How does NT protect themselves from AS meltdown?
05 Mar 2013, 2:59 pm
Since then, Feb 14, he has been melting down with the info. He is now disrespectful, and mean when he calls me. He 'limits' our calls to 15 minutes and has the rudeness of announcing the countdown.
My question is, once he is in meltdown mode (for two weeks now)....Is there anyway to 'reach' him? Is there anyway to stop his negative behavior?
I agree that it's best to move on from him...Does he at least apologize afterwards?I know when people are angry or in meltdown, they say hurtful things...but I understand when they apologize afterwards and try to to at least minimize saying them.
05 Mar 2013, 3:46 pm
How about asking him to apologize sometimes like the rudeness on the phone and him not caring about your feelings? Although he cannot help his meltdowns, he should be able to apologize and show you care. If he refuses to do even that, then maybe it will be best for you to be happy away from him. You deserve love and care like we all do.
05 Mar 2013, 4:18 pm
I am NT, but I am speaking from my own perspective based on what I have learned from being with my Aspie for 5 years. Here are my tips that I have learned from experience and reading books.
The main cause of meltdowns can be due to multiple stressors occuring at once. For example; change, stress at work, loud noises, bright lights, touch, taste and certain smells. It could also be due to the day he's had; working really hard to read people's non-verbal queues and constantly having to act like an NT. This can be exhausting when it doesn't come naturally.
When he's in meltdown mode, avoid reacting in anger at all times and stay clam. If you react in anger, it'll only make the situation worse because your anger will increase his anxiety and he will also mirror your behaviour. If you stay calm, he will do the same. Leave the room if you need to, give him a lot of time alone and let him pursue his special interest so that he can recover. Once he is recovered and you are on talking terms, perhaps you should try and ask what you did to upset him. If he has upset you, you should tell him exactly what he said or did and explain why it upset you. It is also important that you explain what you want him to do to make it up to you. He will then learn to do that certain thing to try and cheer you up every time you let him know something he did or said annoyed you. For him to learn this he may need to be reminded a few times before it becomes a script. I found that just this technique alone improves the situation ten fold from my experience and your aspie will appreciate your efforts to stay calm during his meltdowns.
You can also try distracting your aspie to avert his attention from his meltdown by mentioning his special interest, using humour or mention something he likes perhaps a massage or try to do something for him. I have found that back massages and massaging temples works too. This method works because it will take his attention off the stressor, as a result causing him to think of something else he likes. This will calm him down and make him forget what he was angry about. I would however, only use this method if the anger is not directed at you and he's mad about something else. This method entirely depends on how angry the Aspie is because it may not always work if he is very worked up about something, for example; in red zone.
In a book I read, the wife's husband was in denial about his Asperger's and she basically read all she could about it. What she did was; she printed off some positive traits and interesting articles about Asperger's and left them lying around the house. If you do this, he will most likely read the positive traits and not have the misconception that being an Aspie is a bad thing. You need to show him that Aspies are just wired differently to NTs. I think the more that you apply these methods, the more he will be willing to talk to you about it. More importantly, he needs to accept that he has Asperger's before he seeks diagnosis.
Well, thats all I have. I really hope that this can help you! I can recommend some books as well if you like. They may be helpful to you in these types of situations.
05 Mar 2013, 8:44 pm
I'm an Aspie and I agree that it's always best to leave the person alone before, during and even after the meltdown, do not chase that person up let them come to you!!
For the things I've read it seems that NT's make it about them, they talk about how the meltdown hurts them, they talk about feeling unsafe and whatever and while the NT is responsible for their own safety and emotional well being and this is part of why they're advised to leave the ASD person alone before, during and after a meltdown and the NT is also responsible for learning to understand what a meltdown is if they're involved with someone on the spectrum particularly if it's of a romantic nature or if they have a child on the spectrum however at the same time it is the Aspie's responsibility to watch for signs of a meltdown and yes those who are more attuned can detect signs of a meltdown...I am one of those people and it is the Aspie's responsibility to go somewhere on their own just prior to the meltdown if they can and yes we are responsible for apologizing for the impact of a meltdown but not the meltdown itself as it's one's way of releasing....At the end of the day it's not about the NT!!
When someone on the spectrum has a meltdown they don't give a s**t whose around, what people think or who it's upsetting because they've lost control and are genuinely unable to regain that control at that point so there is nothing one can do to stop...not even the person close to having a meltdown can stop it...
The general rule with meltdowns is to ride the storm...
S
Last edited by Crazygirl79 on 05 Mar 2013, 8:47 pm, edited 2 times in total.
05 Mar 2013, 8:45 pm
Good advice!!
The main cause of meltdowns can be due to multiple stressors occuring at once. For example; change, stress at work, loud noises, bright lights, touch, taste and certain smells. It could also be due to the day he's had; working really hard to read people's non-verbal queues and constantly having to act like an NT. This can be exhausting when it doesn't come naturally.
When he's in meltdown mode, avoid reacting in anger at all times and stay clam. If you react in anger, it'll only make the situation worse because your anger will increase his anxiety and he will also mirror your behaviour. If you stay calm, he will do the same. Leave the room if you need to, give him a lot of time alone and let him pursue his special interest so that he can recover. Once he is recovered and you are on talking terms, perhaps you should try and ask what you did to upset him. If he has upset you, you should tell him exactly what he said or did and explain why it upset you. It is also important that you explain what you want him to do to make it up to you. He will then learn to do that certain thing to try and cheer you up every time you let him know something he did or said annoyed you. For him to learn this he may need to be reminded a few times before it becomes a script. I found that just this technique alone improves the situation ten fold from my experience and your aspie will appreciate your efforts to stay calm during his meltdowns.
You can also try distracting your aspie to avert his attention from his meltdown by mentioning his special interest, using humour or mention something he likes perhaps a massage or try to do something for him. I have found that back massages and massaging temples works too. This method works because it will take his attention off the stressor, as a result causing him to think of something else he likes. This will calm him down and make him forget what he was angry about. I would however, only use this method if the anger is not directed at you and he's mad about something else. This method entirely depends on how angry the Aspie is because it may not always work if he is very worked up about something, for example; in red zone.
In a book I read, the wife's husband was in denial about his Asperger's and she basically read all she could about it. What she did was; she printed off some positive traits and interesting articles about Asperger's and left them lying around the house. If you do this, he will most likely read the positive traits and not have the misconception that being an Aspie is a bad thing. You need to show him that Aspies are just wired differently to NTs. I think the more that you apply these methods, the more he will be willing to talk to you about it. More importantly, he needs to accept that he has Asperger's before he seeks diagnosis.
Well, thats all I have. I really hope that this can help you! I can recommend some books as well if you like. They may be helpful to you in these types of situations.
05 Mar 2013, 8:48 pm
I'm AS and my wife is NT. If I'm getting overstimulated, she sometimes sees it coming and stops talking to me (communication is very taxing and overwhelming), will sometimes encourage me to close my eyes and will rub my back or something to try to soothe me (only if it's socially appropriate at the time), but most importantly will take over the stupid mundane tasks that I find difficult to navigate. For instance, if we're at a grocery store where there are tons of colors, people constantly bumping into me, and she will be yapping at me about god knows what, I'm definitely going to get overwhelmed.... when she sees this coming, she'll stop talking and tell me to just follow her through the store or ask if I want to instead wait outside for her to finish shopping.
05 Mar 2013, 10:04 pm
Wow thank you all so much for all the good advice. I'm at present debating with myself if hes just Aspergers or (or an as*hole) an abuser as well. He is abusive...but I do know that everyone diagnosed with Aspergers is not an abuser. I love him and do hope that it can work out. But on the other hand, everyone deserves a loving caring relationship including me. Not every guy is an abuser...I think! Haha to all you sweet stable guys out there! I do think his meltdown at present (since Feb 14) has been an ongoing effect of being told (by me) I cannot take this anymore, and by the way you has Aspergers! I know that was harsh...but after abuse for six months with a meltdown each month and me trying to feel safe again only to have the rug pulled out from under me when I used the wrong word, had a wrong look on my face, moved a bottle of wine 2 feet, asked for a hug etc...beleive it or not...all these things had been a catalyst for meltdown. I think the real reason for the present meltdown is my diagnosis of him and the fact that his 13 yr old daughter shut him out of her life and wont see him or have anything to do with him anymore since sept. sept is when the meltdowns began!
when he is melting down i try to remove myself from the room. in the car i listened to the whole thing and when we stopped the car i gave him a hug (that seemed to work). I'm not a robot, i have feelings that get very hurt too. Sometimes its so hurtful that i pack my stuff and begin to leave, sometimes following thru and sometimes not. i never yell back at him...at first i started to defend myself but i see now that is a dead end, i think. I am so down, so depressed about this whole thing. cause i see the best thing i should do for myself is leave him...but i do love him and i know he loves me...and thats what makes the decision so difficult. 
05 Mar 2013, 10:10 pm
I am also NT and have been with my AS boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. We also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Although he gave me the answers to what he needed I interperated them in a NT style not in AS fashion. He is not violent or critical of me but he stomps and bangs and swairs under his breath.. and long story having nothing to do with him.. it always freaked me out. When I finally realized he is AS I too had to learn a new language, but once I learned it I noticed HUGE changes for the better in our relationship. Hugs are ok for him but if he is getting ready to leave or has something on his mind I have to ask for a "real" hug to get a relationship type hug. However, he is similar to your BF just with sex. With most NT guys you can look at them sideways and they are good to go.. If I came out in something sexy the pressure would be too much to make things happen. The first part of your question was how to deal with the meltdowns. Find the triggers. Don't over think it. It is likely simple and easily fixable. My BF use to get annoyed after dinner. This went on for years and then randomly in a conversation about something else he mentioned that it drove him crazy for people to throw food away. I noticed that not only did he eat everything on his plate but if there was a sauce he ate all that too. So the next night I told him I had lunch late and not to put too much on my plate. (he cooks and plates dinner) I ate it all and there was no tension after dinner. I did this night after night.. using different excuses. One night I forgot and after dinner I had not finished. I asked him if he would mind if I took the rest for lunch tomorrow he said sure.. why did you ask me that? I told him that I knew it bothered him when I threw out food and I wanted him to know I didn't throw it out. Problem solved. Not just this but similar situations over and over. I have never said Oh.. because you are AS I need to do XYZ.. because honestly he does the same kinds of things for me. He works on an Indi film and they shoot at night. I am freakishly paranoid that something will happen to him. I am also not that "girl" who calls and texts every 20 minutes all night so I sit and worrry for hours. My only request is he text me when he is on his way home. I explained all of the reasons why and that this way I can go to sleep but if I wake up and think he should be home I don't have to worry. He forgets little things like that all the time but he has never once forgotten this. He knows it is important to me and so he does it. I find that the "safer" he feels just being himself in our invironment the less difficulty he has.. and, now that I understand what the stomping, banging and swairing means and he knows I try to help it doesn't bother me and I simply say.. Is there anything I can do to help out. 9 times out of 10 he tells me. If he says NO! I say ok.. let me know and go do something.
As for him not being able to hug you because you asked. A hug seems simple enough but now he is over thinking it.. I imagine it is much like hugging someone you really like for the first time when you are not 100% sure they like you as much. Plus, a hug may not mean the same thing to him. Imagine if your bf expected you to shake hands when you said hello and goodby and at random times during the day. You would be thinking... that is weird.. a hug may be the same to him. I do this in different areas.. First I explained to him why physical contact was important to me.. My bf hugs often and will cuddle.. I really need skin to skin contact.. i am not even talking about sex.. just his hand on my back but touching skin somehow is intimate to me and I crave that. So I explained it all to him and reasons why etc etc.. Then I said.. when I need this is it ok to let you know then I will just step back and wait for you to be ready to do it? At least this way I feel like I am letting you know what I am needing and then you don't have pressure to jump in unprepared. Don't expect things to happen in 20 minutes or even the same day.. just let it go as long as it needs to. There are some things he will do right then and other things he needs to warm up to. He knows now what you would like and if there is no pressure he will want to make you happy because you respected him. And don't feel the need to bring it up again as a reminder. He remembers. He never forgets anything! I don't know if it is an NT or a female trait but we seem to have this need to slip in hints and reminders which only makes it take longer because you have to start over.
I know you said you have been together 7 years and you would think he "knows" he is safe with you by now. As much as you may not have judged and you may have tried to be understanding have you tried to alter your ways to compliment his? That is when you will have the things that you want from him. A hug just because you asked for it.. him to tell you how to stop the meltdown. The adjustments are easy enough and honestly I have seen so many changes in him.. As if when he doesn't have to work to think through everything he does really well on instinct
05 Mar 2013, 10:49 pm
I am also NT and have been with my AS boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. We also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Although he gave me the answers to what he needed I interperated them in a NT style not in AS fashion. He is not violent or critical of me but he stomps and bangs and swairs under his breath.. and long story having nothing to do with him.. it always freaked me out. When I finally realized he is AS I too had to learn a new language, but once I learned it I noticed HUGE changes for the better in our relationship. Hugs are ok for him but if he is getting ready to leave or has something on his mind I have to ask for a "real" hug to get a relationship type hug. However, he is similar to your BF just with sex. With most NT guys you can look at them sideways and they are good to go.. If I came out in something sexy the pressure would be too much to make things happen. The first part of your question was how to deal with the meltdowns. Find the triggers. Don't over think it. It is likely simple and easily fixable. My BF use to get annoyed after dinner. This went on for years and then randomly in a conversation about something else he mentioned that it drove him crazy for people to throw food away. I noticed that not only did he eat everything on his plate but if there was a sauce he ate all that too. So the next night I told him I had lunch late and not to put too much on my plate. (he cooks and plates dinner) I ate it all and there was no tension after dinner. I did this night after night.. using different excuses. One night I forgot and after dinner I had not finished. I asked him if he would mind if I took the rest for lunch tomorrow he said sure.. why did you ask me that? I told him that I knew it bothered him when I threw out food and I wanted him to know I didn't throw it out. Problem solved. Not just this but similar situations over and over. I have never said Oh.. because you are AS I need to do XYZ.. because honestly he does the same kinds of things for me. He works on an Indi film and they shoot at night. I am freakishly paranoid that something will happen to him. I am also not that "girl" who calls and texts every 20 minutes all night so I sit and worrry for hours. My only request is he text me when he is on his way home. I explained all of the reasons why and that this way I can go to sleep but if I wake up and think he should be home I don't have to worry. He forgets little things like that all the time but he has never once forgotten this. He knows it is important to me and so he does it. I find that the "safer" he feels just being himself in our invironment the less difficulty he has.. and, now that I understand what the stomping, banging and swairing means and he knows I try to help it doesn't bother me and I simply say.. Is there anything I can do to help out. 9 times out of 10 he tells me. If he says NO! I say ok.. let me know and go do something.
As for him not being able to hug you because you asked. A hug seems simple enough but now he is over thinking it.. I imagine it is much like hugging someone you really like for the first time when you are not 100% sure they like you as much. Plus, a hug may not mean the same thing to him. Imagine if your bf expected you to shake hands when you said hello and goodby and at random times during the day. You would be thinking... that is weird.. a hug may be the same to him. I do this in different areas.. First I explained to him why physical contact was important to me.. My bf hugs often and will cuddle.. I really need skin to skin contact.. i am not even talking about sex.. just his hand on my back but touching skin somehow is intimate to me and I crave that. So I explained it all to him and reasons why etc etc.. Then I said.. when I need this is it ok to let you know then I will just step back and wait for you to be ready to do it? At least this way I feel like I am letting you know what I am needing and then you don't have pressure to jump in unprepared. Don't expect things to happen in 20 minutes or even the same day.. just let it go as long as it needs to. There are some things he will do right then and other things he needs to warm up to. He knows now what you would like and if there is no pressure he will want to make you happy because you respected him. And don't feel the need to bring it up again as a reminder. He remembers. He never forgets anything! I don't know if it is an NT or a female trait but we seem to have this need to slip in hints and reminders which only makes it take longer because you have to start over.
I know you said you have been together 7 years and you would think he "knows" he is safe with you by now. As much as you may not have judged and you may have tried to be understanding have you tried to alter your ways to compliment his? That is when you will have the things that you want from him. A hug just because you asked for it.. him to tell you how to stop the meltdown. The adjustments are easy enough and honestly I have seen so many changes in him.. As if when he doesn't have to work to think through everything he does really well on instinct
I have to say when I read this.. all I could say to myself was... yes... oh wow... yes... She is so bang on in this - at least for me personally.
Me and my boyfriend have talked at length about how things need to be done (yes need, NOT want) or not done and what reactions he can expect if he "just does it" .. he has been so kind and considerate of my needs and for me, I want to be kind and considerate of his. That is way important to me. That doesn't mean that I won't have a meltdown and be inconsiderate in them. But I do my best to not melt down in front of him. I don't want him to see me that way. Not always avoidable, but when I do he is so good natured about it. He says now that he understand WHY I behave the way I do - he no longer wonders "wtf?"
I have a son and daughter and recently learned how much I hurt my son over the years. I never even realized but when my son would kiss me I would wipe my cheek or lips without even thinking about his feelings. Wet kisses can linger in a very unpleasant way for hours unless I rub the spot - and even then linger to a lesser degree. When he would hug me he would hug suddenly and without any warning. I hadn't realized but I would tense up and gentle push him back until he broke contact with me. Recently he asked me why I never wiped his sisters kisses off or pushed her hugs away. I had two reactions. The first I was incredibly crushed to learn how much I have been hurting my son. The second reaction? I was completely baffled. Surely, I didn't I allow her to kiss and hug me freely? After some thought - the answer is yes. I don't like hurting my son - while not even meaning to. So I began paying a lot of attention.
I noticed: I rarely hug my mother or sister and son without wishing I wasn't. I was ok with hugs from my brother and daughter. I was always ok hugging any of them if I initiated. Trouble was - I rarely initiated. I realized that the reason I was ok with my daughter and brother's hugs was because they had a way of giving "pre-notice" before hugging me. I always knew it was coming, even if they didn't ask for the hug. Same for my daughters kisses... I began to notice she pursed her lips very carefully before kissing me and it was always a dry firm kiss. My son kisses so soft and very wet.
I had a long talk with my son about the why's his kisses were wiped and since he has made sure to dry his lips and kiss me firmer. In turn, even when he tackles me unexpectedly, I don't push him back or wipe his kisses. I love him very much and I can endure unpleasant sensations for him - once I realized my actions were hurting him. I never once even realized I was doing what was hurting him until he asked me.
Sometimes we just don't see it. For me - when something is brought to my attention in a way I can grasp it... I will do my best to make it better.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
05 Mar 2013, 11:39 pm
I am also NT and have been with my AS boyfriend for 3 1/2 years. We also have a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Although he gave me the answers to what he needed I interperated them in a NT style not in AS fashion. He is not violent or critical of me but he stomps and bangs and swairs under his breath.. and long story having nothing to do with him.. it always freaked me out. When I finally realized he is AS I too had to learn a new language, but once I learned it I noticed HUGE changes for the better in our relationship. Hugs are ok for him but if he is getting ready to leave or has something on his mind I have to ask for a "real" hug to get a relationship type hug. However, he is similar to your BF just with sex. With most NT guys you can look at them sideways and they are good to go.. If I came out in something sexy the pressure would be too much to make things happen. The first part of your question was how to deal with the meltdowns. Find the triggers. Don't over think it. It is likely simple and easily fixable. My BF use to get annoyed after dinner. This went on for years and then randomly in a conversation about something else he mentioned that it drove him crazy for people to throw food away. I noticed that not only did he eat everything on his plate but if there was a sauce he ate all that too. So the next night I told him I had lunch late and not to put too much on my plate. (he cooks and plates dinner) I ate it all and there was no tension after dinner. I did this night after night.. using different excuses. One night I forgot and after dinner I had not finished. I asked him if he would mind if I took the rest for lunch tomorrow he said sure.. why did you ask me that? I told him that I knew it bothered him when I threw out food and I wanted him to know I didn't throw it out. Problem solved. Not just this but similar situations over and over. I have never said Oh.. because you are AS I need to do XYZ.. because honestly he does the same kinds of things for me. He works on an Indi film and they shoot at night. I am freakishly paranoid that something will happen to him. I am also not that "girl" who calls and texts every 20 minutes all night so I sit and worrry for hours. My only request is he text me when he is on his way home. I explained all of the reasons why and that this way I can go to sleep but if I wake up and think he should be home I don't have to worry. He forgets little things like that all the time but he has never once forgotten this. He knows it is important to me and so he does it. I find that the "safer" he feels just being himself in our invironment the less difficulty he has.. and, now that I understand what the stomping, banging and swairing means and he knows I try to help it doesn't bother me and I simply say.. Is there anything I can do to help out. 9 times out of 10 he tells me. If he says NO! I say ok.. let me know and go do something.
As for him not being able to hug you because you asked. A hug seems simple enough but now he is over thinking it.. I imagine it is much like hugging someone you really like for the first time when you are not 100% sure they like you as much. Plus, a hug may not mean the same thing to him. Imagine if your bf expected you to shake hands when you said hello and goodby and at random times during the day. You would be thinking... that is weird.. a hug may be the same to him. I do this in different areas.. First I explained to him why physical contact was important to me.. My bf hugs often and will cuddle.. I really need skin to skin contact.. i am not even talking about sex.. just his hand on my back but touching skin somehow is intimate to me and I crave that. So I explained it all to him and reasons why etc etc.. Then I said.. when I need this is it ok to let you know then I will just step back and wait for you to be ready to do it? At least this way I feel like I am letting you know what I am needing and then you don't have pressure to jump in unprepared. Don't expect things to happen in 20 minutes or even the same day.. just let it go as long as it needs to. There are some things he will do right then and other things he needs to warm up to. He knows now what you would like and if there is no pressure he will want to make you happy because you respected him. And don't feel the need to bring it up again as a reminder. He remembers. He never forgets anything! I don't know if it is an NT or a female trait but we seem to have this need to slip in hints and reminders which only makes it take longer because you have to start over.
I know you said you have been together 7 years and you would think he "knows" he is safe with you by now. As much as you may not have judged and you may have tried to be understanding have you tried to alter your ways to compliment his? That is when you will have the things that you want from him. A hug just because you asked for it.. him to tell you how to stop the meltdown. The adjustments are easy enough and honestly I have seen so many changes in him.. As if when he doesn't have to work to think through everything he does really well on instinct
I have to say when I read this.. all I could say to myself was... yes... oh wow... yes... She is so bang on in this - at least for me personally.
Me and my boyfriend have talked at length about how things need to be done (yes need, NOT want) or not done and what reactions he can expect if he "just does it" .. he has been so kind and considerate of my needs and for me, I want to be kind and considerate of his. That is way important to me. That doesn't mean that I won't have a meltdown and be inconsiderate in them. But I do my best to not melt down in front of him. I don't want him to see me that way. Not always avoidable, but when I do he is so good natured about it. He says now that he understand WHY I behave the way I do - he no longer wonders "wtf?"
I have a son and daughter and recently learned how much I hurt my son over the years. I never even realized but when my son would kiss me I would wipe my cheek or lips without even thinking about his feelings. Wet kisses can linger in a very unpleasant way for hours unless I rub the spot - and even then linger to a lesser degree. When he would hug me he would hug suddenly and without any warning. I hadn't realized but I would tense up and gentle push him back until he broke contact with me. Recently he asked me why I never wiped his sisters kisses off or pushed her hugs away. I had two reactions. The first I was incredibly crushed to learn how much I have been hurting my son. The second reaction? I was completely baffled. Surely, I didn't I allow her to kiss and hug me freely? After some thought - the answer is yes. I don't like hurting my son - while not even meaning to. So I began paying a lot of attention.
I noticed: I rarely hug my mother or sister and son without wishing I wasn't. I was ok with hugs from my brother and daughter. I was always ok hugging any of them if I initiated. Trouble was - I rarely initiated. I realized that the reason I was ok with my daughter and brother's hugs was because they had a way of giving "pre-notice" before hugging me. I always knew it was coming, even if they didn't ask for the hug. Same for my daughters kisses... I began to notice she pursed her lips very carefully before kissing me and it was always a dry firm kiss. My son kisses so soft and very wet.
I had a long talk with my son about the why's his kisses were wiped and since he has made sure to dry his lips and kiss me firmer. In turn, even when he tackles me unexpectedly, I don't push him back or wipe his kisses. I love him very much and I can endure unpleasant sensations for him - once I realized my actions were hurting him. I never once even realized I was doing what was hurting him until he asked me.
Sometimes we just don't see it. For me - when something is brought to my attention in a way I can grasp it... I will do my best to make it better.
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time.
Sorry to quote so much. I really just tried to quote what you said.. I am not the best at these little computer things. I totally understand about so many differences with the kids. Again my BF is AS and I am NT. He and I share a CLEARLY NT daughter (2 1/2) and I have a 14 year old AS son. Me.. being the NT.. when he hit puberty early and got all weird our physical relationship became strained.. I was sick and prego and in a new relationship all at the same time. I mean at 13 the kid grew a full beard sideburns and moustache.. it felt awkward.. plus the other...eh heemmmm stuff. Along comes the baby girl. At first she was not the affectionate sort. If you said give me a kiss she put her forehead at you lol. We all forced her into real kisses and as she got older she learned cheek and lip kisses. Then came teething... I noticed he would hardly kiss her.. then I noticed if I took a drink of something right in front of him and then kissed him he wiped his lips as if I slobbered all over him. He also hated having her eat with him. He will give me a bite of something but if he is going to finish something on my plate he uses his own fork and spoons it onto his plate. I have just taken to making a joke of it.. oh the teething slobber blobber got ya and make a big fuss of saying Oh baby girl wipe your slobbery face which makes her laugh and he kisses her cheek or head and she doesn't get he things the slobber is gross. I have had to force myself back into being snuggly with my son. His stuble and I am an adult but I am trying to keep him in teen Aspie check is a real challenge. Fortunately my mom and sister ride is butt so between us all he gets a lot of love understanding and firm discipline lol...
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