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An OKCupid message that about reduced me to tears.

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glasstoria
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10 Dec 2012, 10:28 pm

I am sorry to hear about that person's response to your message. :( Bummer. My thoughts about it are that maybe it is that woman's issues that are undesireable, not your thoughtful response to her profile. Maybe her brain doesn't see the connection between your combined interests and careers because she does not have the creative brain connections that you do.


I understand being at the point where you just want to be with someone, it is difficult to have all of this creativity to share and not have someone to explore it with, and to enjoy the simple things that bring beauty, like cold noses and christmas cookies and silly holiday hats, etc. I hope you feel better soon.


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Vomelche
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10 Dec 2012, 10:49 pm

yea it helps to grow some extra layers of thick skin



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10 Dec 2012, 10:51 pm

Generally the better people have it, the more they want. Even the poorest of people in the USA are very wealthy compared to most of the people who have ever lived, and yet we all want more. NT make friends easily, so they don't value it as much as we do. They are pickier and throw it away faster, the same way that well fed americans throw away perfectly good food for minor blemishes.



Ria1989
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10 Dec 2012, 10:56 pm

ShamelessGit wrote:
Generally the better people have it, the more they want. Even the poorest of people in the USA are very wealthy compared to most of the people who have ever lived, and yet we all want more. NT make friends easily, so they don't value it as much as we do. They are pickier and throw it away faster, the same way that well fed americans throw away perfectly good food for minor blemishes.


So agree.


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11 Dec 2012, 12:51 am

I'm sorry that happened to you. I wish you luck in the future.


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11 Dec 2012, 2:05 am

On the bright side at least she replied.

I'm sure she wasn't intending to further knock your confidence. Lots of guys complain that they don't even get a "not interested" in return when they send out lots of messages. Maybe she thought she was doing the polite thing.



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11 Dec 2012, 2:34 am

blue_bean wrote:
On the bright side at least she replied.

I'm sure she wasn't intending to further knock your confidence. Lots of guys complain that they don't even get a "not interested" in return when they send out lots of messages. Maybe she thought she was doing the polite thing.


However it is not to assume that a dating website is indicative of real life. An attractive girl in real life will be approached around 3 times a week whereas an attractive girl on a dating website could be looking at hundreds of messages a week.

You just have to keep in mind that even average looking girls get tons of messages. If you send a girl a message and they dont respond, don't sweat it, it's a numbers game.



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11 Dec 2012, 2:48 am

You were weak.

I bet I could pull a conversation with her and maybe even a date; when a girl tries to put BS "walls" (her giant ego) before me I use my Boo head to shatter them and approach her almost wall-less.

I am so master at this.



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11 Dec 2012, 2:57 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
And I envy that girl, who apparently can afford to be so choosy. How I would love to be regarded as attractive and desireable. To be desired and wanted.

I'm just so tired. I just want...someone.


You want for someone for the sake of having someone.

To be honest, if you are looking for acceptance and love for the wrong reasons, you are either not going to find it or you are going to find yourself in a situation you don't truly want. We see plenty of posts of complicated or unhappy scenarios of couples on this forum.

Don't build your dreams around someone else, build them around your own passions. Attracting someone as a result of sharing those passions and expressing yourself is what you truly want, otherwise you will just spend your life being a puppet of the social pressure of who you should be, not who you really are. You aren't an NT, you shouldn't feel like a pawn to their distorted perceptions of who you should be.



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11 Dec 2012, 3:47 am

Brianruns10 wrote:
So I wrote someone on OKCupid, sending this:

"I enjoyed reading your profile, and I noted how similar our interests our, with your journalistic and photographic pursuits, and my work in film and research. I love this site as much for the professional connections it offers, no?"

She replied thusly:

"I read your profile as well and honestly can say that our interests aren't very similar at all. Besides film and photography, which I suppose you could say correlate, I don't see anything else being compatible in the slightest. So I can't see myself putting down my "walls" for someone who I doubt I'll connect with"

I wrote back: "I'm sorry you feel that way, though I do wish you all the best in finding what it is you are searching for."

But really, I could weep. Why must this be so hard? Why do we people put ourselves and others through such misery, when what we all tend to want is so simple and fundamental. We all just want to connect. What is so wrong about that? Why are people the way that they are, and why do they treat others this way, who are only reaching out? I do not understand. I do not understand.

I don't see the rude part coming from her?

She could as well wrote: "I don't think you will ever find someone on here or in real life ever, because you're the most undesirable and repulsive "thing" I've ever had the misfortune to encounter in my entire life. I suggest you delete your OkCupid profile as soon as possible in order to save the poor girls on this website from having to deal with an accident like you. You sicken me. "People" like you shouldn't be breeding, ever."

Now THAT would be a horrible message.



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11 Dec 2012, 3:54 am

So I suppose you could say...
all in all it was just another brick in the wall?

Seriously, though, at least she had the courtesy to 1) read your profile and 2) comment on it. Think of all the people that take one look at the picture and then just move on. Okay actually don't, that's way more depressing :(



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11 Dec 2012, 4:09 am

^ true that, you should give her that, at least she replied.

Bur I would reply anyway: "Thank you for your eye opening, you made me realize how boring and mind numbing our date would be after checking your profile again. Thank you again for saving my time"



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11 Dec 2012, 4:59 am

^ I don't think it would warrant that kinda response.

I agree with Uprising, it wasn't particularly rude (a bit too blunt and straightforward maybe) and I don't see any fault on her part. To me it seemed like she was turning the OP down and elaborating on why.

I'll give the OP credit though that it's a bit silly to turn someone down because your interests aren't 100% similar (if indeed that is the real reason she turned him down). I'm never one to pay attention to interests to determine compatibility because my own are a bit scattered.



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11 Dec 2012, 5:05 am

blue_bean wrote:
^ I don't think it would warrant that kinda response.

I agree with Uprising, it wasn't particularly rude (a bit too blunt and straightforward maybe) and I don't see any fault on her part. To me it seemed like she was turning the OP down and elaborating on why.

I'll give the OP credit though that it's a bit silly to turn someone down because your interests aren't 100% similar (if indeed that is the real reason she turned him down). I'm never one to pay attention to interests to determine compatibility because my own are a bit scattered.


Nope, Boo is right, women only respond as a means to test the guy otherwise she wouldn't have responded at all.



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11 Dec 2012, 5:27 am

Well, I don't respond in order to test guys so I don't know where you're getting the "women do this" thing.

And who's to say the OP isn't quoting only a small part of the messages exchanged?



Mego
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11 Dec 2012, 5:31 am

I do not think she was trying to be mean at all. However, she mentioned a "wall" so maybe it is best she wasn't interested.