Any other guys "dropping out" of dating completely
Maybe because truly the only way for it to get better is to practice. If you swear it off, you will tend to lose skill and good intuition over time. Best to just be persistent about getting yourself into low-pressure situations, or at least keep socializing with girls if you can, even if you're not trying to date any. Which isn't to say that it's not important to work on the big issues; just that you want to be doing all of this together at the same time.
I've dated plenty of women.
The problem is that I'm crazy and hurt them. The evil tendencies actually get worse the more I practice, and they are hard to control.
But just being friends with more women sounds like a good idea.
How do you hurt them?
Tyri0n
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Location: Douchebag Capital of the World (aka Washington D.C.)
Maybe because truly the only way for it to get better is to practice. If you swear it off, you will tend to lose skill and good intuition over time. Best to just be persistent about getting yourself into low-pressure situations, or at least keep socializing with girls if you can, even if you're not trying to date any. Which isn't to say that it's not important to work on the big issues; just that you want to be doing all of this together at the same time.
I've dated plenty of women.
The problem is that I'm crazy and hurt them. The evil tendencies actually get worse the more I practice, and they are hard to control.
But just being friends with more women sounds like a good idea.
How do you hurt them?
I likely have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (am going to try to get it confirmed on Wednesday) with some borderline traits, so I use women I'm dating as a narcissistic supply to raise my low self-esteem. I also lack the capacity to have relationships that are not fundamentally exploitative (usually, as a so-called aspie, that means raising my social value and giving me more access to opportunities to improve my social skills).
I think a lot of people, including me in the past, blamed dating troubles on Asperger's. But this is just a convenient crutch. Sometimes, it seems to be due to errors in thinking over which one has much more control.
I likely have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (am going to try to get it confirmed on Wednesday) with some borderline traits, so I use women I'm dating as a narcissistic supply to raise my low self-esteem. I also lack the capacity to have relationships that are not fundamentally exploitative (usually, as a so-called aspie, that means raising my social value and giving me more access to opportunities to improve my social skills).
I think a lot of people, including me in the past, blamed dating troubles on Asperger's. But this is just a convenient crutch. Sometimes, it seems to be due to errors in thinking over which one has much more control.
my dating trouble is that the women who matches my personality are always in a relationship.
women who have a common interest like I do (running, intro retro games, useless facts) are either married or dating.
I've met some very nice autism women who were cool, but nope they have a boyfriend.
I've met some geeky girls who were into retro games, nope married.
I join hobby clubs, and the women are either too young (teenager), too old, or in a relationship.
MXH
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Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
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Location: Here i stand and face the rain
Maybe because truly the only way for it to get better is to practice. If you swear it off, you will tend to lose skill and good intuition over time. Best to just be persistent about getting yourself into low-pressure situations, or at least keep socializing with girls if you can, even if you're not trying to date any. Which isn't to say that it's not important to work on the big issues; just that you want to be doing all of this together at the same time.
I've dated plenty of women.
The problem is that I'm crazy and hurt them. The evil tendencies actually get worse the more I practice, and they are hard to control.
But just being friends with more women sounds like a good idea.
How do you hurt them?
I likely have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (am going to try to get it confirmed on Wednesday) with some borderline traits, so I use women I'm dating as a narcissistic supply to raise my low self-esteem. I also lack the capacity to have relationships that are not fundamentally exploitative (usually, as a so-called aspie, that means raising my social value and giving me more access to opportunities to improve my social skills).
I think a lot of people, including me in the past, blamed dating troubles on Asperger's. But this is just a convenient crutch. Sometimes, it seems to be due to errors in thinking over which one has much more control.
If only more around here would finally get that through their heads
I turn 29 next month. I quit dating after a series of horrible dates over the past month.
I am just a terrible read on cues. I find out well after the fact that the girl was actually very much into me, but I was totally clueless.
I need a lot of alone time, so I suppose: WISH GRANTED!
Also, I'd like to offer the following:
If you don't like going to the gym, then don't because you are being dishonest with yourself and with someone you date. Because, you will just stop going to the gym and fall into your old habits. And then, she will leave.
If you don't like to go to parties, then don't. You will meet someone who likes to party, and when you stop partying, she will leave.
Don't change who you are because you will attract people that you aren't compatible with.
BE YOURSELF, FIRST AND ALWAYS!
Well said!
I'm not "dropping out" exactly, but I'm not actively looking for a date either. It seems to be tough to meet someone who really gets me and doesn't seem to want to run away from the scary Aspie. I just want to meet someone I get on really well with, and feel that special something for, and who understands why I am the way I am. That's it.
I've had relationships in the past, so I know it's not impossible, but I'm also a lot more cautious now, which means I tend to panic and freak out as soon as flirting occurs. My mind comes up with all these terrifying scenarios that could possibly happen.
OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
...with a little attitude.
I seriously think you should go out but decide beforehand that you are not looking for a relationship, only casual dating. That way a lot of the pressure is off and your only goal is to go out and have a good time. Play the field, have fun, sew some wild oats (and hay and barley and hops, etc). I think you have a better chance of getting over her sooner if you start dating. You won't be looking to replace her or to find somebody to help you get over her, just somebody to go out and have a good time with.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
The "going out" part IS fun, but I'm just not ready for nookie... I tried 2-3 times with different people and it just wasn't happening. I'll know when the time and person is right.
MR_BOGAN
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Joined: 5 Mar 2008
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,479
Location: The great trailer park in the sky!
Any advice ladies and gentlemen?
this is me btw if you want to evaluate my looks: http://oi45.tinypic.com/332v4lt.jpg
Well to me you have a very masculine face and you look masculine looking. Like you say you work out, so you must be masculine looking. I'd say you are good looking, but I'm not gay so don't know. lol
My advice is to drop out of dating, but keep trying and keep going through the process on the chance you may find someone. If you get what I mean.
Innerpeace
Blue Jay
Joined: 9 May 2012
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 86
Location: North of the river, London.
I'm just having an awful time meeting single women. I tried online dating, I got 3 responses in 2 years out of hundreds of e-mails sent. This is to average girls, not stunners I've been browsing askwomen and I've gotten really depressed from what I read. They said a man isn't supposed to approach a woman anymore ever and it's basically harassment. Not work, not a bar, not the gym, not in a coffee shop, not on public transportation, not in public, not in school. I feel so ashamed of trying now. I didn't know this was how women felt. They said the only acceptable place is hobby clubs. The two hobby clubs I've been in the past few years was an indoor soccer class which was 100% men and an cycling club which had exactly 3 women, all of whom were taken. So I don't really have an outlet for meeting women. Yes I will start college soon but I know most women will be 16-22 years of age and I'll be 'too old' for them or the 'creepy old guy'. I have tried talking to waitresses serving coffee in the local coffee shops but I get the same old not interested or they are already taken.
I read, I go to the gym, I'm up-to-date on films, I go cycling, I go exploring and love flea markets. I've bettered myself as much as I can I believe including a whole new wardrobe (still working at lowering my bodyfat to sub 18%), but I feel maybe I'm just not good enough looking for the women out there. I almost feel like I need to be an exceptional superman to find an average woman. I don't mind rejection, I've been rejected in the past in college by nerdy girls, religious girls, black girls, flat girls, homely girls, asian girls, blondes etc. My standards aren't crazy high. I just never approach fat chicks as I have no ability for sexual arousal with fat women. Please don't say 'lower your standards and give the fat girls a chance' because its just not possible for me.
I don't mind being alone so much, I've adopted to the hermit life, but part of me wants children pretty badly someday, but I don't know if it's even worth the effort anymore. I feel there's something missing and it is raising a family and having a significant other. I get very lonely.
I was thinking of maybe relocating abroad were the women seem less hung up on height, hunky bodies and masculine faces, because that's all you need it seems for English women to love you these days. I would absolutely consider a mail-order bride if nothing has changed afterwords.
Any advice ladies and gentlemen?
this is me btw if you want to evaluate my looks: http://oi45.tinypic.com/332v4lt.jpg
Hello.
I am in my mid 30s too and have been on the dating game a while.
I have suffered through resisting the situation in front of me. A spiritual teacher helped me recently though. He said:
'you can be be at peace with yourself and still feel the need for another'. This helped me to realise that you can feel the wanting of a partner but you don't need to let it take you down and get depressed about it. When you have made peace with your self then it no longer matters so much about finding a partnet. In that space the chance of finding a partner increases anyway because your energy will be higher, your spirits higher and more positive. You will probably see a positive course of action more easily that might lead you into contact with women.
Suffering comes because we resist the situation. If we can accept it as it is then there is no more suffering. It doesn't mean that we give up trying to change it, its just that we are not fighting it anymore. The only way to do this is by observing the narrative of the ego and disidentifying from it. Eckhart Tolle writes alot about this in his book: The Power of Now which I thoroughly recommend.
I emphasise with you because I feel your pain. But I can tell you that when I stop resisting what is, things flow and I let go. Nothing really matters in that space. I also recognise that no-one can complete you. After the honeymoon period all the drama of attachment relationships begin.
Maybe because truly the only way for it to get better is to practice. If you swear it off, you will tend to lose skill and good intuition over time. Best to just be persistent about getting yourself into low-pressure situations, or at least keep socializing with girls if you can, even if you're not trying to date any. Which isn't to say that it's not important to work on the big issues; just that you want to be doing all of this together at the same time.
I've dated plenty of women.
The problem is that I'm crazy and hurt them. The evil tendencies actually get worse the more I practice, and they are hard to control.
But just being friends with more women sounds like a good idea.
How do you hurt them?
I likely have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (am going to try to get it confirmed on Wednesday) with some borderline traits, so I use women I'm dating as a narcissistic supply to raise my low self-esteem. I also lack the capacity to have relationships that are not fundamentally exploitative (usually, as a so-called aspie, that means raising my social value and giving me more access to opportunities to improve my social skills).
I think a lot of people, including me in the past, blamed dating troubles on Asperger's. But this is just a convenient crutch. Sometimes, it seems to be due to errors in thinking over which one has much more control.
How will getting an official NPD diagnosis help you? Modern psychiatry, only gives an inaccurate title to an underlying problem. I've been misdiagnosed 4 times, since I was 13. Being narcissistic, is realated to Asperger's, because you are more intellectual than the general population. Aspies also have this thing, which they think they have personality disorders, but really it's just AS. You just have to understand how women think, which should be easy for you, and don't sound condescending when you talk to them.
DialAForAwesome
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Joined: 4 Oct 2011
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,189
Location: That place with the thing
I believe that's the correct response.
I dunno, I've not so much dropped out as not ever really tried.
Yeah, that is how it usually goes.
_________________
I don't trust anyone because I'm cynical.
I'm cynical because I don't trust anyone.
DialAForAwesome
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Location: That place with the thing
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