Feeling ugly, flat chested and that I'm not good enough

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Okay. So earlier, my boyfriend and I were with some friends of ours and my one gay friend asked my boyfriend if women should be allowed to go around topless (long story). My boyfriend said they should be wherever men can, but that they "shouldn't be mad if [he checks] them out." This hurt me deeply. He knows I'm self conscious of my small breasts. We got in a small argument and he went to the school rec center, then came back for the event I'd been helping with. We apologized to each other but I'm still upset. I feel smaller than I did before and like mine aren't enough for him. Like I am not enough for him. He wants to leer at other women's breasts - and not in porn. He wants to see them in real life. I feel so repulsive and like a child I could cry.

I don't know. I guess I just needed to vent.

He sounds like a normal guy. I don't think he meant anything hurtful by that. Flat over fat, any day. . Try to get over it.

I'm awfully self-conscious of my boobs (or lack thereof) as well .

Your boyfriend has a habit of putting his foot in it, doesn't he? I think you two need to sit down and have a long talk, about his off-the-cuff remarks and your self-consciousness. He needs to understand that these comments are hurtful but you also need to understand that they're not meant to be hurtful...if that made any sense whatsoever. I need to stop doing other peoples jobs.

Otherwise either a) you're going to be too hurt one day to forgive and you'll break up or b) he'll get sick of you and you'll break up. Either way, we have a break up.

I feel for you. I shave my head, but if I didn't I would be what they call "partially bald." And, a lot of people use that as a segue for attempts at being cruel and degrading. There are plenty of fish in the sea, so it might be time to find someone with better manners. He probably didn't intend her you, but klutzed to bit.

While I don't want to go on at length about your body parts, what men find attractive and significant varies widely. So, even I've never seen you, I'm sure we could say that your figure would be attractive to many men. It's very easy to take someone else's careless statement, projected on to yourself, and then maximize its magnitude. You deserve to have good self-esteem and comfort with yourself. I've had girlfriends with all sorts of figures, including two who had breast surgery and one who had full mastectomies. It didn't make a big difference. In fact, it made no difference at all in the relationship. With the right mindset, one can appreciate what is good and negate those things that are not. Really, that is a life skill. If your boyfriend never learns that skill, he will have a miserable life. That said, one way or the other, I'm betting you're a cute babe.

I hope you feel better.

I had to accept the fact a long time ago that my body does not exist for others, I do not have to be beautiful etc. It didn't really help me, if I'm being completely honest. I still hate to see myself in the mirror. I know my girlfriend loves my body the way it is and any way it could be, because of the mind that occupies it. Some days I just have to remind myself my body is just a vehicle to move my brain around, and it's the only way I can stop obsessing over how much I hate my face/body.

I think I might have body dismorphic disorder or something. I don't know what advice to offer but I just wanted to say I can relate, my heart goes out to you and everyone else with body image issues.

Ladies, I don't want to get too explicit, but many men have no problem with small breasts, and there are some real advantages. The whole big boob thing is blown way out of proportion (pun intended), so consider yourselves to be without deficiency.

Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 25 Jan 2013, 12:25 am, edited 1 time in total.

Let me start out by making sure you know I'm trying to be supportive here, not critical!
You've made a number of posts on this and related subjects about how violently insecure and sensitive you are about your body. The slightest of comments seems to be often taken in the worst possible way and your reaction seems far greater than warranted.
I worry your unhealthy, fearful view of yourself will only feed off itself and get worse with age (I've seen that before from men & women alike.) I'd really recommend addressing THAT... whatever works for you. Support groups, books, counselors, therapists, whatever works... this is your issue. You can't control what other people say - only how YOU react to their words.

Somehow... you need to convince yourself there's nothing wrong with you, and that you're just fine as you are. Once that happens, any comments to otherwise can be more easily dismissed as "irrelevant". Best wishes!

And yet I'm willing to bet if there's a large pair walking past you'll take a sneak peek

BlueMax, I've noticed that an awful lot of women who have autism and Asperger's suffer from low self-esteem and poor self-image. So far, most of the women here seem very nice and the photos I've seen show pretty girls. When I read through the ads on aspieaffection.com, virtually all of the women are attractive to me. And the ones who aren't, it's because of some difference in lifestyle. Honestly, I see a higher percentage of attractive women among Aspie girls than I do among the rest of the population. I wish there was something we could do for them.

I sneak a peek at every pretty girl that I can. And, if I get the chance, I'll do a head to toe scan. I'm a normal man and proud of it. Well, I'm a high-functioning autistic, but otherwise normal.

Last edited by ShelbyGt500 on 25 Jan 2013, 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

I agree completely. I think it has something to do with how so many people have pushed us "weirdos" away for so many years... it just gets into our head that we're "not good enough" (for a million different reasons or even no reason at all.)
How can you convince someone who's convinced they're ugly that they're perfectly fine - even attractive... (sometimes very much so.)

Whoever can figure out that one deserves a Nobel prize!

Don't let it bother you much.

Many men including myself generally prefer breasts on the small side. Small to medium always seemed more proportional as far as I'm concerned.

One thing I have definitely noticed is that women who had smaller breasts in high school and college generally seem to be much better at keeping their figures and generally look much better in their late 40s and 50s than those with larger breasts. Those who had larger breasts in high school and college nearly always seem to end up with rather saggy breasts by the time they are in their late 30s or 40s, often much sooner.

One relative of mine had breasts that just kept growing until they hung down below her waist and gave her all kinds of problems. She ended up having to have surgery to make them much smaller.

As far as looking at women's breasts, it really doesn't matter if they are small or big, if someone shows them, I'll certainly look.

Count your blessings.

By the way, there was one girl in my school when I was a freshman in high school who was very plain and gawky.

Years later I was in a restaurant and noticed this very attractive woman about 40 sitting nearby. I asked my brother who it was. He laughed and told me. It was that girl in high school who had been very plain and gawky. She turned out to be quite good looking, it just took her a bit longer than many.

Just going to jump on the "bigger isn't better" crowd. I love small boobs! Small boobs are only small so that the sexiness contained within can be all the more concentrated.

Shoot. I just realized I forgot to delete this before putting it in the Women's category. This thread is getting more helpful responses though.
@ Shau you're partly right. All breasts have the same number of nerves, so smaller ones are more sensitive.

At the risk of repeating what everyone else has said: just because your boyfriend is OK with the idea of women going around topless doesn't mean he doesn't like your boobs. I don't see the connection there. Most men like looking at boobs, it's a biological fact that has nothing to do with how endowed their girlfriends are. And like others have said, men prefer different sizes. I like small to medium sizes personally.