Should I leave my aspie boyfriend for a schizophrenic?

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Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:04 am

Hello, I am an NT, who has severe depression and early stages of schizophrenia (sz not diagnosed yet, but I guess not quite NT, eh? ^-^). I have been dating an aspie for almost 9 months now , and he's completely in love with me. He tells me that I am his world and am his only motivation to do well in college. He's the smartest person I have ever met (which I find extremely attractive), incredibly sweet, generous, loving, etc. I love and definitely care about him back, but recently... I've fallen for a schizo. This sz and I have connected and have more in common than anyone I have ever met. I have stopped him from committing suicide multiple times, and vice versa. He and I are more than best friends, and we both admitted feelings for each other. The problem is that I still am with my aspie boyfriend, whom I care about too, almost more than anything. He treats me better than anyone I have ever been with (I have had dealt with abuse in past relationships, physical and mental), my parents absolutely love him, his parents love me and will try to help me get out there into the costuming world (which is what I want to do), and he even comes up from UCSD to just visit me for the weekend. I love both my aspie and the sz.... what should I do? I have no one to turn to except you all... I really hope this didn't offend anyone, and if this did, I am extremely sorry. :(
Please give me helpful advice, not hate (I've dealt with that too much). :?
(On a side note, I have come out to both of them as bisexual, and their reactions were as follows:
Aspie BF: "...that's very interesting. I assumed so, since you dated my best girl friend Teddy last year. I'm fine with it, as long as you love me the most."
SZ: "That's really really hot. I support you all the way!")



Last edited by Ringofairy on 25 Mar 2013, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

muslimmetalhead
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25 Mar 2013, 11:15 am

When people talk about age differences w/Aspies it kind of pronounces the issue and makes me feel like $hit because the main issue i feel is underdevelopment


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Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:23 am

muslimmetalhead wrote:
When people talk about age differences w/Aspies it kind of pronounces the issue and makes me feel like $hit because the main issue i feel is underdevelopment

sorry.. I changed it.... I don't ever want to offend anyone.... never ever ever offend anyone.



mercifullyfree
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25 Mar 2013, 11:28 am

Do you have access to any mental health services where you live?



Valkyrie2012
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25 Mar 2013, 11:31 am

Personally - in my opinion, if your feelings are genuine for someone an interest in someone else wouldn't spring up. Committed is committed. If it is purely a physical attraction that springs up - because who can deny physical reaction? But you can resist them because of the love you have for your significant other.

The reactions to your bi-sexuality really doesn't mean much to me... where does that matter? Again.. it comes back to the commitment thing.. if you are committed to either of these men... where does interest in girls even come into play?

You say that you are still with your aspie boyfriend "and you care about him almost more than anything"... trouble there is... if you did care about him more than anything... you wouldn't have written this post and you would not be thinking of leaving him for another guy. The most important word in that statement was "almost"...

Also in my opinion - if you have been hanging out with the 15 year old and connecting with him, falling for him - even if you have had zero physical contact.. you are still cheating on your aspie. Developing feelings for someone else is still cheating... also in my opinion is more hurtful than any other type of cheating.

I would break it to your aspie gently and move on.. he deserves better than how you are treating him. He would never do this to you. Not in a million years.

I don't mean to sound harsh.. just being honest in how I feel about your situation.

Good luck in what ever you decide.



Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:40 am

Valkyrie2012 wrote:
Personally - in my opinion, if your feelings are genuine for someone an interest in someone else wouldn't spring up. Committed is committed. If it is purely a physical attraction that springs up - because who can deny physical reaction? But you can resist them because of the love you have for your significant other.

The reactions to your bi-sexuality really doesn't mean much to me... where does that matter? Again.. it comes back to the commitment thing.. if you are committed to either of these men... where does interest in girls even come into play?

You say that you are still with your aspie boyfriend "and you care about him almost more than anything"... trouble there is... if you did care about him more than anything... you wouldn't have written this post and you would not be thinking of leaving him for another guy. The most important word in that statement was "almost"...

Also in my opinion - if you have been hanging out with the 15 year old and connecting with him, falling for him - even if you have had zero physical contact.. you are still cheating on your aspie. Developing feelings for someone else is still cheating... also in my opinion is more hurtful than any other type of cheating.

I would break it to your aspie gently and move on.. he deserves better than how you are treating him. He would never do this to you. Not in a million years.

I don't mean to sound harsh.. just being honest in how I feel about your situation.

Good luck in what ever you decide.

Thank you for your advice. Though harsh, maybe not quite knowing what is going on, this was helpful information.
Many thanks to you. I do not want to cheat- I've been cheated on before. Thanks.



Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:41 am

mercifullyfree wrote:
Do you have access to any mental health services where you live?

I'm currently in therapy, but if my depression gets any worse, I'm off to the mental hospital



Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:45 am

Just a quick add-on, I have not physically done anything with the schizo. Nothing of the sorts, just kind of started to hold feelings for each other and admitted them.



IlovemyAspie
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25 Mar 2013, 11:49 am

Ringofairy wrote:
Just a quick add-on, I have not physically done anything with the schizo. Nothing of the sorts, just kind of started to hold feelings for each other and admitted them.



Which is a form of cheating.....I think that was the point being made.



Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:53 am

IlovemyAspie wrote:
Ringofairy wrote:
Just a quick add-on, I have not physically done anything with the schizo. Nothing of the sorts, just kind of started to hold feelings for each other and admitted them.



Which is a form of cheating.....I think that was the point being made.

okay. Thank you ^-^



Ringofairy
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25 Mar 2013, 11:55 am

I'm just going to cut off the schizo and just focus on my aspie. <3 Thanks for all of your help!! !



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25 Mar 2013, 1:37 pm

It seems that you've already figured out what to do (51 minutes after first posting about it), but for the sake of completeness I'll mention that some people have "open relationships", ie. multiple partners. If you love them both you don't necessarily have to choose between them. Far be it from me to give relationship advice - I'm only pointing it out as an option. I've known a couple like that. Well, not a "couple", but a... "triple"? One guy with two GFs who knew about each other and were OK with it.



mds_02
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25 Mar 2013, 2:35 pm

^It works for some but should really be brought up at the beginning. For most couples I suspect that even mentioning the desire for it would severely damage, or end, the relationship.



uwmonkdm
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25 Mar 2013, 2:53 pm

Dating + Mental health on the verge of Suicide = Bad idea.



tangomike
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25 Mar 2013, 7:32 pm

it's not fair to your boyfriend at all and he prob shouldnt be with you. He needs someone who has more commitment - you are seeking understanding thru the schizo. You arn't meant to be together . You need to end this quietly a Do not expect him to want to remain friends- if he does, Great!



turtleprince
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25 Mar 2013, 8:03 pm

FMX wrote:
It seems that you've already figured out what to do (51 minutes after first posting about it), but for the sake of completeness I'll mention that some people have "open relationships", ie. multiple partners. If you love them both you don't necessarily have to choose between them. Far be it from me to give relationship advice - I'm only pointing it out as an option. I've known a couple like that. Well, not a "couple", but a... "triple"? One guy with two GFs who knew about each other and were OK with it.


@FMX Just so you know your lingo. Open relationships includes three subsections: Polyamory, Swingers, and hybrids. Polyamory refers to multiple romantic relationships, Swingers refers to people who have sex outside their romantic relationship without love, and hybrid would be a mix. Most people associate open relationships with swingers and you were pretty clearly describing Polyamorous folk so I wanted to clarify.

It's true that Polyamorous relationships are complicated. But the thing is in all of creation there are people who can love multiple people and people who cannot. Who's to judge that one person's ability is better than another. I personally am Monogamous but I am willing to date someone who is Polyamorous. The person who is poly is the one who has to deal with the complexity of loving two people and learning how to deal with their s**t. I specify so you know that it's okay for people to be different from your particular possible orientation and understanding at the same time.

Remember. It is culture that has taught you that it is wrong to be Polyamorous not direct experience. The wrongness is the lying/cheating about it and in an Polyamorous relationship there is no lying or cheating.

Either way, good luck on your personal search and with this issue. I do not envy you.