what about confidence

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Oh I did not know that. Meems a lesbian. Well, that not the same. homosexuals can get into relationship alot easier than straight people. You don't need confidence to get a same sex relationship

Are you kidding me? What exactly do you know about homosexual relationships? And, no, I'm not a lesbian.

Tell me, how is it easier to get into a same sex relationship? Is it because there are so few queers in comparison to heterosexuals? I don't have nearly as many opportunities with women as heterosexual men do, how the is that easier? And why do homosexuals not need confidence? If anything, we need much more confidence as we aren't at all the norm and it can be dangerous to flirt with someone not knowing if they are queer. The dating world is much more difficult as a lesbian than it is as a heterosexual man.

The only gay bar within 50 miles of me is small and mostly full of men. There's not really a specific way I can meet girls. I have to carefully figure out if it's a good idea to flirt, or if it's risky, or whatever. It's incredibly difficult and adding to that, I have pretty low confidence in myself, yet I still am able to find people. In a small, crappy town. Maybe this has nothing to do with confidence.

so your bisexual then? so then why not date a man then. Your not one of these women who sleep with women but yet call yourself straight are you? if you are bisexual then getting a man is no trouble. most men love bisexual women

No, I'm not bisexual. I'm not going to try to explain my sexual orientation or gender idenintity... but why not take your own advice, go f**k a man since it's so easy and such an acceptable alternative for everyone.

I really have no desire to be with a man. I find most of them quite repulsive, but whatever works for you.

you date women and don't like much men that makes you a lesbian. And no I don't have any desire to sleep with a man.

Why is my orientation so important? No, I'm not a lesbian. And hey, gay guys love straight guys, kinda like straight guys love bisexual girls, it'll be easy.

I don't think you're having a confidence problem, maybe it's just that you're a terrible person.

is hesitation seen as a lack of confidence?

100%. Hesitation is a sure fired turn off for women.

Whatever. Keep believing whatever you want.

It is more simple than people are making it out to be. Confidence is being comfortable with yourself in the situation you find yourself in. Sometimes I am confident sometimes I am not. When you are anxious and uncomfortable you are not being confident and if you try to project confidence in this situation you are faking it. You are trying to lie with your non-verbal communication; this is something you are not good at by definition. You need to find a way to become comfortable in the given situation before you can consider yourself to be confident.

By nature I have a fair amount of confidence for an aspie but I struggle with anxiety and often find myself in situations where I do not feel confident. When I am in these social situations I stand to the side and observe. Mostly, we are good at observing and analyzing. If it is a situation I can leave and return to, I stand and watch for a while, leave, then come back and do it some more. I look for someone who is non-threatning and talk to them if possible, then watch, leave again, return etc. The idea is to gradually build up your internal comfort and gradually expand your activity. It is possible to be confident while remaining silent and watching. Work on this skill first then build on it.

Are women attracted by confident men. Yes, but there is much more to it. The opposite statement is definitely true: most women do not find awkward men lacking confidence to be attractive. There do exist however some women who are caretaker types wanting someone to fix who are not turned off by awkward non-confident men if there are other things about them they find attractive.

Many other factors play a role in whether a woman is attracted to a particular man besides confidence. Is he physically attractive? Is he clean and neat? Does he look interesting? Is he dressed well? Does he look professional? Is he the same social class as me? Does he look intelligent and well educated? Does he look kind? Does he look financially secure. As Tequilla said above: do I fear him? etc. etc etc....

Women are a diverse group and among them they are each uniquely attracted by highly variable traits in men. That means there is hope for all of us. The unfortunate side effect of this is that it is a numbers game. You must display yourself to enough potential mates to find one that both finds you attractive and in whom you are also interested. This is a tough nut to crack for us aspies.

One thing I believe in that is highly speculative: I believe men and women both have pheromones that determine whether they are attracted to members of the opposite sex; sometimes this is called animal magnetism.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/ar ... 3211000397

Last edited by Pompei on 01 Nov 2012, 2:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

For some weird reason I've always believed that confidence IS narcissism and that nice/friendly people who appear confident are just people who seem to be good at hiding their extreme insecurity.

Uprising,

When I was in college, in the early 1970s, I enrolled in a course called "sensitivity training." This was a hot new topic then in psychology. At the first session, with about 50 students, the professor asked everyone to anonymously write on a piece of paper their own personal "biggest secret." He collected them and read each secret to the class. The amazing thing was about 90% of the secrets were the same. They were some variation of: "I am insecure." I never forgot this. Your statement above has a good deal of truth in it. Nearly every confident person has a kernel of insecurity in their heart. NTs, however, are so much better at disguising their insecurity than us aspies. While everyone is plagued with some degree of insecurity, we aspies have received more than our share of this dubious gift.

Do you also see truth in the confidence IS narcissism part?

That's kind of revealing for me. If I'd been in that class, I'd have put something like, "I pick my nose sometimes." Why is being insecure something to even worry about, much less consider a "personal secret"?

Confident men intimidate me. If someone who seems sure of himself approaches me, I wonder what he's up to.

My estranged wife has a narcissistic personality. We were married for 22 years so I have s experience living with a narcissist. There were some very real situations where she was terribly insecure. She would discuss these with me. Mostly they were caused either when she was in a situation of conflict, she was being criticized or she was speaking in front of a group. She was very insecure when someone with power over her was critical of her or when she was in intense competition with someone. There were other areas of her life where she genuinely was confident. She did not fear social situations and was very comfortable in group social affairs. She was able to talk to others easily and counsel them. That was her job. She counseled people, she was very good at it and she was confident of her ability to do it well. She is very idealistic and whenever she felt she was wronged she had no inhibition to expressing her anger forcefully and confidently. Many times I watched her confront people that she felt had violated a rule or value she held dearly. It was real genuine confidence,

So, I guess my answer is it depends on the situation,.