Okay so, I'm not here to argue that men and women cannot be friends.. even though yet another study has basically shown this.. I'm not going to argue that having opposite sex platonic friends isn't valuable in a social setting or can't lead to other opportunistic for romantic partners.. what I'm going to do is argue the difference between people who are actually your friends and people who are your "Friends".
Now.. I'm reasonably certain I'm going to get lashed with the "Nice-guy" brush by certain members here.. but that's really not the case.. I've had a number of good, close and very positive female friends who are actually my friends. We hang out, we talk about stuff, we don't hog the conversation, I like them and enjoy spending time with them and their families, just exactly the same as my male friends. The conversations may be a little different, but the camaraderie is mostly the same. They, just like my male friends, may occasionally ask me for advice or help or something like that and I will generally do my best to do it. Their boyfriend is building a deck and needs some help and they know I did construction, okay fine, I'll come and spend a Saturday hanging out at your place. Cool. just like I would if a male friend needed help moving to a new apartment or something. Whatever the reason for the help, I try my best to be amenable since well these are my friends.
On the other hand, the idea of "Just Friends" seems to be something which is caused by a mis-communication.. either deliberately or not, on the part of one or both parties. What I'm referring to here is the girl who seems to be hip to the whole "Nice-guy" thing whether he is actually a "Nice-Guy(TM)" or is really just a nice guy who wants to be nice to them. She's the sort who will constantly flirt with you.. so long as you keep buying her stuff. She will constantly drop hints about "Not being ready for a relationship... yet".. so long as you keep listening to her pity party and complementing her. I've come across LOADS of these type of people.. and they aren't Always girls.. but lets face it the average guy is not going to just keep buying stuff for a male friend unless he's your nephew or little brother or something. I might occasionally pick up dinner or a round of drinks for a group of friends.. but I don't do it consistently.. and none of them expect me to do it... and if one of our group does.. the others will usually do it next time... But I've come across quite a few girls/women who seem to think that even if you're "Just friends".. they aren't expected to pay for anything, you are. They may tell you they are interested in a romantic relationship but it's always couched in language which infers the idea of "yet" or it's always difused by further flirting and further blurring the lines of friendship and relationship status. Thats why I said they are taking advantage of understanding how the "Nice Guy" of either stripe works. They know he views sex as transactional, and have NO intention of ever giving him what he wants.. but are more than willing to take advantage of the situation so long as it doesn't become confrontational. Don't get me wrong, no amount of coffees of concert tickets or what have you entitles you to sex or obligates her to have sex with you.. These women are different than 'Gold diggers' cause gold-diggers usually go after men (or women) who are such high status that you simply will not get what you want out of them without providing them with sex. Gold Diggers then are really just prostitutes with commitment. the "Just Friends" girl is not willing to actually commit to anything.. and truth be told she's probably just as sad and lonely in her private life as the "Nice Guy(TM)" is.
I hope I'm being clear on this.. I'm not trying to excuse what the guys are doing.. but I don't like it when the idea that women/girls can act in equally abhorrent ways with equally underhanded or subversive purpose is ignored.. I've spent enough time at game-cons, anime-cons, comic-cons etc to see these sorts of women in action A LOT. The reason I bring this distinction up is that very often on this website you will get, mostly female, posters talking about how you shouldn't snub the idea of "Just being friends" with women or girls. They are right, you should not. But make sure that when you are "Just friends" one "Friend" isn't more equal than the other. And people, of both genders, need to be aware of this. In any ecosystem there is a natural predator for any creature.. Humans natural predator is the leopard but we've basically expanded so far outside of our natural ecosystem as to remove the leopard as a real threat, but people who still live near them still fear them and still build walls to keep them out. these so called "Just friends" are in my opinion the natural predator of the 'Nice guy'(TM). the problem is that these predators don't really differentiate between him and the guy who is actually just really confused or shy and is honestly just laboring under misconceptions... anymore than the Leopard differentiates between the large bi-ped primates it intends to eat.
15 Feb 2013, 6:09 pm
