NT gal and aspie guy

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Hello all. I'm an NT gal in my late 30s has has been dating an aspie in his late 20s for about 7 months. it is an interesting relationship to say the least.

Though I have friends and family on the spectrum, this is the first romantic relationship like this. I am learning to readjust traditional ideas on love (such as daily contact, sweet nothings, or even "I love yous", but I confess that I'm still a bit confused at to how to read "us" sometimes.

I'm patient, I'm a professional, and I have a fair amount of personal and professional knowledge on ASD in general. But the love thing is a completely different thing, and sometimes I wonder if we'll work.

This really unique and wonderful guy has also never told me that he's an Aspie. Given my time with him, and my experience in a related field (as well as my sister's agreement on the matter) I'm quite sure my sweetie is an aspie. Labels do not matter to me, but I wonder if on any level it matters to "us". (He already openly discusses that he doesn't "get" people, has not time for chit chat, and is easily misunderstood.)

I welcome any thoughts on 1) the viability of our NT/Aspie romance, including the unique age difference; and 2) whether or not it's necessary/helpful/relevant that he become aware of the distinct likelihood that he's an Aspie.

thanks one and all

not worried about the age difference.

you need to decide if you're getting what you need out of the relationship. i'm a female with AS married to someone who's NT. we, however, married in our fifties, by which time i could pretty well imitate an NT. he does complain that i'm hard to read, but he just has to ask.

Glad to hear things are working well and that he hasn't driven you nuts.My past nt gfs were driven crazy by my aspiness.

NT/AS can def work, it just depends on if expectations are laid out.

You both have to understand that some things will be different.

Thank you for the feedback thus far.
whitribbt, I understand that the expectations will be different. I'm still learning to re-tool my thoughts and expectations. In some ways, it's very fun to be so non-traditional.
AspieOtaku, I very much had to smile when you said "I'm glad he hasn't driven you nuts". Sometimes he does a little, but I'm older and more patient than I used to be. And it's really helpful that he began this relationship by telling me that he's going to be misunderstood and sometimes rude (unintentionally).
And Cathylynn, thanks for your feedback as well.

Any other feedback is really appreciated. Does anyone have any thoughts about talking to him directly about Aspergers? Does it matter? It really doesn't to ME, but I wonder if it might be useful for HIM to know and read more about it? I have an adult friend with a PhD who just learned this about himself and he's actually very excited. He came to it on his own, not through me, but I was happy for him. Wondering if I should guide my sweetie down the path that might lead to self discovery?

i agree on the age thing, he might actually prefer that you live a more laid back and literal life style where as people his age might just want to have too much random spontaneous nonsense that could drive him away. i know that i would be quite happy with an older GF myself, but thats hard to look for on dating sites and can come off too weird.

about bringing it up, i wouldnt suggest telling him bluntly. first time someone that was a friend told me i was a little in denial and shock and felt odd for a bit (this was only a year ago). if the person telling me was someone who also tried to be close, i might have backed away from them.

instead i would talk to him about things he wants to change about his life style. like if he wanted to get past certain fears or annoyances. i loved learning about how i ticked and used that to better myself. but i liked doing it on my own and for myself. be very careful not to give the impression of "theres something wrong and i want it changed". instead i agree with the self discovery approach. as you talk about things, give him the names of a few symptoms that might lead him to AS. if he comes to you about it, you seem already prepared to fill him in on everything he probably needs to know.

You can also try books. Rudy Simone has quite a few and there is an *excellent* one, for me by far the best about a woman NT and an aspie guy and their true relationship. It is called "Asperger Syndrome - a love story" by Sarah Hendrickx and Keith Newton. I can highly recommend it.

Thanks. I might check out that recommended book.

I would never dream of changing my boyfriend. That's not how love works. And perhaps that is part of my appeal... an older gal is often wiser and more laid back.

We'll see where it goes. And thanks ever so much. This is a great little site!

sisterphoenix, get that book. Seriously. If I was NT I would be extremely happy with the knowledge that that relationship can work.

I am yet to find a similar book, with an AS-AS relationship.

AQspieOtaku are you a girl?

aspieotaku, you hang in there. It'll work when it's meant to. Hand flapping is a-ok. My nephew is a flapper and the rest of us have kind of picked up the habit, actually. It's the perfect expression of delight, right?

Dating is tough, no matter what. I've had plenty of NT/NT dates and it's tough. Finding that magic "click" is a challenge. And if there's a click, then you have to navigate through all of the other stuff. That is where there are SO many love songs, books, talk shows, etc. Everyone struggles.

My boyfriend had to cancel on me tonight. I'm sure he sick. It's days like this that his atypical lack of communication becomes hard. I know he loves me, but unlike most NTs, he has no need to reassure me. He doesn't get that illogical need that girls have for reassurance. Intellectually, I can deal with it, but the "girl" in me, still struggles.

Thanks you guys!

*hugs* aspieotaku!

I wi have a ook sisterphoenix, thank you.