I want an NT girlfriend/wife and NT kids.

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This has turned into an obsession for me. No matter how hard I try, no NT girl has ever been close to appearing to like me in a romantic way. I really want NT kids, and I know that the likelihood of that is way higher than with an aspie woman. I want to see my kids be popular and live normal, social lives, being good at sports and getting friends and family, things that I have failed to do..

Do anyone else feel this way?

I used to want NT kids. But now I'm older ( 38 ) I'd much rather have spectrum kids - since I finally figured out how to see that's what's wrong is society's way of dealing with me (rather than what's supposedly wrong with ME). The next generation will have it better in that regard.

Autistics are AWESOME. I'm on social media a lot, and most of the rock stars in the various fields I follow? Strong spectrum tendencies.

Yes, childhood sucks being on the spectrum. But it doesn't have to.

i had an NT wife… but fortunately my four kids all inherited my aspie genes!

don't waste your life chasing something complete meaningless.

and i am not married to this NT wife anymore, because it failed totally because of our differences… and look forward spending the rest of my life with aspies only…. that includes my future partner!

you are setting your goals right, man.

dont ever feel like just because you are an aspie, you should only date aspie women.

keep in mind that you can change yourself into a person who behaves like a nuerotypical.

it took me years of hard work, but i did it.

dont let anyone hold u back

TA, you probably have to accept that there's at least a chance that your kids with have autism of some sort, no matter how neurotypical the mother is. Even if they are neurotypical, there's no confirmation that they will be "cool" anyway. But I wish you luck in your quest.

Just keep in mind it's very unhealthy to live through your children. Maybe when you have some you will learn to love them for what they are, as opposed to what you wish you were.

I don't get that at all. It sounds like you want to live the life you never got, through your children. In the cases where I have seen people do this, it is usually a recipe for disaster. My grandparents raised my father to be a doctor. He wanted to be a research scientist, and so they fought for years. I fight with him because I don't want to be a scientist, but he always pushed me to be one, because he wound up being a teacher.

What if your child is autistic? Are you going to live your whole life carrying the wish that they weren't? What if they find out? Are you actually going to say the words : child, I wish you were normal? I think that will hurt them, it will hurt you, and if you find a woman who loves you, it will hurt her to realize that no matter how much she loves you, you don't love yourself.

That's what I think the real problem is. You're unhappy with the way your life has gone, so you're looking to use your progeny as a re-do. This is not fair to your children, because it doesn't let them live their own lives if you are looking at them as extensions of yourself. Furthermore, it isn't fair to you. Even if your children grow up exactly how you want, you will still be the same person, and whatever emptiness you feel about your own life, you will still feel. I know it is the oldest dating advice in the world, but before you think about a wife and children, you should find a way to be proud of your own life. Otherwise you will never be truly happy.

That's a very unhealthy obsession to have.

I too would wish to have an NT child, but I may have to accept the child's fate (if I ever a child, that is, which is super-unlikely considering my track record with women during adolescence). I know I need to have more confidence, but I've conditioned myself to not have confidence in order to keep from being called a douchebag or other names of the sort for being too confident. I wish to have an NT wife to avoid the issue, but I must accept the fact that I may have autistic children or that I may never find love.

If you're worried about creating a difficult life for your children by passing your autism genes to them, then you could always adopt children. If I ever have kids, I'm going to adopt them, not father them naturally. I figure that it's better to do something good by helping out a kid in need than to do something of questionable value and bring another child into this world who may suffer great pain and dysfunction in his/her life.

But seriously, who cares if they're into sports. Sports are in no way a prerequisite to happiness.

Adoption is not an option. I want kids that are of my flesh and blood and who look like me.

I want the woman I will marry to be "NT", honestly I can't imagine even going out with someone that has AS (I also have it and no that's not hypocritical, let me explain) because I know the communication problems I have and what I can and can't handle/explain, I think it would just be overly frustrating for this potential partner and I, to not be able to explain things to each other, or express how we feel. Even if we both knew the reason behind it, I feel that there wouldn't be a real connection there, and in the end the frustration that we'd feel, not toward each other necessarily, but for ourselves, would lead to a bad end.

My mother has mentioned it before, because she is in a position where she knows a lot of people and has said to me before that she would've liked for me to find a woman who was on the spectrum because of the issues I've had with most "normal" people (NT).

In the end however, most women see me as not being "boyfriend/husband material" because of the problems that I have. So for me, it's a hope, but a fairly slim chance.

Seconded.

Having a/an NT wife when you're not is going to make things difficult enough.
Offspring? You're insisting it must be yours, genetically. The only way you're going to be sure of getting an NT child would be to kill any that aren't - or get into genetic manipulation.

...besides, with a whole family of "normal people" (so to speak) you'll really be the odd one out...


This is just not going to end well... the obsession right down to the possibility of it actually happening is bad all the way down the line...

You might want to really think hard about WHY you want this so bad. Find the root cause... then work on changing it to something healthier and more likely.

I don't see how it's likely, I've met like maybe a dozen people with AS in person in my entire life?

I seriously think you're blowing the idea way out of proportion here, you're implying that one would actually consider killing children because they're not "normal" (nt), or allowing them to go through genetic manipulation that is experimental at best. That in itself is very presumptuous as to the character of the OP, and making such assumptions is a very bad idea.
Furthermore, with a real family, the OP would not be the "odd one out", and if they were then that family must not love them very much and the spouse shouldn't have had kids with them to begin with (if someone is going to see you as the "odd one out" that's not going to just spontaneously happen suddenly, it'll either be there, or not).
As for whether or not it's a bad idea, that's for the OP to decide, none of us know what this person can handle and what they can't, it's not your, nor anyone else's place here, to tell them what's a bad idea or not in terms of something like wanting a family that doesn't have the hardships that the OP has.
Lastly, wanting a family that is "normal" (nt) is a healthy need, and the only reason it wouldn't be likely is because of people who see us as most people do, but they're not worth the time or effort. By your last statement you seem to imply that we have to settle for people like us because we're unwanted by normal society and that somehow wanting a family that doesn't have our problems at every turn is "unhealthy".
I'm sorry, but that is the biggest load of bs I've ever heard. If we all settled for something just because we have AS, then we'd never find happiness, and that is not the way to live.

@OP
If a normal family is what you want, please do go for it, don't listen to people like this who think it's an "unhealthy obsession" to try to be happy. Having said that, genetics will always play a part, regardless of who you're with and the kids may or may not have issues like us, but the best chance you have to have kids that are NT is finding a spouse who doesn't have our issues (NT). It's a 50-75% chance that kids will and roughly a 25-50% that they won't have it (depending on dominant and recessive genes for both parents), but it would be even more drastic numbers and even more likely (closer to 75-100%) if the spouse has genes with the disorder. That's just science, that's how genetics work. So, you go into this with open eyes now, I hope you make the right decission for you, I'm not one to say what that is, but regardless of your decission, i hope it works out for you.

If the AS gene is recessive, the child of a non-carrier NT and an Aspie will be NT. A recessive gene has to be homozygous to come into effect.

Elementary school biology...

Except I'm an Aspie and had an Aspie kid. There goes your "elementary school" theory.

So if that happened to you - how upset would you be? Could you handle it? If not, don't have kids at all.