Equality=not for me

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First off let me start out by saying that nobody I've ever known, be it friends, lovers, family, or acquaintances(including bosses, therapists, etc) has treated me as equal. As a "peer". Usually in the past they treated me as being lower in status than them and so I have a lot of resentment and anger at the way I've been treated. To make a long story short, I want to confess that I really Don't know how to treat someone I'm in any kind of relationship with as an equal partner! I tend to be instinctively controlling and domineering towards the other person(and yeah, this includes strictly platonic)and some relationships I had have been destroyed in this way. I was actually very controlling and pushy with my first gf who was actually quite patient and easy going yet stubborn. An old friend of mine is distancing herself from me because of the fact that as she astutely pointed out our friendship is unequal; albeit in my favor. I like it that way, but obviously she doesn't and I don't like this new distance. Thoughts? Advice?

I think that I can honestly say that when it comes to a romantic relationship, I don't want an equal partnership. I want one where she isn't needy(nor am I ) but where I am the leader and she is the follower. Like I said, I have a very strong dominance drive and love power the most of all things in life.

So you want to find someone who is submissive. There are people out there who are like that, but they are harder and harder to find.

The only thing you can do is try to learn to let go of some of your controlling personality.

^ Agreed,

Treat people how you want to be treated, now how you were treated.

I suggest you to buy a time machine.

I suggest you visit the Orient. I hear they are into that kind of culture.

Good luck

Its only natural that power is not always equal
Look in nature and you will see one spouse one step behind the dominant spouse

However, I prefer an enlightened arrangement
Lightened from dominance
free from having to protect from others 'your' woman
free from worry
free from overbearing
free from no longer wanted [past use by date]
primordial programmings

Learning to let go of control is easy
Its just a state of mind
Like deciding to lose weight
You reach a bottoming out point
of dislike with self
Then change
All change is like this

Depending on natal/parental/societal programming
Ease of change may be problematic

I think I agree that it depends on the person, some do like to be led and some like to be leaders. I like to be led by my BF, and I'm content that way . I think there are many other girls like that, you just have to look around. Although you should try to also keep the girl content with love and all that, not ignore her.

what about a leadership role through your career?
also are you usually outgoing or do you like to just stay at home and be independent?

if you find someone who is simply a follower and wants someone else to take the lead when it comes to actives and planning, it could be a rather healthy relationship. i dont think equality or inequality are the right words to use if thats the case. as someone else pointed out, submissive, which is the right term for that kind of behavior when it comes to sex primarily.

but there are big things to think about.
do you care if she gets her own career? or would you rather find someone who wants to be a stay at home mom
do you want to micromanage everything, as in to call her up in the middle of the day and tell her exactly what your having for dinner and when your having it, or would you let her figure it out and trust her?

i sorta get your point about never feeling like an equal among peers. ive always had a small peter pan complex where i think of my mental age as never changing since i was young. but i felt mature when i was a kid, so i dont know what that means. and ive always gotten along best with older people or much younger kids where i wouldnt consider them a peer. i just feel comfortable around the mature, and little kids assume im a responsible adult, but im able to play with them.

Someone already pointed out what your advice is and you dismissed it.


Your controlling behaviour is driving some people away and you want it to stop?

Do whatever you can to stop this behaviour(seek new therapists/read books on the subject/join an activity that forces you to treat others as equals and where others will treat you as such...) or get used to the fact that quite a lot of people will eventually be uncomfortable with your relationship and break things off and you are going to have to learn how to meet new people more frequently.


Meeting new people isnt that complicated if you know where to look for them but I dont think that this is a long-term solution

get a dog