Is it too late, should I tell?

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Taybot97
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04 Apr 2013, 11:57 pm

I'm thinking about just coming clean to my crush. I've thought about telling her for a while and don't know when or how. Then I thought a little more and thought if she really likes me then does it really matter when and where and how. Even with that realization I've still been stalling out of fear, but I think I may be running out of time. About a week ago she mentioned to me she got asked to prom (it wasn't a random thing, I asked about the flowers she had in her hands at the time). I want to do something soon before anything gets too serious with someone else. Asking someone to prom is an event but it doesn't mean anything certain, but if I wait until prom comes closer or even passes then ill very likely be too late to try something. However I also have a fear on the other end of the spectrum, she is my friend and I like her being my friend. I don't want to ruin the friendship by scaring her off with something like this.

I know that may have read scattered and uncollected but that's how my mind works. Mainly I'm worried it may soon to be late for me to be anything more than friends with my crush. She got asked to prom but nothing is serious or set in stone yet. Although on the other hand I'm worried about rejection, but the implications that could bring more so. If she doesn't like me, I'll live and the pain will wear off eventually. But if it freaks her out and we can no longer be friends then that will be much more devastating and long lasting. In simple would it be a good idea or bad idea to pull her aside and just be honest.

And as always thanks for your time and help.



goldfish21
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05 Apr 2013, 12:46 am

I've done this twice in my life. It didn't turn into a relationship either time, but I still have both close friends in my life. I laid it out there and was honest, and made sure to include that I value their friendship far more than my crush on them could ever be, and because of that I want to be equal or better friends w/ them - not less if they're not interested in me as anything more than a friend. Sure there was a bit of a rough time dealing w/ the relationship rejection part, but I've only ever become better friends with each of them - so its still been a win for me, just not as big of win as it cooooulda been.. And so, IMO, its worth finding out as you either get to keep a great friend and build on that friendship, or start a dating relationship. I see no need for either party to not want to be friends - good close friends should be able to be open and transparent about anything & everything with each other, this stuff included, as you're both as good of friends to one another neither of you will want to say or do anything hurtful to the other, and neither of you will want to stop being friends.


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IlovemyAspie
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05 Apr 2013, 1:36 am

I had the same experience as goldfish and agree with his sentiments.



BlueMax
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05 Apr 2013, 1:39 am

If she's not interested and just wants to remain friends, just be sure that's okay... no using that friendship to "wear her down". ;)
(This is the very heart of why "nice guys" are considered a bad thing... worse than outright jerks!)

I agree with the others... make your romantic intentions known... in a light/casual way, as opposed to unbearably intense/heavy (and staring without blinking!) 8O

Good luck!



CrinklyCrustacean
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05 Apr 2013, 5:51 am

Go for it, and ask her out. :D

Let us know how you get on!



Harry8142
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appletheclown
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06 Apr 2013, 10:29 am

BlueMax wrote:
If she's not interested and just wants to remain friends, just be sure that's okay... no using that friendship to "wear her down". ;)
(This is the very heart of why "nice guys" are considered a bad thing... worse than outright jerks!)

I agree with the others... make your romantic intentions known... in a light/casual way, as opposed to unbearably intense/heavy (and staring without blinking!) 8O

Good luck!


I highly disagree with the nice guys are worse than outright jerks comment. If that is the attitude women have, than why do they complain about outright jerks and never about nice guys? Are you really that shallow? Chivalry isn't dead, don't listen to him. Women want to be treated by a Gentleman, rather than being pushed around. The one thing they don't want is a guy who lets his crush become a friendship breaker and confidence killer.



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06 Apr 2013, 2:35 pm

Do it now, than to think what could have happened later as you get older. You will survive another day.



CrinklyCrustacean
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06 Apr 2013, 11:46 pm

Stalk wrote:
Do it now, than to think what could have happened later as you get older. You will survive another day.

Exactly, it's not too late. Summon up the courage and DO IT!! ! :D



aspiemike
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08 Apr 2013, 3:49 pm

One thing I am starting to learn because it is a very mature and respectful thing to do is this:
Let her know your intentions right at the beginning. Let them know you like them right away and that you wish to take her out. The revealing of such feelings that come later on when she likely has put you in her "just friends" list will be very offputting and will likely have her distancing herself from you until you can accept the fact that you won't be anything more.



CrinklyCrustacean
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09 Apr 2013, 7:07 am

aspiemike wrote:
One thing I am starting to learn because it is a very mature and respectful thing to do is this:
Let her know your intentions right at the beginning. Let them know you like them right away and that you wish to take her out. The revealing of such feelings that come later on when she likely has put you in her "just friends" list will be very offputting and will likely have her distancing herself from you until you can accept the fact that you won't be anything more.

What if he didn't like her until "later on"? You're assuming he liked her the moment he met her, which might not have be the case.



Taybot97
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09 Apr 2013, 10:54 am

CrinklyCrustacean wrote:
aspiemike wrote:
One thing I am starting to learn because it is a very mature and respectful thing to do is this:
Let her know your intentions right at the beginning. Let them know you like them right away and that you wish to take her out. The revealing of such feelings that come later on when she likely has put you in her "just friends" list will be very offputting and will likely have her distancing herself from you until you can accept the fact that you won't be anything more.

What if he didn't like her until "later on"? You're assuming he liked her the moment he met her, which might not have be the case.


You can remove that 'what if' because that is the case. When I met her she was pretty but basing a relationship of look alone probably isn't a good idea. It's when I got the chance to know her better I realized how great she is. I met he the beginning of this school year and it wasn't until the beginning of this semister that I realized how much I like her.



CrinklyCrustacean
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10 Apr 2013, 12:45 am

Then you should definitely ask her out now, since she's had some time to know you too. Don't delay and find yourself wondering what would have happened if you'd spoken up sooner.