Online Dating

Post Reply New Topic

Here is my view on this- before sharing from what others have told me, such as family or friends.

I see this as a spring board. A place where guys and girls are all sharing one common thing (we would like a mate, love, whatever- we choose we want a date, sex, hang out, or friends) all sites are different. Well, I see a cute girl, I click her photo, read her profile, she seems legit, so I send her a message.

So this seems to be good for me, because 1. First impressions freak me out, when I have no idea who the person is, what they stand for, or what they like, etc. and 2. I love to write. I am good with words, and express myself well with them.

By writing back and forth a few times, BEFORE meeting at a PUBLIC facility such as starbucks, tea/coffee shop, or simply a park to walk and talk, we build a foundation of commonalities of things to talk about on our first little date. If it goes well, we go on a legit date, and progress from there into relationship if it all goes well.

Problems I have: No responses- even after a respectful good message, or we talk and suddenly they indirectly almost expect you to know they don't wish to be more than friends, or just stop all contact...

What others have said such as parents, or others, is that it is dangerous. Anyone can put and write anything online, put any picture they want up there, and say anything. Yes, I have been lied to on there once, when a girl didn't tell me she was pregnant with the last guy she was with, and suddenly threw it out at me, demanding an answer whether I will dump her or not. As I was in college, no money, and lived 200 miles away, I couldn't be the father her baby needed, nor whom she should want to have in her kid's life. I just couldn't do it at the time.

My argument would be that, you call the person, thus you know it's not a dude behind the screen, however people could still disguise their voices. So, while for me, it is so much easier to connect with people online, the real world interactions I have I tend to have with doing business, working, church, friends, etc. That's all. I've never really had a romantic girl in which I develop something with. Online, it started, then we met in person. Otherwise, we may not know the other, to even be in the same place to meet in person.

I would love your thoughts on this, as I contemplate this issue. To do this or not to do this. Is it wise? Is it naive of me? I know there are creeps and stinkers online. I'm aware of this.

Just some opinions, wisdom, insight, please!! Thank youall!

Online dating can be a great way to meet people that you wouldn't otherwise ever run into out in the world, and I've had success with it in the past. I've never encountered any creepers, although I seem to be good at sussing out somebody's character before agreeing to meet them.

I wish there was a poll option for "met through friends" as that's how I've met the majority of my partners when not online!

I agree, in that it opens doors. How do you weed out the ones or see through the profiles, key signs that make it as if they aren't legit?

Online dating is good for women because they have unlimited choice from desperate guys messaging them.
Online dating is generally a waste of time for most guys who must send out lots of messages and get little or no responses.
Males typically out number females by 3 to 1 on most dating sites. Odds are stacked against males on dating sites and they usually have to waste a lot of time messaging random females. If you are male and not attractive or an Alpha male than you have little or no chance on dating sites.

I don't know if I have any hard rules, it's just a feeling I get. Generally speaking though, I will ignore those who are: way, way older than me, people who constantly put themselves down in their profile, people who constantly put others down in their profile or compare themselves to others (references to how they are not like the "other girls/guys"), and similarly, people who have a giant list of things they hate rather than talking about what they actually enjoy, people who's opening message to me is sexual in nature, people who's opening message to me is novel-like in it's length, or people who don't fully grasp the English language (this may seem unfair, but communication is important to me). OKCupid in particular is great in that you can compare your question answers to other's before you message them, which helps to weed out the people with whom your values will decidedly clash, so that's something I do, too. Of course, the success of this depends on how you yourself answer those questions.

None of this necessarily means they're not "legit", but it helps me steer clear of certain types of people (overly negative, controlling, or just plain crazy people, basically).

Yeah, see I had an okc profile, was very positive, unique, and sent respectful messages to the females I found attractive, and seemed sweet and cool. But I just never got any responses. Like Stevie wonder said it almost seemed like a waste of time, because I put thought and effort into my communication with them, yet seemed to get blown off, or even a nice "I don't think we'd be a good fit" I mean- I know nobody is obligated to answer back, it'd just be nice I guess. Or when you message back and forth, and they suddenly stop... I can't see into their minds, which makes it harder. lol

lots of females have positive things to say about dating sites because they have much greater success on those sites and they are bombarded with responses from males. on the other hand it is very hard being a male on a dating site. males are better off going out more and pursuing women in real life and stand a much better chance.

If I see somebody refer to men and women as "males" or "females" on their profile (unless it is literally in a scientific context) I would consider that a red flag. It's just so clinical and kinda creepy. Same with the use of the world "alpha" in reference to dating (or other pick up artist terms). Sorry guys!

That's what I've been told. Clubs, coffee shops, church groups, etc. But, my thing is knowing, when and how to make the move, I tend to blurt out how I feel, and it screws it up. The girls I've met in person all have been friends, and stayed that way, or are "off limits" in that they are taken, or not into me like that. It's just so hard. Online we all share the common ground of finding a mate. We have a foundation to go by- talking points from the profile. I express myself better in writing.

Well I mean no disrespect to 'women' a female is a girl is a woman is a lady is a chic. I didn't mean to be scientific or refer to anyone as an object, in fact I respect women and girls very much. I guess I feel more comfortable saying female and male, because it just- I don't know. No creepiness intended. As a christian guy whom has strong values and morals I stand by, I really have no other intention other than to find mutual, wholesome, transparent love.

And no I never refer to the genders in those terms in my profile, or messaging I don't say "You seem like an amazing female" I say you seem like an amazing person to know... lol I can see where you're coming from. Somebody whom always refers to those terms, can sound robotic in a sense. lol I don't even know what an "alpha" male is... is that like a guy whom is very assertive? Or pushy?

Haha it's alright, I'm sure you didn't mean it, but I (and many others) have noticed a trend where people who refer to women as "females" often have unhealthy views about relationships. I'm not saying that you have unhealthy views (you seem pretty reasonable in this thread), but it's a possible message you might be sending people as, unfortunately, a significant stereotype has developed around the use of those terms.


'Alpha' in this instance is a pick up artist term and I personally find that kinda stuff really gross and distasteful (and also untrue).

What kind of message would it send? Yeah, I really believe a relationship is 110/110. An equal ground between two whom love each other. People whom take the others' hand, and face the world together, fighting the battles, celebrating the victories, and partaking in the romance. I've read a lot of books and articles on maintaining strong, healthy relationships, etc.

Women are not a seperate species. That's an awfully big generalisation to make of the roughly 3,486,869,216 women who live in this world, and by making such a statement you are only widening your own personal divide between yourself and women (and thus further hurting your chance at having a healthy relationship).

Last edited by ruckus on 22 Jan 2013, 9:20 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Well, it's like I've been told about my aspergers... we are wired differently. The mind and thought process of a woman tends to differ than of a man. It's totally possible to learn how she thinks and processes things... listening and empathy are things in which I have noticed are common, and can take the guy a long way. Understanding, sentiment, things of that nature. It's possible to switch from logic mode to a different mode. The brain is a muscle, communication is learned, we go to the gym to strengthen our arms and hearts, we can also strengthen our intellect beyond logic into sentiment, and emotion as well. Intellectualism is not just logic. Many think this, but the heart, soul, and intuition is also a form of intellect in which is all acquired and learned.

Also, I agree. men and women differ in some ways, but share many commonalities. I am a male, but I am very strong in being empathetic, and feeling what others feel, and trying to understand. I try to walk in everyones' shoes. It benefits you, because then you learn, but know yourself better as well, your likes dislikes, etc. Women are a different gender. Women are very attractive! That's really it. We all have a soul. We all have heart, emotions, feelings, desires, passions, needs, wants, and other things. Humanity is all a common species, our brains are all wired differently, yet we can always connect. Spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc.

Women have strengths and weaknesses that vary, minds that vary, as do men. Some guys are never in touch with their emotions, while others are. As is with women. Many women are very thick skinned, in that they are more like men. It's all a spectrum.