Scared to say I Love You

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Sorry if my topic is too long, I tend to go a little over-board with my story-telling.

So about a year and a half ago I worked at a kiosk at a mall. A tall man who worked with security, with long black hair pulled back in a ponytail approached me once and handed me a piece of paper. He smiled at me and I saw him check me out and left. Right away I thought "Hey this guy is cute!" So for the past five months we chatted at work. He would stop by my kiosk and we would talk. He shared with me his favorite games and anime. See I am not really into anime (used to be when I was younger) and when it came to games I only knew a few. But hearing him talk about it never bored me at all.

After December we exchanged numbers and started hanging out at more places other than the mall. I was really starting to like this guy. In March I asked him out, and he said yes. I was so happy! While dating I did find him a bit odd, but I never judged him harshly. I suffer from chronic depression and ADHD and have been judged my whole life, so I try not to judge people. Plus I thought if he did have some sort of disorder he would tell me. After a month he said "I love you," and I told him I loved him too. Everything seemed to go well. He cared for me and smiled all the time. His smile always made me melt on the inside and I told him that.

We decided to make plans for our four month anniversary. We were going to travel to a hot spring near our city and go to a fancy restaurant that he enjoyed and that I haven`t been too. I was so excited, this was my ideal date! Then the day came. I got off work at met him infront of a movie theater near my place. I tried to give him a kiss and he jerked away. I was so confused and hurt by the action. He broke my heart that day....He left me saying he no longer felt romantically in love with me anymore and did not see it going any further. I broke out in tears right in-front of him, I felt like I was dying on the inside. He tried to give me a hug but I pushed him away and said not to touch me again. I got out and walked all the way home.

As I said before I suffer from chronic depression, I do not take medication for it. But after he left I felt depression trying to take me. I fell into depression. I ran away in a way. I got a new job in a different mall hoping that not seeing him would heal my broken heart. Two weeks after we broke up his aunt contacted me. That is when I found out he has AS. I knew very little about AS other than my mother believe my brother may have it. I read up on it a bit but eventually gave up.

I started dating another guy but it did not seem right to me. We ended it after two weeks.

I was really sick one day. And a message appeared on my phone saying "Hey. I miss you." I deleted him from my contacts so I didn`t know it was him at the time. We started to talk that day and he came to my house after work. Even though I was sick and looked like crap he still smiled and pulled me into his arms. I was so happy. We went on a walk that night. I had a blanket rapped around me and he offered me his coat, I said no though cause I did not want him to get sick. We walked to a bench and sat down. On instinct I curled into his body and we cuddled. We talked and talked. I told him that I knew he had AS. He was quiet and said he was sorry. I told him not to be sorry. I then shared with him my problems. We spent maybe three hours on that bench just talking to eachother.

We started hanging out again. And we kissed and cuddled like we used to. He would hold my hand in public and nip at my ears (cause he knew I liked it). When we are together we act like little children in a way. We giggle and tackle each-other in public, joke around. Things people would consider un-adult like. And he is the only guy that has brought my inner child out in public. I started buying books and reading articles on-line about AS and about dating someone with AS. He found it surprising that I would do such a thing. I just told him that I care and want to learn everything I can.

We started dating again. And I couldn`t be any happier. However now I recall one of our conversation about how he broke up with me because he is scared of intimacy. So here is where I struggle. We have been dating for a month now and I despiratly want to say "I Love You" to him. But I am scared that he will once again run away and never come back. I have used words like "I miss you," and stuff like that. He has replied sometimes with the same words or "you too."

We`ve slept together, gone on numerous dates, hung out, met eachothers parents and what-not. Just all that is missing is "I love you." How should I approach a situation like this. If I said "I love you" do you think he will get scared again? Or should I put it off for a while longer maybe?

Thanks for your help and being patient to read my story

me too

Say it if you want to say it. The problem I see is that we may want to say it, but our fears as to the response temper that need. Why? Because when we hear it we don't know what to say in response, hence perpetuates a cycle.

If you say it, you can be hoping/wishing/desiring him to say it back, but recognize (steel yourself) that he cops out with "awww, that's sweet" type of response. If he says it back, slowly tell him about how much you felt, missed him and potentially what you want the next steps to be BUT be aware that you don't want to come out a) all gushy ("OMG, I'm saw glad you said it! I was so worried!") and b) you don't jump too far down the road / path of your future ("OMG, can we now pick out colors for our wedding?!?")

i scared to say "i hate you" too

Yah that sounds like him. Thanks so much for your advice. I will try my best to stick with it

We must really be careful on saying this three letter. Sometimes you might give false hopes to your opposite sex.

I agree with saying it as long as you honestly can deal with not hearing it back. I had to say it, it was such an overwhelming feeling that it needed to be said. In my case, I did not, and still do not expect to hear it back. That's a difficult thing to accept at first, but love is shown more in actions than in words. I sent my feelings, stating I loved him in it, through email. I ended it with the statement that I did not want a response; I just wanted him to know. I did it that way to decrease any pressure on him, and to also allow him time to absorb what I said. He hasn't ran away yet. Good luck.

I've said "I love you" to so many complete jerks, that I've just stopped saying it at all, unless it's to immediate family. As for dating, it'll be a cold day in Hades when I say those three words again. It's just not happening.

but for those among the social successful here on WP, there will come a time when a singular person appears in your life that you will mightily regret never revealing your feelings to them.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-giocTm9vwk[/youtube]
the above bit from the movie "carousel" expresses this theme poignantly.

This is a very weird love story, like from some Gondry movie, but I must say I felt really dreadful for you. To be honest, I can´t really say I understand the guy´s behavior. What he did to you - that sounded downright uncaring. I cannot understand you began dating him again, I would not trust him next time.

And maybe that is the problem: there does not seem to be a lot of trust in that relationship. Maybe you are both afraid to open your heart to the other OR maybe he does not understand his feelings and is scared by their intensity. He can also not understand YOUR feelings. I don´t know. But it´s weird. If you think you two are meant to be together, then OK, date him. But I would ask him straight, if I were you, where is the problem.

Maybe he thought you are too good for him and that he could scare you away with his behavior, so he pushed you away for the first time. Now he does not behave toyou any better. He is clearly not a bad person, quite the contrary, but maybe he needs some help.Why is he scared to say the "I love you" thing? Ask him. Do not walk around it. You DESERVE to know. You are his girlfriend.