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Not want kids?

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Kjas
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22 Nov 2012, 10:48 pm

^^^
I don't think it's entirely wrong to consider it though - especially if you are doing so from an ethical standpoint.

I think if you pass on genetic conditions *unknowingly* - well that is not the persons fault.

But if you pass on a genetic condition knowingly - that's debatable. If it's only one genetic condition then it's probably acceptable.

But when you have individuals like myself, who have multiple genetic conditions, and who are aware of them - then I believe it's kind of the line - at the very least you would need to seriously consider the kind of impact it would have on their quality and quantity of life.

At least in my personal case, it would be unacceptable, unethical and downright cruel and selfish to have children. That doesn't mean it will be that way for everyone in a similar position - but in my case, the conditions impact on my quality of life quite signficantly. It would be unethical of me to subject another human being to that intentionally and knowingly because of some selfish desire I have.
I know I am not the only one who thinks this way, others such as DialAForAwesome, who are in a similar but different posistion, probably share the sentiment because of the the impact it has on their own quality of life.


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BlueMax
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22 Nov 2012, 11:19 pm

If I knew 15 years ago about my condition (rather than just thinking I was a loser/weirdo) I might not have married my wife who wanted children, nor would I have had them. My youngest boy is probably going to be perfectly sociable and fine, but my older boy is my clone, right down to social awkwardness and aspie obsessions.

Don't get me wrong - I don't regret having them, but I know my older boy is going to have some very big challenges ahead of him... I could prepare him for that if his xenophobic mom would only let me!

...that said, I know for sure I'm not having any more! Maybe during this brief time of unemployment, I should go get snipped while I have the time to rest & recover! :P



noxnocturne
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23 Nov 2012, 2:16 am

I'm enjoying being single for now, but if I were to find a good guy and we ended up marrying, then as a Catholic, I would have to be open to having children. I'd find a way to be a good mom.



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23 Nov 2012, 4:42 am

Salome wrote:
I used to want five of them but I'm too old and tired now so maybe one or two :)



I wanted that much too and then I only wanted one when I was an adult because kids are so expensive. The more you have, the more it will cost. Now I want another one. Must be mother nature telling me to reproduce again and I wonder if the same thing will happen again after my second child? That's what we are programmed to do and those who don't want kids are seen as having something wrong with them or not taken seriously because "You will change your mind."


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ttqs84
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23 Nov 2012, 1:17 pm

Of course I want nothing to do with having kids!
I'm one of those rare females who believe that our mission in life is NOT to reproduce. Who the hell said that all women must have children? It's very baffling to me!
Plus, children are not only expensive but they emotionally drain you to the core. They're needy, irritating, spoiled, uncooperative, bratty, and noisy of course.
What's more is that the "father" refuses to be a part of their child's life because they believe the mother has to do all the work bringing up the kids and to stay at home.
Why would I want some kid consuming every inch of my life? For me, it won't happen now or in the future, let alone with anyone.


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meems
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23 Nov 2012, 1:51 pm

Every time I see this thread title I shudder... kids really are gross, awful monsters.


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Cuckooflower
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23 Nov 2012, 3:12 pm

Kjas wrote:
^^^
I don't think it's entirely wrong to consider it though - especially if you are doing so from an ethical standpoint.

I think if you pass on genetic conditions *unknowingly* - well that is not the persons fault.

But if you pass on a genetic condition knowingly - that's debatable. If it's only one genetic condition then it's probably acceptable.

But when you have individuals like myself, who have multiple genetic conditions, and who are aware of them - then I believe it's kind of the line - at the very least you would need to seriously consider the kind of impact it would have on their quality and quantity of life.

At least in my personal case, it would be unacceptable, unethical and downright cruel and selfish to have children. That doesn't mean it will be that way for everyone in a similar position - but in my case, the conditions impact on my quality of life quite signficantly. It would be unethical of me to subject another human being to that intentionally and knowingly because of some selfish desire I have.
I know I am not the only one who thinks this way, others such as DialAForAwesome, who are in a similar but different posistion, probably share the sentiment because of the the impact it has on their own quality of life.



This is actually my situation. My health problems have given me a very hard and extremely compromised life. There is OCD and autism and on both sides of my family. May not sound much, but passing on severe OCD to someone would indeed be downright cruel. It's listed as one of the top ten most debilitating illnesses in the world by the World Health Organisation, and for good reason.
So....I'm kind of in the same position as you. PLUS, if I were to have kids with a person I loved, the genetic loading would very likely be double again, seeing as I find myself drawn to other spectrum people.


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Cuckooflower
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23 Nov 2012, 3:16 pm

meems wrote:
Every time I see this thread title I shudder... kids really are gross, awful monsters.


This made me laugh, and I tend to agree on some counts!

I always remember laughing at a comment someone made online (about over population and wild food) about how the spoilt babies at places such as Whole Foods Market would be good ''free range organic meat''; because they were fed organic food and given free range to crawl about all day.
Sorry if that's below the belt for some.
It was a joke. I thought it was humorous.


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Last edited by Cuckooflower on 23 Nov 2012, 8:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

metaldanielle
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23 Nov 2012, 3:36 pm

Cuckooflower wrote:
I also think there should be far more consideration of what people are passing onto their offspring.

I know this begins to border on eugenics type stuff and is very distasteful to many people, but I don't think subjecting a person to a life of illness and disablement is fair at all.

This has been my genetic inheritance, and I would would rather never have been born. That may be irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but this happens to a lot of human beings, and in at least some cases people could have seen it coming.

That is actually one very sound reason I don't think I have any right to breed frankly. I am not passing on the family curse I have inherited onto anyone. It would be plain cruel

But I don't want kids anyway, so that solves it I guess

And there is something quite indulgent (in my view) about all the obsession over IVF etc. in the modern world, there are so many children that need to be adopted, that need homes and care.

Having children can definitely be a form of narcissism.
May sound cynical, but it's true

I could've wrote this. I agree entirely.


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MXH
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24 Nov 2012, 1:21 am

Kjas wrote:
^^^
I don't think it's entirely wrong to consider it though - especially if you are doing so from an ethical standpoint.

I think if you pass on genetic conditions *unknowingly* - well that is not the persons fault.

But if you pass on a genetic condition knowingly - that's debatable. If it's only one genetic condition then it's probably acceptable.

But when you have individuals like myself, who have multiple genetic conditions, and who are aware of them - then I believe it's kind of the line - at the very least you would need to seriously consider the kind of impact it would have on their quality and quantity of life.

At least in my personal case, it would be unacceptable, unethical and downright cruel and selfish to have children. That doesn't mean it will be that way for everyone in a similar position - but in my case, the conditions impact on my quality of life quite signficantly. It would be unethical of me to subject another human being to that intentionally and knowingly because of some selfish desire I have.
I know I am not the only one who thinks this way, others such as DialAForAwesome, who are in a similar but different posistion, probably share the sentiment because of the the impact it has on their own quality of life.


see for me its more to do with life viewpoints. I dont see why i should give someone something i dont want myself.

and thats before the crying and poopy diapers and throwing up mess. that last part was the final nail in the coffin



Northeastern292
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24 Nov 2012, 5:37 pm

I want kids. Simple as that.



ALguy1957
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28 Nov 2012, 5:55 am

ttqs84 wrote:
Of course I want nothing to do with having kids!
I'm one of those rare females who believe that our mission in life is NOT to reproduce. Who the hell said that all women must have children? It's very baffling to me!
Plus, children are not only expensive but they emotionally drain you to the core. They're needy, irritating, spoiled, uncooperative, bratty, and noisy of course.
What's more is that the "father" refuses to be a part of their child's life because they believe the mother has to do all the work bringing up the kids and to stay at home.
Why would I want some kid consuming every inch of my life? For me, it won't happen now or in the future, let alone with anyone.


Love your post! I wish there were more women like you out there (especially over age 40). I would sure date any I could find as long as they didn't smoke either. The problem with most aspie women over 40 is they already have autistic kids. The ones that don't usually haven't been diagnosed either and that's a problem when trying to find one. But a childless NT that can accept me is fine too.



Purpelotamus
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29 Nov 2012, 4:42 am

Yes and no. I worry about being a terrible parent and messing up my kid beyond repair, but I suppose everyone experiences that fear at some point

I think it would be fun to have a younger version of me to teach, befriend, and play Pokemon with!