, United States
29 Oct 2012, 2:37 pm
Northeastern292
Veteran
Joined: 16 Sep 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,159
Location: Brooklyn, NY/Catskills
30 Oct 2012, 4:27 pm
ColdEyesWarmHeart
Velociraptor
Joined: 28 Oct 2012
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 477
Location: 51° North
30 Oct 2012, 5:22 pm
I'm beginning to think I should! My usual tactic is to make (obviously rubbish) attempts at flirting which they read as me just being friendly, I can't pick up subtle flirting either so the only times I've ever been out with a man is when he has made it loud-and-clear that he likes me.
I'm starting to wonder how hard it would be when someone piques my interest to say something like "Just so you know it, I really like you. If you fancy going out sometime, let me know" that way, they still get to ask me out and I don't risk being firmly locked in the Friend Box and worse still, introduced to the new girlfriend when I've been thinking up to that point that it'll soon be me with that role.
Well, I only seem to meet a man I'm attracted to about once every 4 years, so another 3 1/2 years to get my courage up to go through with it! 
MXH
Veteran
Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 13,057
Location: Here i stand and face the rain
30 Oct 2012, 5:46 pm
I'm starting to wonder how hard it would be when someone piques my interest to say something like "Just so you know it, I really like you. If you fancy going out sometime, let me know" that way, they still get to ask me out and I don't risk being firmly locked in the Friend Box and worse still, introduced to the new girlfriend when I've been thinking up to that point that it'll soon be me with that role.
Well, I only seem to meet a man I'm attracted to about once every 4 years, so another 3 1/2 years to get my courage up to go through with it!
Part of the issue is we as men are told that girls flirt to just be nice. It ends up being very hard to tell whos just nice and who is trying to get us to talk. Itseasier to just do the approaching yourself as it destroys this confusion.
30 Oct 2012, 8:18 pm
I used to believe I had to wait for the boy to ask me but when I fell in love with my fiance I chased him. He said no when I initially asked him out! and for the record I also asked him to marry me! And everything is fantastic
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