Getting over someone you can never be with

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If you cant imagine not having them in your lie..keep them as a friend..then go dote on someone else..I suggest a little time to process your thoughts away from that person, then reintroduced yourself. If shes a friend she'll stay

Thank you for all the stories and suggestions, I like the idea of taking up weightlifting to help take my mind off her let out any frustration and at the same time gaining lots of muscle

I may do as you suggested goldfish21 i would say we should be able to have a good conversaion about it, i would probably end up crying like while talking about it but thats not a big deal, we have never really had one big conversation about it just smaller conversations.

I think if i ever did cut contact off with her she would understand and hopefully we could be close friends again after i have calmed down. It worries me to think that maybe the feelings would come back and i would be at square one.

Might have to just try and manage for as long as i can, lots of messages about finding someone else you truely like, i hope that can happen and i can find somone as special who can return my feelings

Only time and distance healed mine, although we were more than friends (but he was leading me on and using me). I ended up getting in an argument with him and he cut off contact for good. It hurt a lot at first but I got over him and found someone way better.

I am in a similar situation. My ex (who is also an aspie) could never get comfortable with being in a gay relationship so we separated but remained close friends. It has a lot to do with our culture and he really tried for a couple of years. Anyway, we supported each other through many hard times and now he's going back home to Japan. I'll probably never see him again, even when I go visit the country. It would be too awkward.

I've been in several relationships which I thought were wonderful, but after being with him and experiencing the kind of bond we have, I realized he was the only person I've ever truly connected with down to the core of my being and we had such a respectful love for each other. I don't hate him for not being comfortable as a gay couple - he had never been with another guy before and he thought it would work with me because I'm so feminine. I'm just grateful for the times we had together and he gave me some of the best memories of my life. I learned a lot about myself through him and he filled a cultural emptiness in me that I've had since I lost my mother.

I don't know how I'll ever get over him. I think of him always and hope that I can have a deep bond like that with someone else. It's been two years since we broke up and I am still in love with him. I honestly don't think I'll be able to forget him until I find someone new and the reason is that when we really like someone, part of us believes that that person is the ONLY one... if we lose them, we'll never have "that" again. That's not true. Maybe true love is rare, but I believe I can find it again. I think until then, I'll just have to deal with this awful feeling of missing him. I've come close to having flings in order to try and forget him, but I never did because I know in the end I would only feel worse and it would be disrespectful to my body and the kind of person I am. I don't want to be that type of person. I don't need to "run away" from these feelings. If I just face them, I'll keep learning more and more.

Bittersweet to say the least.

*sigh*

Kouzoku -

I'm s straight man in a similar situation just now. The one I love is married, and is trying for children with her husband, though she admits she doesn't love him.

It breaks my heart, but I can't let her go.

Hang strong. No one ever said it would be easy.

I don't believe you can really get over anyone you truly care about.

There is only one person I've ever "made sense" to and vice versa. She is happily married with a child. We've been talking a lot lately after a long gap and it's like putting on an old pair of shoes. We find ourselves paying each other the compliments we never would anyone else. It's as happy as it is distressing. But once you learn to live with that fact, it's really not that bad.

Ultimately all you can do is remain civil and maintain whatever relationship you can with that person without losing him/her altogether (in addition to the distractions that others have been recommending).

Sadly I can relate, you see there's this girl whom I have had a crush on since 7th grade and now I'm a junior and still don't have the balls to even say hi to her. But somethings are just not to be and you need find a way to move on.

Problem kinda solved itself through some kind of faulty communication. I wanted to meet her last saturday when she said she'd be in $town anyways and I expected her announcement to be certain; well, it wasn't and she hadn't even been sure wether she'd go there in the first place. So I kept waiting for the train home in the cold some four hours and even though I'm laughing now I was somewhat hurt then. But nevermind, now I'm happy I'm over her and at least stopped creeping her out like some depraved stalker in a Seth McFarlane Cartoon. And if that isn't a reason to be happy what is then?

Still I think I should see her again soon...

A couple of things that help me.... sometimes....

- Finding someone else. As an aspie my unmet needs for connection with someone can get me into an infinite loop of desire with an object of affection/obsession. Sometimes just being open to finding another person gives that presently-unknown other enough room to enter my experience.

- Understanding more about where my obsession may be coming from. There is a school of thought call Imago Theory that helped me understand why certain people trigger within me an obsessive interest in them.

Best wishes - I know how difficult such situations can be.

The last scenario I was in, the girl I went for.. I dumped someone else for her. And she still had a boyfriend and I was arrogant enough to believe that she would leave her boyfriend. A month of hell ensued and we slept together a couple times while she still had a boyfriend. Eventually, I found out that she wanted to leave her boyfriend because she felt alone in her relationship. I simply had strong enough feelings to care about her and did check up on her to see if she was ok after the break up. We bumped into eachother once and that was pretty much it so far. The other guy I thought she liked turned out to be nothing more than a best friend she talked to to cheer her up. she straight up said she was not attracted to him because he jokes too much. He said to me he wasn't attracted to her because he was too wild for her and couldn't get over his ex either. I talk to her on occasion and that is it. She has a 35 year old hitting on her through facebook and she is about to turn 22 and she isn't even attracted to him. I know she cares about me because she doesn't want to use me to get over her bf. I am exploring another option right now because I know this girl is definitely not ready for someone like me and I don't have enough patience to find out if she ever will be. Why should I wait anyway, when I know previous experience shows this to be a stupid thing to do?
The new girl seems extremely intelligent and is a couple years older than I am. Not sure what to think about her so far.

I always find myself falling in love with people who are either a lesbian, already in a relationship or the social dynamics are such that the probabilities are next to non she would date me anyway. i still think about this woman a few times but thankfully I haven' seen her around for awhile, out of sight out of mind. When i do see her i really feel the clouds lifting me out of my shoes,a zero G feelings. and my heart grows wings. For some reason i want to be with people when somewhere in my subconscious i know could never be with. i think also it is because it is precisely for that reason I want to be with them. i want what I know i can't have. I haven't gotten over her but i don't lose sleep or fantasize about talking to her over a cup of coffee as much as i used to. i am resigned to the fact because I am autistic i probably won't be with her or with anyone else i would want to be with.
But One thing i have vowed never to indulge in a relationship for the sake of curing loneliness or just because it is the "thing to do" That more than anything would make me more miserable than being alone.

To the OP: you don't have to cut off all contact with her, just...don't hang out with her as much. Take up some hobbies. Go out socialising with your buddies. Heck, volunteer for something if you're not the communicative type.

The thing you have to remember is that your feelings for this person will never go away completely. That, and that there are plenty more fish in the sea, so to speak. It's a cliche, but it's true. Forget about this chick and move on. It'll be hard at first, but you'll feel much better in the long run.

Also, if you've liked her for three years, why didn't you ask her out at some point? You'd have confirmed that she wasn't into you much earlier and could have moved on by now. If you're interested in someone, ask them out! Get it out in the open, and if it ends the friendship, so be it. Trust me, it's not worth it. You'll only hold yourself back.

Most importantly of all, do something you love. It could be a job, a hobby, a college degree, whatever. Find people who love to do what you love to do too, and forget about women who aren't into you. Live's too short to settle for anything less.

Wow, I feel like I'm reading my own post. I pretty much have gone through the same identical thing. There's a woman I've been crazy about for five years yet we can never be together. She's was one of my best friends. Yet she's a few years older than me which seems to be a problem for her. She has a live in boyfriend and what is upsetting me is that she truly is not that happy with him. Her life still sucks with him in it. She works at a toxic, low paying company and can't afford to live by herself. He does jack s**t to help her get out of it and help her find her way to happiness. He did take her in so she tried to make best of the situation. Yet she told me a week ago, she had to accept being miserable and that her ambitions and dreams have died which really crushed my heart. For someone like me who's in a good financial situation, I almost wish I could swoop in and be the hero but that's me living in a fantasy world. Any how, the only way you are going to be able to get over this person is to truly let them out of your life. If they will never like you back the same way you like them, than it's hopeless, especially if they are in a serious live-in relationship like it was for my case. You don't want to continuously see this woman always date other men, be miserable and still never date you. It is insulting and you should not go through something like that.