Good places for Asperger's men to meet women

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AspieOtaku
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17 Jun 2012, 2:59 pm

Or an aspie meet up.

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guitarman2010
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17 Jun 2012, 3:38 pm

I met my wife off the internet 10 years ago. The internet is not a bad place to meet but you must exercise caution. The same applies for meeting someone in a real place. If you're the type that can meet people in real life, more power to you. If you're like myself than you will find it easier to interact online. If I had to suggest a physical place to meet people I would have to say make it a place that you find enjoyable and relaxing. Maybe a music shop or park.

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Hector
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17 Jun 2012, 9:40 pm

hyperlexian wrote:

book club, knitting club (they can teach you), soup kitchen to volunteer, ballroom dance class, community college evening classes like cooking courses, yoga, zumba, meditation group, guerrilla gardening groups, etc

Yeah.

The basic idea is this: determine common social activities you'd like to partake in or possible clubs you'd like to be a member of (maybe write a list), then look for them (it might be easier if you live in a city). I think this post has the right idea. At the very least you do something you enjoy and meet people who have something in common with you. You might also meet friends. You also greatly increase your chances of finding someone interested in you, compared to just lurking around in shops or parks or libraries. If you're a total stranger without some premise for communication, the people you meet are on their guard and you'd be lucky to make a connection with them - it's possible, but not worth the effort when you could be joining clubs.

Online dating cuts out all of the work involved in joining clubs/groups/institutions and meeting new people, which has its advantages to someone unfamiliar with or averse to social interaction. I'd recommend a couple of these sites, but I think they should be supplemented with real-life action which is enriching in many other respects as well.

In graduate school, I worked most of the time in my apartment on my classes and my thesis, but I met my girlfriend in a "movie night" where fellow students met weekly at someone's apartments and watched movies. I was lucky, but not so much as an undergraduate where I also made use of very few social outlets and didn't date anyone. If I could do college over again I'd join lots of societies and really follow through by going to at least the first couple of meetings of each, trying to find social outlets outside of my own class, to increase my share of opportunities.

Checkpoint
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04 Nov 2012, 12:22 pm

HisDivineMajesty wrote:

As for college or university, my general feeling so far is that any women there are trying too hard to appear posh and ambitious.
The same thing applies to the guys, but let's not get distracted here.

Recently, I read an article about those types, both male and female, and it applies really well to nearly all women I've observed there.
They're dressed in suits, their hair tightly kept and their faces telling of their arrogance. They walk into their first course carrying a diplomat-style suitcase.
Arrogant yet ignorant as they seem to be - this is well beyond any reasonable form of confidence - they walk into their first course expecting to be a world-famous diplomat by age 30.

When not listening to what's being said in a course, they try to tell each other things as loudly as possible.
"Did you hear? I was elected president of a student council!" is what one, who seems to have spent more time checking her hair than reading the required material, said to another while standing up in the middle of the room.
What she must have been thinking was 'now I will look ambitious and wealthy'. She came across, though, to me and anyone I'd speak to, as a pretentious middle class girl trying to be cool.

Unfortunately, they also seem very socially controlling. It's impossible to fit in there as a guy if you're not:

1. Pretending to have a posh accent that isn't posh at all;
2. Pretending to dress like you're wealthy;
3. Constantly talking about your 'career' and membership of student organisations that mostly involve binge drinking.

Hopefully, this is different in any part of a college or university not about law. However, it's awful and downright disgusting how almost everyone - no exaggeration - behaves there.
As for the other options - have been to some of those places, haven't met anyone really interesting.

Do you suppose there's some gulf of understanding between you and the crowd because of the suffering you've endured? I've got news for you, Walter Cronkite. You hate them because you hate that part of yourself. You're a lucky kid. Be comfortable with yourself. I give you permission.

ALguy1957
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05 Nov 2012, 4:12 am

I found a few growing aspie dating pages on facebook. You could also try the direct approach and just post an ad on craigslist seeking a woman with Asperger's syndrome in the title (and put your age or other preferences in the ad). I already have two ads like that running in the 2 nearest cties. That's bound to get some attention and get people to talk about it.

benr3600
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05 Nov 2012, 7:36 am

Barnes And Noble. Usually has nice young ladies working, in fact one time I went to the help desk to find a book about the overdiagnosis of ADD and a girl working the counter must have had ADD because she was really interested in me but I was too shy to flirt with her. Not saying that is going to happen, but you'd be buying a book from what is likely a female that is also interested in reading so that is a pretty good starting point. Ironically I thought about this the other day and I went there to buy a book and for the first time ever there were only guys working. foreveralone.jpg

ALguy1957
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05 Nov 2012, 7:28 pm

Forgot to mention this approach too. It already worked for me once a few months ago.
I wear it to public events with lots of people, supermarkets, etc. It's unusual and a real attention getter! (and it's on BOTH sides of the shirt)

bruinsy33
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05 Nov 2012, 11:47 pm

ALguy1957 wrote:

I am glad it worked for you but many Aspies are notorious for avoiding the limelight.I think many would be uncomfortable with wearing that.

WantToHaveALife
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12 Nov 2012, 6:10 pm

rabbittss wrote:

Joker wrote:

I would say at a community college that is if you go to a community college.

I've found the main flaw with looking for girls at my community college is this, I have a 2 hour commute to school, if they live near the school, or themselves have an hour or more commute to the school.. it's not really going to lead to anything. Since we then have to factor in the multi hour commutes to spend time with each other in addition to the commutes to school.

I've had a few interested parties become uninterested when they realized how far away from them I lived.

I could see where living at an ACTUAL University, where the bulk of the students live on campus or in near campus accommodations would be a good way to meet people.. I'm just not sure a community or commuter college would be as successful.

most community college girls are taken from my experience

Kinme
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13 Nov 2012, 3:49 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

hyperlexian wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

Guerilla gardening groups lol

why is that funny?

I'm thinking hand grenades when I see Guerilla.

Exactly what I was thinking, HAHAHA!

Kinme
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13 Nov 2012, 3:50 am

bizboy1 wrote:

Parties where everyone is drunk, especially you.

I can't tell if you're serious or not, but that's an awful idea.

JBO
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13 Nov 2012, 4:04 pm

Any sort of volunteering thing seems like a really good bet. Just the fact that you're there casts you in a good light, and you also have guaranteed common ground to talk about.

I am part of an organization that provides 1-on-1 tutoring to homeless kids. Literally every single tutor (out of ~100 or so that I know) is female except for 2 older men and 1 extremely flamboyant/probably gay guy. Pretty good odds if I was looking...

ManicDan
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13 Nov 2012, 4:20 pm

Kinme wrote:

bizboy1 wrote:

Parties where everyone is drunk, especially you.

I can't tell if you're serious or not, but that's an awful idea.

a party where everyone knows the host is ok though.
my friend's brother (who i am sorta friends with) threw a birthday party and everyone there was really friendly with each other. trying to talk to a girl at a bar seems impossible. talking to a girl there was very easy (i actually flirted with one girl by accident, but then a friend of mine hooked up with her later after i had to leave and so thats a dead path)

going to a party that has a common ground is great since you can act dumb and be yourself and very few people will care since they all assume everyone else there is awesome.

MXH
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13 Nov 2012, 4:28 pm

ManicDan wrote:

Kinme wrote:

bizboy1 wrote:

Parties where everyone is drunk, especially you.

I can't tell if you're serious or not, but that's an awful idea.

thats a good point.

AspieRogue

13 Nov 2012, 9:06 pm

RightGalaxy wrote:

Don't just look for women, look for aspie women. NT's are only going to reject you or keep you for a bit and then kick you away penniless. Actually, an aspie woman has a better chance with an NT man than aspie men have with an NT women. The very purpose of an NT woman's life is a social one. NT guys find it easier to cheat on an aspie because she doesn't have a big social circle to tell her what he's doing behind her back. She's also unable to read the signs of infidelity. She'll eventually find out but an NT woman will find out a lot sooner. My NT cousin married an aspie and was ever so grateful for his fidelity and hard-work but after 8 years, she got very depressed and gained a lot of weight. She ended up having an affair with an NT guy and divorced him. Her complaint was that he always wants to stay home. He doesn't talk to people. He's embarrasing and bores people when he does talk to them. She didn't want to talk about electronics at the end of her day. She wanted to go to the bar with friends. Because of her guilt that he was indeed a GOOD man, She gave him eveything! The house, the car, the dog,
the two children every weekend, everything! She didn't take a dime!! If you decide to take a bite out of an NT woman, you are going to bite off way more than you can chew. Stay with your own type!!

My first gf was not an "aspie" in the sense that she never was diagnosed with any autism spectral disorder but she had a LOT of aspie-like personality traits. But unlike all other aspie women I've met, in fact, unlike ANY other women I've ever spoken with at the very least(hundreds by now), she did not show her feelings and was pretty much humorless. Nonetheless, aspie women are very rare In Real Life and the chances that I would recognize one without actually meeting her and getting to know her are slim to none. IDK about men, but when it comes to women you can't judge a book by its cover :!:

I have seen women who *seemed* as though they had a lot in common with me but getting to know them I realize they were perfectly normal. Many women who are aspies or have that kind of personality seem to have very quiet body language and don't readily convey interest.

Sounds like your cousin and her ex-hubby weren't compatible with each other for the reason that she sounds like a fairly extroverted person. I know NT women who are introverted and not the bar fly type. Particularly once they're married and have kids. But I'm impressed by how unselfish she was regarding the divorce.

Quote:

When NT men socialize, they don't care if their women are there or not. The NT woman EXPECTS you to socialize. An NT guy will cheat on any kind of woman.

This is SO untrue. Recent studies have shown that women on average are less faithful then men. Some NT men will cheat, but they are not the norm. Such men are usually the "alpha male" type: Very high status, extroverted, and with uncanny social finesse. FTR: Most NT women do not place a high value on fidelity despite the fact that society teaches them to. If a woman is not happy with you or doesn't feel that *spark of passion* in the relationship then your loyalty to her means nothing. Most women want men who excite them, even if said men are unfaithful. (Type I)Bipolar women are by far the most prone to sleep around

AspieOtaku
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13 Nov 2012, 9:29 pm

At an anime convention.

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