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what are asperger men problem

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Shau
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01 Dec 2012, 10:37 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
You actually don't know that. there are no studies to back you up, no evidence whatsoever. that's what is so frustrating about these threads - they come from the point of view of the people who are not successful. the successful aspie males are not posting on L&D day in and day out, they are out living life (yet interestingly when females get into relationships they often still post here). so there is a skewed idea that most aspie men are not successful because there are so many that complain on the board! it says nothing at all about how many successful aspie men there are in total, or how many unsuccessful aspie women there are in the real world.


It's true, there's no research on this topic and there really should be. However, I'm also part of a couple of social groups designed for Aspers, totalling about 50 people between both of them. Of the men, maybe 10% of them have ever had a girlfriend, and most of these guys are university educated or trained in things such as mechanics so they're hardly losers with no future prospects.

The women, meanwhile, most of them have had boyfriends, and of the few that haven't, it's generally not due to a lack of ability to attract mates, but rather being too reluctant to get into a relationship because of social stresses associated with it. That's a BIG difference.

It's a hard reality that we Asper males face: We're just not very attractive to women, not even AS women. I'm just glad I can get the odd ONS. I've never personally been able to secure a relationship before.

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In my real life aspie group, 80% of the aspie females that i met were single. that's about the same ratio as the males in the group. you can't glance at the people who post in one area of one forum and proclaim which gender has it harder. it just isn't accurate.


Right. But, how many of these single women have NEVER had a boyfriend before?



blunnet
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01 Dec 2012, 11:01 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
thread after thread thread that tells them how easy it must be for them.

It's not easier but I do wonder of the likelihood of experiencing dating or a relationship, comparing to zero experience, if it favors one gender over the other, and the experience doesn't mean it has to be good, but rather, having lived through something compared to nothing, and which of both genders.

From observation, it looks that it favors females.
Shau wrote:
Right. But, how many of these single women have NEVER had a boyfriend before?



Who_Am_I
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02 Dec 2012, 12:48 am

BlueMax wrote:
1000Knives wrote:
You realize you're proving his point, right? All women gotta do is exist.

I almost don't WANT to agree, but I'm afraid there's a lot of truth to it...

My sister is a good example of this. She's morbidly obese (easily +300 lbs) has terrible hygiene, smells gross, never brushes her teeth (which are blackened, broken, stinking and rotting out of her head).... and she always has a boyfriend of some kind shacking up with her for all the free sex they can stand.


OTOH...
Seems like the few single gals my age want me for nothing but sex! I'll pass, thanks! I won't settle for anything but a real, loving relationship.


So...
Your sister can get people who only want her for sex.
AND
You get offers from people who only want you for sex.
So in reality, you get the same opportunities your sister does, but you're just pickier.


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BlueMax
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02 Dec 2012, 12:56 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
So...
Your sister can get people who only want her for sex.
AND
You get offers from people who only want you for sex.
So in reality, you get the same opportunities your sister does, but you're just pickier.


Yeah, that's about right. I'm not on the same bandwagon that some are... I've known some very nice gals who had trouble getting boyfriends simply because they weren't bubbly, outgoing and.... well.... common.

Yeah, I'm a little more discerning... though "picky" is not the word I'd choose because I want a relationship, not to be used as life-support for a human dildo.
I'd reserve "picky" for refusing lots of GOOD people for small, stupid reasons.



Who_Am_I
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02 Dec 2012, 12:58 am

BlueMax wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
So...
Your sister can get people who only want her for sex.
AND
You get offers from people who only want you for sex.
So in reality, you get the same opportunities your sister does, but you're just pickier.


Yeah, that's about right. I'm not on the same bandwagon that some are... I've known some very nice gals who had trouble getting boyfriends simply because they weren't bubbly, outgoing and.... well.... common.

Yeah, I'm a little more discerning... though "picky" is not the word I'd choose because I want a relationship, not to be used as life-support for a human dildo.
I'd reserve "picky" for refusing lots of GOOD people for small, stupid reasons.


But that doesn't prove that all women have to do is exist, since you're getting the same types of offers but rejecting them.
If your sister was getting plenty of genuine offers for a decent, loving relationship, that would be a different matter.


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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


Last edited by Who_Am_I on 02 Dec 2012, 1:00 am, edited 1 time in total.

steviewonderau
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02 Dec 2012, 12:59 am

My issues: ugly/unattractive, low intelligence, low self-esteem/confidence and poor communication skills.



BlueMax
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02 Dec 2012, 1:11 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
So...
Your sister can get people who only want her for sex.
AND
You get offers from people who only want you for sex.
So in reality, you get the same opportunities your sister does, but you're just pickier.


Yeah, that's about right. I'm not on the same bandwagon that some are... I've known some very nice gals who had trouble getting boyfriends simply because they weren't bubbly, outgoing and.... well.... common.

Yeah, I'm a little more discerning... though "picky" is not the word I'd choose because I want a relationship, not to be used as life-support for a human dildo.
I'd reserve "picky" for refusing lots of GOOD people for small, stupid reasons.


But that doesn't prove that all women have to do is exist, since you're getting the same types of offers but rejecting them.
If your sister was getting plenty of genuine offers for a decent, loving relationship, that would be a different matter.


You're barking at the wrong guy. Attack one of the ones who DO believe that women "only need to exist". :?



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02 Dec 2012, 3:43 am

One "problem" I have noticed with a few male posters here who complain of being permanently single is desperation. I don't think this is the main reason they're single - the reasons are deeper and more complex. But it can't help. There's a reason desperation is unattractive:

There are posts that indicate these men don't care which woman they get to date or sleep with. If they approached a girl they actually had feelings for, and were concerned with whether they could make her happy and what interests her, I think they'd stand a better chance than approaching girls whilst obsessed only with boosting their social status and self esteem and being able to say they are no longer a virgin. Many girls will most likely be able to tell a man who genuinely finds her particularly attractive from a man who doesn't care anything about her beyond the fact she's female.

I also agree with the post that said it's a problem when men blame women for rejecting them. If a man is only nice to women when he is hitting on them because he thinks there's something in it for him, he's not going to come across anywhere near as attractive as the man who is nice to people even when there's nothing in it for him.



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02 Dec 2012, 4:13 am

Withdrawal wrote:
One "problem" I have noticed with a few male posters here who complain of being permanently single is desperation. I don't think this is the main reason they're single - the reasons are deeper and more complex. But it can't help. There's a reason desperation is unattractive:

There are posts that indicate these men don't care which woman they get to date or sleep with. If they approached a girl they actually had feelings for, and were concerned with whether they could make her happy and what interests her, I think they'd stand a better chance than approaching girls whilst obsessed only with boosting their social status and self esteem and being able to say they are no longer a virgin. Many girls will most likely be able to tell a man who genuinely finds her particularly attractive from a man who doesn't care anything about her beyond the fact she's female.

I also agree with the post that said it's a problem when men blame women for rejecting them. If a man is only nice to women when he is hitting on them because he thinks there's something in it for him, he's not going to come across anywhere near as attractive as the man who is nice to people even when there's nothing in it for him.


um, wrong. How come so many women sleep with men who will dump the next day? you know the player type.
when you say '' finds her particularly attractive from a man who doesn't care anything about her beyond the fact she's female.''
um, don't so many women end up sleeping with them type of men, anyways? the ''players''
it sicken, not for my case but how so many women are so willing to sleep with a guy because he's an ''alpha'' or a ''player''
or is ''hot'' . so many women are so trick by these ''players'' who have such good ''game'' that they get women in bed,
but these men don't give a f about any of the women they sleep with at all.

when women put some much emiphany on approach skills, or how good a man a game is, women are going to find out they are going get used alot. users type men are very charming. and know how to ''seduce'' women for their own personal gain.



Shau
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02 Dec 2012, 5:04 am

billiscool wrote:
Withdrawal wrote:
Many girls will most likely be able to tell a man who genuinely finds her particularly attractive from a man who doesn't care anything about her beyond the fact she's female.
When women put some much emiphany on approach skills, or how good a man a game is, women are going to find out they are going get used alot. users type men are very charming. and know how to ''seduce'' women for their own personal gain.


I hate to say it, but he's kinda got you there. If what you said was true, then either these "players" are exceedingly good at concealing the fact that they're mainly in it to get their dick wet, or women are terrible at picking up on men just trying to get laid.



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02 Dec 2012, 5:23 am

True, it mainly applies to dating and long-term relationships, but also "players" do tend to pick out a girl they find attractive - and some girls will find that flattering. Whereas the perpetually single will here seem to pick out a girl who looks a low enough league that they might stand a chance, or whoever happens to be nearest, which is insulting.



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02 Dec 2012, 5:51 am

BlueMax wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
BlueMax wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
So...
Your sister can get people who only want her for sex.
AND
You get offers from people who only want you for sex.
So in reality, you get the same opportunities your sister does, but you're just pickier.


Yeah, that's about right. I'm not on the same bandwagon that some are... I've known some very nice gals who had trouble getting boyfriends simply because they weren't bubbly, outgoing and.... well.... common.

Yeah, I'm a little more discerning... though "picky" is not the word I'd choose because I want a relationship, not to be used as life-support for a human dildo.
I'd reserve "picky" for refusing lots of GOOD people for small, stupid reasons.


But that doesn't prove that all women have to do is exist, since you're getting the same types of offers but rejecting them.
If your sister was getting plenty of genuine offers for a decent, loving relationship, that would be a different matter.


You're barking at the wrong guy. Attack one of the ones who DO believe that women "only need to exist". :?


I'm disagreeing, not attacking. There's a difference.

Here's the post that you initially replied to, and the first part of your reply (sorry if the quote tags are messed up:


Quote:
BlueMax wrote:
Quote:
1000Knives wrote:
You realize you're proving his point, right? All women gotta do is exist.


I almost don't WANT to agree, but I'm afraid there's a lot of truth to it...


It looked to me that you were agreeing with him that the only thing women have to do is exist, and using your sister vs you as an example. What did you actually mean?


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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


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02 Dec 2012, 6:11 am

You can relentlessly "disagree" all you want - I'm not going to be goaded into an argument where my words will continue to be twisted around like that.

There's points to be made in both directions, seeking a "winner" is pointless.



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02 Dec 2012, 6:15 am

BlueMax wrote:
You can relentlessly "disagree" all you want - I'm not going to be goaded into an argument where my words will continue to be twisted around like that.

There's points to be made in both directions, seeking a "winner" is pointless.


I was trying to find out what you actually meant at the end of my last post, did you miss that?
If I was twisting your words I wouldn't have asked for clarification.
I'm not sure how quoting you verbatim and then saying "this is what it seemed like you were saying; if I'm mistaken, could you please explain what you meant" is twisting your words, either.


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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I


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02 Dec 2012, 6:46 am

Withdrawal wrote:
True, it mainly applies to dating and long-term relationships, but also "players" do tend to pick out a girl they find attractive - and some girls will find that flattering. Whereas the perpetually single will here seem to pick out a girl who looks a low enough league that they might stand a chance, or whoever happens to be nearest, which is insulting.


I got news for ya, even guys who care about and show interest in a girl will get dumped in favor of a player. Believe me, I'd know this.


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ColdEyesWarmHeart
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02 Dec 2012, 6:57 am

DialAForAwesome wrote:
Withdrawal wrote:
True, it mainly applies to dating and long-term relationships, but also "players" do tend to pick out a girl they find attractive - and some girls will find that flattering. Whereas the perpetually single will here seem to pick out a girl who looks a low enough league that they might stand a chance, or whoever happens to be nearest, which is insulting.


I got news for ya, even guys who care about and show interest in a girl will get dumped in favor of a player. Believe me, I'd know this.


Yes, but that player is going to hump her and dump her and one day she might regret what she could have had.

I've no idea why so many women seem to think they'll be the one who tames the bad lad? Why does any woman with a brain think a man with a track record of being a player/cheat/user is an attractive prospect? I've never understood it and probably never will.

All I can say is hang in there. When a 30something woman decides she's ready to stop playing the field and wants to find the man who'll be a faithful husband and father to her children, who do you think they will be looking for?