NT gal and aspie guy

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AspieOtaku
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17 Nov 2012, 12:07 am

sisterphoenix wrote:

*hugs* aspieotaku!

Aww thanks :oops:

*hugs back*

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Your Aspie score is 193 of 200
Your neurotypical score is 40 of 200
You are very likely an aspie
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JRR
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Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 48
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17 Nov 2012, 1:26 am

Sisterphoenix,

I tend to ask this of any NT lady who is with an ASD guy, but how did you two meet? It's usually under unusual circumstances or the woman initiating everything, as far as I've seen.

Thanks!

Evy7
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Joined: 20 Apr 2012
Age: 34
Gender: Female
Posts: 244

17 Nov 2012, 4:41 am

AspieOtaku wrote:

sisterphoenix wrote:

Thank you for the feedback thus far.
whitribbt, I understand that the expectations will be different. I'm still learning to re-tool my thoughts and expectations. In some ways, it's very fun to be so non-traditional.
AspieOtaku, I very much had to smile when you said "I'm glad he hasn't driven you nuts". Sometimes he does a little, but I'm older and more patient than I used to be. And it's really helpful that he began this relationship by telling me that he's going to be misunderstood and sometimes rude (unintentionally).
And Cathylynn, thanks for your feedback as well.

Any other feedback is really appreciated. Does anyone have any thoughts about talking to him directly about Aspergers? Does it matter? It really doesn't to ME, but I wonder if it might be useful for HIM to know and read more about it? I have an adult friend with a PhD who just learned this about himself and he's actually very excited. He came to it on his own, not through me, but I was happy for him. Wondering if I should guide my sweetie down the path that might lead to self discovery?

most NT girls get annoyed or driven nuts by my aspiness like being hyper repetitive getting excited easily occasionally hand flapping and spinning and overly affectionate as well as going on and on about something interested in not to mention what they say acting childish and act my age. :cry:

AW., that's sad. I like to cuddle and it's hard to find guys who like to do the same.

ManicDan
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Joined: 6 Nov 2012
Age: 39
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Location: Bear, DE, USA

17 Nov 2012, 10:00 am

Evy7 wrote:

AW., that's sad. I like to cuddle and it's hard to find guys who like to do the same.

thats funny, i love to cuddle and cant find women who want a guy to cuddle with. (its weird how on dating sites they all say they are looking for a nice guy, but then have no attraction to them at all because they sexually desire the bad-boy personality types)

sisterphoenix
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Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Wisconsin, USA

18 Nov 2012, 12:17 pm

JRR wrote:

I don't find our meeting terribly unusual. I will qualify this by saying that though I'm classified as NT, I'm certainly not "typical" in many ways. Most of co-workers find me peculiar.

Anyway, we met on a dating website that caters to "geeks". It was a slow process that led up to our becoming an official couple. He did actually initiate the contact through the site, and even followed up with it. Given our age difference, I did not immediately respond. He carried the weight on the front end.

Now that he has me "hooked", I do a bit more of the chasing. That's why I am here looking for information. I know it's not a rejection, or that he's disinterested, but interactions with him are so different than with an NT-NT relationship. If I wasn't convinced he's AS, I'd have been upset with him for what looks like disinterest long ago.

Always interesting....

sisterphoenix
Hummingbird

Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Wisconsin, USA

18 Nov 2012, 12:19 pm

ManicDan wrote:

Evy7 wrote:

AW., that's sad. I like to cuddle and it's hard to find guys who like to do the same.

Manic Dan, you might find more luck with older women. Not super-sure about that. I know for me personally, sex is secondary. I think many of us like bad-boy types, but eventually some of us grow up and realize that a guy like that is not going to give us the happiness we need.

nrgandy
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

Joined: 21 Jul 2012
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 68

18 Nov 2012, 2:00 pm

in reply to female desireing bad-boy personality types. i wouldnt say this is true i would say they desire more manly personality types. i found a guy on youtube going by the name playersumpreme and he gives some good advice! even nt's have problems!
ive recently tryed my hardest to learn more about what women like and it is working for me! but i also belive my as isnt that bad and ive only recently realised that a old teacher of mine knew about my as and was quite obviously helping me with things like eye contact etc.
but of course it is all trial and error ive had alot of ups and downs but i know one day it will be good i just have to make the effort! and im sure you can too! if you want pm me i can send you a few links to helpfull videos etc.

WantToHaveALife
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19 Nov 2012, 4:25 pm

too bad it will never be me

sisterphoenix
Hummingbird

Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Wisconsin, USA

19 Nov 2012, 11:10 pm

Dating, even for NTs, is sometimes very frustrating. BUT.... wonderful things can and do happen. I think it happens when you're not trying too hard. And yes, luck is involved. I was very happily married until my husband died. For 5 years, I've tried dating.... it isn't easy. We all just have to hang in there, I guess.

sisterphoenix
Hummingbird

Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
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Location: Wisconsin, USA

03 Dec 2012, 3:27 pm

Thank you all so very much for your conversations and assistance. I was truly looking forward to improving an already very special relationship with my sweetie.

Sadly, my love died the day before Thanksgiving. My heart feels as though it is irrevocably broken. I was so excited to take new steps to our common future. My beautiful boy is now gone.

:cry:

sbarne3
Snowy Owl

Joined: 8 Jan 2010
Age: 46
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03 Dec 2012, 4:03 pm

sisterphoenix wrote:

I'm so sorry to hear that sisterphoenix.
I take it that it was unexpected?
:cry:

_________________
AQ score= 37
Aspie score: 143 of 200
NT Score: 63 of 200
EQ=15 (low) SQ=27 (average)
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BlueMax
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03 Dec 2012, 5:35 pm

Am I to understand your late husband and your boyfriend are now BOTH dead???

That's horrible! ...the kind of thing that can really scar one's psyche! Please don't be ashamed to seek counseling, etc... we can only help so much around here.

So sorry for your loss.

aspiesandra27
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04 Dec 2012, 12:20 am

Awful....can't think of anything worse than that. Hugs.

AspieOtaku
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04 Dec 2012, 2:24 am

I am terribly sorry I dont know what could be more heartbreaking and painful to lose someone you love so dearly. If anything I am sure he still loved you with all his heart as he passed on. If there is anything you need we are here for you, you are always welcome on wrong planet. :cry:

sisterphoenix
Hummingbird

Joined: 13 Nov 2012
Age: 50
Gender: Female
Posts: 24
Location: Wisconsin, USA

04 Dec 2012, 12:51 pm

Thank you all.

It was indeed unexpected, and we believe unintentional. He told me that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he'd never known someone who fit with him, a "strange puzzle piece" so well.

I'm just heartbroken. He was such a sweet and gentle soul.

To answer the question asked about this being the second time I've lost someone: yes. Both unexpected. And yes, I would imagine it will leave a terrible scar. I was guarded for so long with my heart. My boyfriend was the only one who had been successful at finally opening it.

I have good friends and family, and everyone tells me I am "strong" and "remarkable".... I really don't want to be any of those things... I just want my David back.

Thank you to the one who said I'm always welcome at Wrong Planet. It was a really great place to help me learn more about an intimate relationship with an AS, and it made a great deal of difference to me. Really appreciate the warmth. Truly.

AspieOtaku
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06 Dec 2012, 4:11 am

sisterphoenix wrote:

You are welcome and you will always have a home here in WP here is a song dedicated to you from not only myself but i believe the rest of the members of WP![youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPZ40bu6P0Y[/youtube]

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