Dating without friends.

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I mentioned this in an earlier post, but it's been bothering me enough to make a topic about. I ended a long term relationship about 5 months ago and with it inadvertently ended about a dozen friendships (who, although it was a peaceful breakup, seemed to feel they had to pick a "side" and immediately ceased contact with me). This was pretty jarring, but I kept myself occupied with school and the friends I had made there. Well, I've finished up my course now and have been steadily drifting away from all the people I met there, too, despite my attempts to keep in touch (a lot of them live interstate and only came down here to study, which makes things extra difficult).

Suffice to say, I've reached a point where I want to re-enter the dating world, but find myself with almost no friends at all (in fact, the closest person to me right now is my ex, as we still chat every now and then). How big of a problem do you think this will be? Would you be worried about dating a girl with no friends? Or worried about what might be "wrong" with her? I have a lot of hobbies and interests that I pursue on my own and can carry a conversation easily, but obviously, anybody I start dating is going to pick up on my lack of a social life eventually, and it might really bother them.

Has anybody been in this situation before? I'd really appreciate some advice!

Your ex's friends aren't worth bothering about.

Those who pick a side are merely sheep and you don't want to associate yourself with shallow people who think that way.

I don't think it matters if she has many friends or not, as long as YOU appreciate her for whatever she does when she's not around you.

All I can say is make many friends in different groups, that way if one group decide to not talk to you again you can move onto the next group.

I think you should go ahead and date and whenever it comes up in your new relationship, explain what happened exactly like u did here. It's totally normal and nothing to feel weird about. It's too bad your friends felt like they had to choose sides but I've had the same thing happen and you can't control what other people do, you can only control your response to it. So just get on with your life and if they're real friends, they'll get back in touch someday. It sounds like you have a lot of interests and are confident and intelligent so whoever you are dating next might just feel lucky to have someone like you all to themselves.

Thanks for the reassurance guys, I guess it's just a matter of not stressing about it and letting things happen naturally. That's probably the solution to a lot of problems, really, though it's more easily said than done.

And Shacketracket, that's very kind of you to say!

I'm NT but I haven't any friends either because I'm extremely introverted and avoid people, but my BF doesn't mind that, I have never thought it would be considered a problem. And plus, I'm sure you can make new ones eventually.In my case I'm content with family contact and my relationship.

Before you are going to our for a date, it would better if you could know your partner first. It is to avoid any gap that might happen in your date.

Probably not such a good idea. You got it all backwards. That's how NT's--more precisely NT women--think (but don't usually operate), and it's the exact opposite of how aspie men ought to operate. You want her to be infatuated and hopefully have slept together several times before she begins to realize that there's something "off" about you. By then, she'll be blinded by love and less likely to care.

If you haven't even kissed her within either the first or second time of meeting her, consider it a lost cause.

Of course, you're a girl, and you're going to disagree with everything I say. But, guys, listen up: only a guy is going to be honest enough about how it works from a guy's perspective. I think a lot of women give PC advice from a very idealistic perspective that doesn't work in the real world if a guy actually tries it.

I can relate to that, your story makes sense. Many people who are divorced will relate to that story.

Tryi0n,
First of all, the OP is a girl.
And your advice will only work for a short time period until she realises anyway, at which point they generally run, or decide to try and "fix" you. Once the fixing fails some time later, then generally they run. Those who are not going to accept you for who you are will leave anyways, so it's a toss up between not caring and doing it anyway, or finding someone who accepts you.

Ruckus,
Personally I haven't found the times when I haven't had a social life to impact negatively on my dating life that badly (assuming you are already dating someone), so I would just explain to them and then not worry about it. They will think you are weird or odd for it, but they are not likely to break up with you over it.

Although, if I may point out - having a social circle will probably benefit you more than anyone you date. It's going to be the back up and support you need when you get down, especially considering your age. Often it provides some sanity when a relationship ends, or you are going through a rough patch in your relationship or your dating life.

While it's not a hinderence not to have one, it may limit your opportunities in finding a new person to date, but other than that having one largely benefits you in the first place.
I would focus on getting out and about on the occasions that you feel up to it and make an attempt to form a social circle, but don't get caught up over it if it doesn't happen the way you planned.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't think having a partner will be a substitute for a social life, and I don't want it to be. If I could choose between a long term relationship and a solid circle of friends I would choose the friends in a heartbeat, but it's not a choice for me to make. Building friendships takes time and mutual effort; I can't simply turn up to an event and instantly befriend everyone there (though I always put my best foot forward and try to get to know people). I also tend to meet a lot more people who want to date me than people who just want to be friends.

I mention the dating thing because I did actually meet somebody the other day and things went pretty well. It got me wondering where this will lead, and if my situation might become a problem.

I also noticed you said "focus on getting out and about on the occasions that you feel up to it" - make no mistake, I'm an extrovert through and through and am pretty much always up for a night out (even though I've been going out alone more often than not lately).

Also, MariaMosum and Tyri0n, I don't know what you're trying to say, could you rephrase that?

That's not true at all, people are allowed to pick sides in a situation like this, in fact, I'd say that any of my friends who didn't do exactly what this person's ex's friends did weren't really the ex's friends in the first place. My recent breakup was a great example of this, all my real friends immediately ceased contact with my ex, and those who didn't, I quit talking to.

It sucks, but it let me learn who my true friends were.

i have no fdriends and it hass come up before. On one first dat e i went on wit ha girl from pof she kept asking me if iknew some of her friends bc they went to my college. Of course I ddint know them as I have no friends....
Also today I exchanged numbers with a girl and she was asking if i knew some of her friends bc we both went to the same school..her mom actually asked and got us to exchange numbers which prompted me to think(does this girl have friends if her mom is pushing her into me here?) I got turned off there as well.

I think insecure people find it more important, since your having a large group of friends suggests that you're worth being friends with.

But well-adjusted people shouldn't care, because they should be able to judge you on your own merits, rather than having to rely on weird fuzzy logic to do the work for them.

I think you sound interesting, and I'm sure I'm not alone.

I think the biggest problem in the dating world with a girl not having friends would be with her networking to meet a guy & get the date. I think the other problem would be if the guy has more friends; he may think that the girl would need more personal time with him that would take away from his friend time that she would tag along with his friends sense she has few/no friends to occupy herself with. My girlfriend has few friends & I have almost no offline friends & it works for us; we spend time with each other instead of friends.