Has any Aspie moved past being hurt in a relationship

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Ok I think I need some help on this.

I am in a 3 year relationship. at the start of the relationship it was amazing, then I found that they guy I had asked to move straight in with me was chatting up an online ex on my computer. Anyway feelings got trampled on and I was hurt. Anyway that was within 3 months of the relationship. We worked through it because he said he was sorry and that it was a totally stupid thing to do and I knew he was being honest when he said that cos I felt that he really did love me.

Anyway to cut a long story short, ever since then, so two and a half years, our relationship has never quite been the same its had great times and we know and love each other but i guess partly cos of my AS I find it hard to let go and it shows through even when I am actually still in love with the guy.

Anyway he is far more of a feeling person than I an so now because he felt he has wronged me and is responsible for me doing being quite as over the top affectionate he is insecure and feels he has broken me and now has zero confidence.

This has been going on for ages now and it doesn't seem to be getting any better even though we love each other. Please help with advice because I don't know what to do. I find it hard to move past things when I have been hurt and I also find it so hard to deal with someone being emotional and insecure.

He's a great guy now and I feel I am hurting him.

P.S please no one put that i just need to get over it or leave him because If it was that easy I would of done one of them by now.

I don't quite understand your description of his behaviour

Can you describe how he acts towards you on a daily basis?

I went through something similar with an ex-boyfriend. He was my first serious relationship & he slept with a girl that he worked with at about the 3 month mark. He said nothing happened, so I believed him, then later on he admitted that he slept with her but said he thought about me the whole time. I was devastated, but we kept going and stayed together for three years because I suppose I thought that we loved each other and should keep trying. However, it was never the same as I couldn't trust him anymore. He wanted to talk it through and I just wanted to forget it, which didn't help. It took a lot of hard work and sharing to even get back to somewhere approaching what we'd had before. That's not to say that we didn't have good times, as we did, but one day when he was away I woke up and realised that I didn't miss him and that this wasn't the man I wanted to be with and we split up. He said that he'd been about to ask me to marry him. Maybe, maybe not. But maybe it wouldn't hurt to have some time apart so you can think about what you really want.

Remember that love is not about saying it, but proving it's true.

We all make mistakes. We are human, it's a fact.

It is whether you are willing to accept, forgive and move on. It sounds to me, that the trust you had, was broken, and it is unable to be mended.

Time apart, sounds like good advice.

Could you please elaborate on the situation?

I feel your wording was not done very well...

Sorry my english is terrible sometimes. What areas do people what be to describe.

I can say more about how he is on a daily basis. He's great, always looking to please me by showing me how much he has grown since we have been together. He can be a little paranoid that i'm cheating on him which I would never ever do, but I guess thats the guilt you get if you have done wrong by someone.

I don't think the expectation of having no pain in a relationship is a realistic one

If you love the person and want to stay with them you tend to forgive them and try and forget about
what they did

If you can't forgive and forget about what they did and feel it will always come between you then perhaps it's better to move on and find someone else

People forgive their partners all sorts of things - infidelity, crime, all sorts - only the person themself knows what they
are prepared to put up with though - another person can't tell them

You need to write down the pros and cons of staying in the relationship vs leaving it and finding someone else

You might not find anyone better as regards being a good match emotionally etc

The main person to talk about all this though would be your partner - a good relationship involves open and honest communication

I've had similar experiences, and in the end it always brought the relationship to an end (in my mind anyway - before it literally came to an end).
Without trust, love is hell. You're stuck holding onto nothing but a memory of what you used to have. I might be cynical from being burnt too many times, but there's one thing which I think is an objective fact: If two people don't trust each other, they can't "live happily ever after".

I don't know if it's an aspie trait, but I have an extremely hard time forgiving or forgetting the things people did to me; especially in the context of a relationship, it feels like it weighs on me every single day.