Aspergers & Love

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We are finally having our first date tonight (outside the workplace). I'll be getting her favorite pizza and watch movies. One is called "Adam" about a AS guy and a NT girl (chick flick). I even went to the grocery store and bought a lot of her favorite things to stock up my refrigerator.

I'm giving her a key to my house too. So, she can come visit me anytime she wants.

If she doesn't like you she would tell you. (some people with asperger's find it hard to lie, I do) It's what I do if I don't like a girl. The fact she hasn't said she doesn't like you is a good sign that she does like you.

I wish you good luck for tonight.

She tells me she loves me all the time now.

So, I don't think she hates me.

I'm not sure what the face with the eyebrows means but anyway good for you and I hope you enjoy your date!

You will have to post later and tell us how it went. I am sure it will be wonderful!

Im sure you will smudge but it takes time and it tends to come unexpectedly.

You saw where I was a few months ago and things changed because of pure luck.

The right person will come along eventually and almost nothing you may do will drive them away(I can asses for that)

inspirational thread

Thanks spongy.

Oh, I want to hear how this saga went.

As others have mentioned, be careful not to behave as if she is a "stereotypical" Aspie. There isn't anyone who comletely fits the stereotype.

That being said, I recognize so much of your writing in my relationship with my husband. He is very sweet and I love him more than my command of the language will allow me to express, but sometimes.....

Yes, it is all about him. He will return a compliment, but it is "forced." He explains that he has several mental protocols memorized. If I give him a gift, he says "Thank you," but then he either tells me what he needs to go with it or asks how much I spent on it. In his mind, he is "furthering the conversation." Now that I have learned about Aspies and have had several years to learn his personal attributes, I can usually see his side and appreciate his efforts to make sure I feel appreciated.

The good side is I ALWAYS know where I stand with him, he cannot keep a secret from me, and we tend to agree on most everything. I know it is challenging to see a gift on the floor, but I have a hunch she did not mean it to be disrespectful or unappreciative. While an NT would think "Aw, you remembered I like root beer", an Aspie is more likely to think "I told you I liked root beer and you got me some." it was an exchange of information as opposed to a special gesture. When she drinks the root beer, it will taste just as good to her, though.

Our first date was a HUGE SUCCESS!! !

I picked up the pizza and she came over to my house. We watched "Adam" and ate pizza. Held hands and she put her head on my shoulder through the movie. After the movie, we laid on the couch and held each other until we both fell asleep in each others arms. Woke up at 1:00 a.m. and she had to get home. Gave her my house key so she can come back anytime.

I'm seriously in love with this girl! She's perfect!

She just texted me:

"I had a really fun time tonight. I't had been the best day I had in a long time. I wish I could have stayed over night at your house."

I'm going to marry this girl. I just know it.

I was torn between being on top of the world in terms of feelings and at the same time seriously considering checking myself into a mental hospital.
There was the eye contact you described - the moment we saw each other, it was pretty much set.

And spongy's thingy is so true - you can't do much to drive them away if they are the right person.
(Which is great may I add - I can stim or rock in the corner whenever I need to and it was never a problem)

interestingly ive never had this love at first sight thing. Ive only had 3 crushes since as far back as i can remember. And while i knew beforehand that id fall for all 3 of them it did take a while for it to develop fully.

I am so glad your date went well! If you are they type of NT who seriously wants a deep committed everlasting love, which it seems you are.... You will never find a relationship more emotionally satisfying than one with an Aspie. Although I guess some are harder to deeply understand than others I can honestly say that even on our most difficult days (when I didn't know he was Aspie and some of his actions confused me) the one thing I never doubted was his deep and committed love for me. With that you can get through anything. I really think for a NT man an Aspie woman is an even more perfect partner than the other way around because most NT men think in fact and bot so emotionally and I think that makes the communication easier. The other cool thing IMO about a relationship with an Aspie is that things may move quickly but it is sensere. In otherwords NT NT it is usually physical attraction when it moves fast with NT AS it is something so much more. I never let anyone I dated meet my son for at least the first three months. My boyfriend came to dinner twice in the second week after we started dating. That weekend we took ny son to a movie that scared him and he begged me to make my bf spend the night. He asked my son permission to ask me to be his girlfriend (although I already was) from that night forward the only night we have not slept in each others arms was my second night in the hospital after having our daughter and this crazy long weekend that is drivibg us both crazy.... But I am getting the sweetest text ever <3

Thanks, LoriB. Yes, I'm one of those NTs. Patient and devoted. It's hard to put into words how she holds me. It's almost desperate, but very loving. Kind of like how one would cling to life. It's definitely not like any NT hug/caress I have ever experienced in my life. It's so pure and filled with emotion that has been locked up within her. It's the transformation of what she can't say or explain ... she puts it all into how she holds me. Perhaps like how a child would hold on to their parents when scared - well, not quite, but very similar. We would lay there and when she shifted her body, she would suddenly embrace me harder as if she hadn't seen me in a million years. Heck, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it.

Yes, NT/NT relationships seem to burn quick with emotions. Too much emphasis on physical attraction and experience. I've had my share of plenty of those and although the emotional feedback is nice, it tends to require rekindling over and over for reassurance. I noticed with an AS, every non-verbal communication makes up for the lack of emotional feedback. It's there inside them and desperately wants to express itself. With NTs, it's so easy we take it for granted. People with AS, it is unblemished and true. I really admire that.

So, in a nutshell, she has me 100% and I'm going to savor every second of it!

Well expect to be savoring it for a very long time! That intensity seems to fizzle after about 3 months in NT NT... At least with my bf over the past 3 years it has gotten more and more intense rather than fizzeling out. Don't get me wrong... Not every second is like that but there is time every day when he makes me feel like the only valuable woman in the world. A lot of it is non verbal... The way he holds me in the morning when it is quiet an nothing is there to distract us.... Or the fact that he tells me randomly every night. I Love you... But not just when we get home or are going to bed.. many times through out the evening in the middle if a show or while he is editing pictures .... Which is especially meaningful because you know how focused they are and for him to be doing something he is that in to and stopping to say I live you means even more. We truly are the luckiest people ever. Twice in the past 6 months people who are not around as all the time gave just stared open mouthed (literally) at us then said... It is amazing to watch you guys together. It is so obvious what a deep connection you have and how in love you are. They were both people he knew before me.

Reading this thread has made my day