Women always try so hard to ignore me and look away from me?

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Alienboy
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04 Feb 2013, 10:16 am

I am like the most unapproachable person in the world. I think it is because I am so antisocial and awkward. In public, I always catch myself daydreaming and thinking deeply about things. I don't really focus too much on what is going on around me because I know that I am never welcome to it. The people around me would just be a disappointment, so I tend to tune everyone and everything out. This would include my own emotions. I think I am kind of like a robot. I think I lack the ability to be social and when I exert all my efforts into being social, I just look like I'm trying to be something or somebody I am not. Every single time I even just look at a woman in public, they look away or look down at the ground, look passed me, etc. I really don't get it. I am an attractive guy and sometimes I smile (very rarely though). If someone looked at me without smiling, it wouldn't bother me so much and it certainly wouldn't make me look away at all. Just yesterday, there was this woman in line at the store behind me. I thought she was cute and just glanced at her (not even staring) and she instantly looked down and I could tell she was doing all she could in her power to avoid eye contact with me. It was really insulting. I am not a bad looking guy. I am really thin and maybe awkward/weak looking, but that is no reason to look away from me eternally like I am the devil or something. I really don't understand this world and peoples' complete disinterest in me. Does this happen to you too?


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Yuugiri
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04 Feb 2013, 10:33 am

If you're really as attractive as you say, they could just be bashful/shy. If they look away from you when you look at them, that means they were looking at you first, perhaps even checking you out.

An alternate hypothesis is that you come off as intimidating.


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hyperlexian
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04 Feb 2013, 10:39 am

why were you trying so hard to make eye contact with her? in order for you to notice that she was trying hard to avoid looking at you, you would have to be putting in significant effort to try to make eye contact in the first place.

most people do not make eye contact with strangers as far as i can see, unless there is a legitimate social reason to do so. your level of attractiveness does not equal a good reason for eye contact in line at a supermarket. sounds like she treated you like most people treat each other in public.

anyway, don't you have a girlfriend who is moving to live with you?


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MjrMajorMajor
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04 Feb 2013, 10:42 am

Two thoughts for you. It could be that they're misreading your expression, even with a casual glance. If you tend to be more expressionless, a lot of people may see it as unfriendly or hostile. If they look away, but then look back after a couple beats they could be flirting with you. :)



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04 Feb 2013, 2:47 pm

@hyperlexian - Yes I do. That is not my point though. I wasn't trying to flirt with this woman by any means. I just often find myself interested in doing little social experiments and simple observations once in a while. I am assuming that everyone who replied was correct. I have been told in the past that I am really handsome and that I have intense eyes. It is strange because other people have told me that I have friendly and non-intense eyes. I guess what everyone sees is different. In this particular case, the woman in line glanced at me first and then I only looked back at her in response to her glancing at me. That is when I noticed she quickly darted her eyes away from me like I was some sort of demon from a nightmare of hers. She could have just been intimidated and shy because a few moments later...she did the classic whip out the cell phone technique. She was practically boring holes into it with her eyes. I always wonder why I come off as so intimidating? I am a really relaxed and low-key type person and people around me always seen unsure and nervous. I think I need to figure out how to better come across as more friendly or just more approachable? This is not for meeting women because I have a gf. This would be for just meeting new friends and being social in general. It still bothers me that most women do this to me. It would still be nice and validating to my esteem if a woman other than my gf showed attraction to me. Then I wouldn't feel like this creepy alien every time I cross paths with and make eye contact with any female.


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Alienboy
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04 Feb 2013, 2:51 pm

@Yuugiri - I catch women looking at me when I am not looking at them all the time.

@MjrMajorMajor - They never look back at me once I have looked at them without smiling (sometimes even if I smile!). I will admit I don't smile at women often (now because I have a gf) but before because I am just not really social. The just noticed that women often look at me and I notice from the corner of my eye. I look at them. Then they quickly look away and seriously look like they are doing their best to keep their eyes from ever making contact with mine again. It seriously makes me feel like I'm the devil.


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sacrip
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04 Feb 2013, 3:06 pm

There's just no way to know until we could see you in person. You might think you're only glancing when you're really staring, or maybe you have a mean facial expression when you don't mean to, or maybe you don't come across as good looking as you might think. In other words, when you have to choose between "I am the problem" and "Everyone else is the problem", the odds favor the former more than the latter.


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04 Feb 2013, 3:17 pm

I'm a sexy aspie
nice face, muscular body
women stare at me

I had a [crazy alcoholic] young girl come on to me in front of her upset boyfriend [a surfer friend!], last night.

They cant control themselves



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04 Feb 2013, 3:21 pm

@sacrip - I know it is not because I am not good looking and because I stare. I am pretty sure the problem is because I just don't really look friendly enough. Even when I smile...it feels forced. I think people just pick up on my negativity and realize I am not someone they should be making eye contact with/socializing with/etc.


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ripped
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04 Feb 2013, 6:57 pm

Alienboy, try this.
Look at yourself in the mirror ( no I'm not joking ).
At first your reflection will be what you want to see, then as your face relaxes and your mind sees it more objectively, it will appear more and more what it looks like to other people.
Now ask, 'What does this face say to me?'. That should say just a little of what you unconsciously put across.

About eye contact with girls.
It takes guts for a girl to hold eye contact, because every other guy out there is likely to take it as a come-on.
The better looking the girl, the more unwelcome attention she gets, so there is a barrier there.

When you are in a good mood and seriously want nothing from a girl, like in the situation you described, just try saying 'Hi'.
Then do it again to another random. Keep doing it without any motive except to see what comes back.
Do you get "Hi's' back? The occasional smile? Or do they all keep looking at the floor?



shrox
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04 Feb 2013, 7:29 pm

Alienboy wrote:
... Every single time I even just look at a woman in public, they look away or look down at the ground, look passed me, etc. I really don't get it. I am an attractive guy and sometimes I smile (very rarely though). If someone looked at me without smiling, it wouldn't bother me so much and it certainly wouldn't make me look away at all. Just yesterday, there was this woman in line at the store behind me. I thought she was cute and just glanced at her (not even staring) and she instantly looked down and I could tell she was doing all she could in her power to avoid eye contact with me. It was really insulting. I am not a bad looking guy. I am really thin and maybe awkward/weak looking, but that is no reason to look away from me eternally like I am the devil or something. I really don't understand this world and peoples' complete disinterest in me. Does this happen to you too?


I get this too. Yet women in passing cars will lean out the window to yell "wooo baby"!



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04 Feb 2013, 8:13 pm

Maybe you should move to Eastern Europe or Russia.
I notice that even though they are beautiful like a model, when they catch you looking at them, they smile back, here in the UK even ugly fat girls sneer at you like you are a piece of dirt they just trod in.

Or another place to go is where there are drunk girls, they seem much more friendly and don't seem to notice if you don't get the social bit exactly right.

I wonder if there is an intensity about our gaze that frightens women, like the stare of a hungry wolf, they can probably read signs we don't even realise we are giving, maybe thats why on the very rare occasion I did have a girlfriend, other Women seemed to come on to me, but when I haven't, they run a mile yet I don't perceive my own actions as being any different.



Alienboy
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05 Feb 2013, 11:04 am

@ripped - It is funny that you mention this because I do this all the time. I wonder what it is other people are seeing that I am not seeing. I just did it again this morning. I honestly do look scary looking. I just have one of those faces I guess. I am really thin, so I have the high cheek bones, sharp eyes and other sharp features. I think my sharp features, sharp glare and lack of smile just make me look like a psycho or dangerous person. Women are not going to continue eye contact with someone like this. I guess I will just have to try smiling more. That is another whole problem because smiling feels alien to me. I feel like it takes so much work and effort to force and hold a smile. Does it sound like I have some serious personality issues? I mean isn't it ridiculous that something as simple as a smile feels "alien" to me? I can't relate to other people for the most part, so I just never engage in conversation or even in sharing a smile with people. I thought about seeing my psychologist again to possibly get on some medicine. Maybe I need it. I think I have a chemical imbalance in my brain and that is why I am always so nonchalant about people and life in general.

By the way, I am tempted to post a photo of me looking into a mirror on here. Just so people can see how evil and creepy I look naturally.


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05 Feb 2013, 12:17 pm

what is the purpose for wanting to change this about yourself, though? i mean, you posted this thread in Love & Dating, not in General Autism or Social Skills & Making Friends. so i wonder at why you'd be keen to have women in particular see you differently.


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MXH
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05 Feb 2013, 12:20 pm

hyperlexian wrote:
so i wonder at why you'd be keen to have women in particular see you differently.


what is there to wonder? He feels women see him as someone to avoid. He wants to change that. its pretty simple to me



hyperlexian
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05 Feb 2013, 12:27 pm

MXH wrote:
hyperlexian wrote:
so i wonder at why you'd be keen to have women in particular see you differently.


what is there to wonder? He feels women see him as someone to avoid. He wants to change that. its pretty simple to me

but he already has a girlfriend, so why would he need to change? this makes no sense to me. if i was wanting men to react differently to me in a love & dating context, and i asked for advice to help me with that, my boyfriend would rightfully wonder what on earth i was up to. i mean, i have allllllll of the boyfriend that i need..... don't i?

if i needed help coming across better for friendship reasons, there is an area of the forum for that.
if i needed help coming across better in general due to autism, there is an area of the forum for that.

it would make no sense to ask about it here unless it was for love & dating, and... the OP isn't single.


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