Obsessed With Finding Someone?

Post Reply New Topic

Are you lonely?
Yes
Do you constantly think about being with someone?
I used to
Do you sometimes go out of your way to find people like you?
No
Do you think, that when you find someone you fancy, or if they are similar to you, you automatically think that they cold be the one?
I used to
You can't help but wonder, do you stand a chance with them?
I used to
You really want to talk to and get to know someone, that has a lot in common with you or captures your interests, but you're insecure and afraid of being hurt/rejected?
I used to
Does it bother you when you see someone of your interest with a boy/girlfriend?
It used to

1. Sometimes I feel lonely, but I can be content with it.
2. I do constantly think about being with someone a lot.
3. Yes. I sometimes do go out my way to find people like me.
4. I don't think I've asked myself that whenever I find someone I fancy.
5. In most cases, I don't think I stood a chance with them.
6. I'm use to getting rejected. So I keep telling myself to move on even though I have doubts about finding someone else.
7. Sometimes, it does. Occasionally, I'll get over it and distract myself with music and other areas of my interest.
7.

30 is the magical cut off age for both males and females- by then you are expected to have found love and be in steady career/employment.

Last edited by steviewonderau on 04 Nov 2012, 9:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Are you lonely? Always.

Do you constantly think about being with someone? Not always.

Do you sometimes go out of your way to find people like you? No. I gave that up decades ago.

Do you think, that when you find someone you fancy, or if they are similar to you, you automatically think that they could be the one? No.

You can't help but wonder, do you stand a chance with them? Yes.

You really want to talk to and get to know someone, that has a lot in common with you or captures your interests, but you're insecure and afraid of being hurt / rejected? Not much in common, but rejection is a major factor.

Does it bother you when you see someone of your interest with a boy / girlfriend? That person is either very discrete, or has no significant other.

The middle ground: It Doesn't Exist.

Thanks for a female perspective. I am no longer single but I still post here regularly because I think the whole dating scene is like a job search: frustrating, unnatural and overall ridiculous. All I can say is most men are similar to me and they WANT a chance to 'show off' and help their girl. Perrsonally I found my girl's clinginess to be a turn on because I could see she was interested in monogamy and commitment. I don't know why men and women can't just learn to take each other at face value and not play these silly games.

Dating profiles are like resumes; everyone gets the same 'expert' advice so it ends up being pure luck to get noticed because nobody stands out in a positive way. Almost all the female profiles literally sounded like the same person wrote every single one.

Last edited by GiantHockeyFan on 05 Nov 2012, 8:20 am, edited 1 time in total.

And I'm very happy about your recent success. It gives some of us perma singles hope.

Dating is kind of like job searching. Equally as frustrating. And I'm not very good at either.

Thanks for the kind words, Adam82. You seem like a great guy and I would love to sit and talk with you with hours on this subject. Without going off topic you have no idea how well I can relate to what you have written on these forums! Nothing in my life ever comes easy but when I finally break through I excel: just like in work. I was looking for work for three whole years and once I got my job, I was told over and over again how I'm wasting my talents at this job. I can totally relate to you and can add that's what makes it so frustrating. I KNOW you would make a great boyfriend just like struggled with until recently because nobody would seemingly give us the chance to show it. It is further frustrating when girls expect you to ask but if you do ask them out directly they treat you like a stalker. Meanwhile I know guys who can walk to go girls they just met and tell them boldly to *ahem* 'go down on him' and they flock to him like a magnet.

BTW, my girlfriend told me again she had a hard time believing I was her first because she is so amazed that I am so good to her in the bedroom and out. Don't let inexperience hold you back: it just means you don't have bad habits!

men get criticized for it more

I am very lonely..i would love to meet a nice understanding girl to be with..although i would not be interested in casual relationships with people..i dream of meeting my soul mate..but my AS always gets in the way of even trying..but you can always dream that one day that person might just come your way.

I really, truly don't understand what one has to do with the other?

Thankyou for your kind words, and I hope you're right. I hope if someone gave me a chance, I could prove myself a loyal and worthy boyfriend. Aspies can make great employees, and partners, if people give them a go. We can be very loyal and supportive people.

I'm glad you found work, and a partner, after years of trying. I shouldn't worry too much about being inexperienced, if she's understanding, she won't mind. I do worry that time is running out, I'm 30 now, but I'll give it another few years yet. By the time I get to 35 and don't have anyone, I'll be getting worried.

I'm not sure I completely understand your question but let me elaborate. There's obviously nothing wrong with being independent, strong willed, lots of friends, etc male or female. What annoyed me was how in these profiles the ladies would literally do nothing but brag about how utterly perfect they were and would never even mention the fact they would like a relationship or that they are interested in seeking a partner. Maybe I became too jaded but it came across as very snobbish and that these women are too good to be dating anyone online. In addition, almost all dating profiles were framed in the context and what "they" wanted and usually involved a ridiculous laundry list. I doubt more than a handful of profiles even mentioned what they would bring to a relationship. Being positive and upbeat is great but talking in an arrogant, condescending tone is a major turnoff.

As I've stated before on this board it seems many women want it both ways: to be independent, strong willed, etc which is great but also expect the man to be traditional and initiate, pay for everything and assume all the risk. Call me jaded but you can't have it both ways.

women can have more flaws than men can and still get a date, a boyfriend, relationship, etc.

Is that so? I've asked my family and friends - until I am sick of asking and they are sick of being asked - WTF is so wrong with me that no man has been interested in me in 7 years. And no-one can or will say. If I knew what my flaws were I could work on them. If I knew what was physically repulsive about me I could do my darnedest to earn the money for surgery. Yes, by this point I am that desperate.

Meanwhile how many women are staying with boyfriends who barely deserve the title? Way too many!