How about this for dating profile?

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I posted this on facebook a while back and I got some laughs, but no responses. I wonder what you guys think:

Every girl I meet seems to assume that I'm already attracted to her. So she makes me put out what I would consider to be an extraordinary effort just to get her to tell me enough about herself for me to decide if I like her or not. Often I don't. I'm tired of having to go through this s**t every time. I don't want to have to work hard to figure out if I think it's worth working hard for somebody. That's too much work. I think women should have to try to seduce me instead. And I know women aren't any good at doing this, so I'm going to tell you how. I'm going to spare you the details about why I think these steps are necessary, but I assure you, they are.
 
Check to see if you meet these requirements:
1.  Are you a female between the ages of 18-25?
2.  Are you smart enough?  If you google "red hat white hat riddle," and you can solve the riddle without any help (it's okay if it takes a few minutes), then I think you are smart enough.  It would also help if you knew calculus.  I don't think any person can be fully developed without calculus.
3.  Are you prettier than at least 1/3 of the girls your age?  To figure this out, think of at least 10 female peers who you think represent the general population fairly well.  If you can honestly identify at least 3 that are uglier than you, then you are probably pretty enough for me.
4.  Do you have some sort of interest or hobby that you work hard at?  This is a must, or I will think that you are boring.
 
Once you have checked those things, you must complete these steps:
1.  Let me know that you are interested.
2.  Share one of your interests with me.  I will gladly participate in any physical activity apart from dancing, and I can talk about philosophy or religion or politics or whatever, and it would make me ecstatic if you were a nerdy math/physics girl and you could talk nerdy to me.  I've always wanted a girl to talk nerdy to me.
3.  Let me know what you expect out of the relationship so that I can do it.
4.  Sharing physical intimacy with me will probably go a long way.
5.  Go back to step 2.
 
If you can complete all of these steps, then you will have successfully seduced me.  You must remember to do step 5 if you want me to continue to be seduced.

most girls prefer someone who will dance. why is that off limits?

This one is much less delusional than the last one you said you were going to post. Is this the one you've actually posted on Facebook? And you didn't get a response? At least you've tried.
But why are you asking for opinion on here again if it didn't work?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt218491.html

I don't want to dance because I'm bad at it and I don't think I will ever be good. I have to think hard just about doing facial expressions, so I don't think it will be a good idea for me to try to fake whatever it is you have to do to dance.

I only have about 30 friends on facebook. I unfriend people when I don't think I will ever see them again, or if I think their posts are boring. So I'm not really surprised that my grandparents and cousins are not interested in taking me up on the offer. I can only think of 3 girls on my friends list who might be interested; one of them already likes me but lives on a different continent, one of them likes me only as a friend, and the other one lives in California, and doesn't understand my sense of humor. There is another one I just thought of who lives in Alabama that I've not spoken to for a couple years, and who never liked me romantically either.

Well, I think it sounds a bit robotic, like an ad. I also think it's best to not mention looks at all. I mean, if you meet up you can tell if she is attractive for you or not. This way it prevents you from looking too conceited or desperate, however a girl intereprets it. I think a breif and general paragraph of what you look for is better, not emphasizing your needs or rules you lay out, but more describing of yourself and how you're a great guy.

_________________
Neurotypical. I'm very friendly; feel free to message me.

you might as well put it on your profile

maybe someone with some humour might contact you.

I'm wondering if I put this on my profile and it doesn't work, if I will have permanently made a bad impression on all the girls? I would like to be able to change it if it doesn't work. Probably no one will even look at it anyway, because lots of girls just make profile and then wait for people to message them.

My first reaction was that I'd feel incredibly turned off reading this. Implicit (and sometimes, explicit) in all your criteria are these negative judgements that you're making about people, and many women who read your profile will sense those judgements and feel like they couldn't measure up to your expectations. For example, the "smart enough" implies that women in the past have been judged by you as being unintelligent. People who try the riddle and find that they can't figure it out right away (like me, for instance) may feel bad because they feel like you're judging them. Even those who can figure it out might start to have questions - like, the measure of a woman's intelligence is whether she can solve a riddle and perform calculus? That's shutting you off to a wide variety of women who, while perhaps unable or unwilling to solve the riddle, possess intelligence in a number of other fields and can maybe teach you something. A better way of going about this is to present the riddle thing as an attractive quality - an "I'd like this" rather than a must.
Another example is at the beginning of your post - talking about how every girl seems to assume that you're attracted to them, and that women aren't any good at seducing men. Those are remarkable generalizations to make - I'm sure not every woman thinks that you're attracted to her, and making blanket claims about an entire population says more about the ways that you perceive women than it does about the inherent nature of womankind. By starting off your post with these claims, you're establishing the grounds as negative, and many potential dates will respond in kind by viewing your post negatively.

About the prettiness - a lot of women have low self-esteem, and will feel bad upon reading the "prettier than most girls" thing. Plus, again, it's back to you. Are you more attractive than 1/3 of the guys your age? Some will be wondering that. I'd cut that bit out, as beauty is an incredibly loaded thing for women in most cultures and bringing it up might incite some pretty nasty feelings. You'll be able to see a picture of those who respond to you, anyway, so you can evaluate them then.

It's interesting that you mention having a hobby or something to be passionate about - I'm wondering the same for you. This post reveals nothing about yourself, apart from the little bits of judgement that bleed through from your expectations and that spiel at the beginning about what women do. If this is in addition to your main profile (that DOES actually talk about yourself), it's not as bad, I suppose.

But overall: I think you come across as needlessly callous in this post, which could be resolved if you reveal some of your own humanity. As it is, you're setting up some expectations and an unfinished, pompous, negative picture of yourself that could put people off. If, for example, you revealed you had Asperger's and you were less able to understand social cues, that'd be a good start, since it would provide a reason for your "do this for me" attitude. But I think that these criteria, if listed, would be best suited to a "you get points if" rather than musts.

I have difficulty trying to date in the normal way, because often I don't even get erections around physically attractive women I don't like. I don't get pleasure by learning about the emotional significance of what somebody said, like most people seem to. Instead, if I get anything out of a conversation at all, it seems to come from learning how things work. I am really more likely to get boners by reading math articles on wikipedia than by watching porn.

I thought about everything I put on the list very carefully. For instance, I thought that since I am so strange, that everyone's empathy about me will be wrong, so they would have no way of having a relationship with me unless they were able to use some intellectual theory of mind. That hat riddle requires that the person in front think about what the person in the middle thinks about the guy in back. So I figured if somebody could solve that riddle, then they would be able to understand (or at least accept) things I told them about my emotional state. NT women assuming that their intuition or empathy applies to me would f**k everything up.

The age, gender, and beauty requirements are a part of what I am attracted to, and I don't think I need justification for them.

I had the requirement for needing some sort of personal hobby so that I would have something to talk about with them. Most often the type of conversation I have is when I ask a person in a technical field, or something like that, about their career. They think that I'm interested in them as a person, and I get pleasure out of learning about how their field works. So we both derive pleasure from different sources in the same interaction and it works out well for everyone.

The order of the steps was also very important, because if they tried to have sex with me before teaching me about themselves, I would not get an erection.

And step #4 was for them to tell me what they want so that I can do it, because I don't trust myself to guess. That also seems to be an important part of relationship, right?



I looked into pick up artistry stuff when I was in High School, and it works, but it doesn't do anything for me. It is hard to do and I don't think it is fun.

I've been struck for a long time trying to figure out how to get people to like me in a way so that I can like myself and like them at the same time, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty. The only woman I ever met that seems to fit with me lives in Germany, and I won't be able to see her for another year and a half, if ever. I would like some sort of methodical way of meeting people I am compatible with, and as you can see, it isn't working out very well.

You have not written anything about yourself other than that you're judgy and also think you would be able to attract someone that have all those qualities. You're not showing how you'd be able to do that. Change it to be about you and if someone feels that matches up with their expectations and personality/interests they would view you more positively while still getting the same info about what you want (implied). No one likes feeling forced to prove themselves, especially not coming from strangers. Your profile is full of rejection and that will cause them to want to reject you too.

Honestly I think that the requirements section of the profile you posted sounds somewhat condescending and comes across as egotistical. The "steps to seduce me" is kind of funny though, but if it's online dating you're talking about leave out the part on physical intimacy. Most girls on those sites are going to be incredibly wary of anyone who lists anything remotely sexual on their profile. If you do want to set your preferences down in stone like that, I think that there are far more effective methods of doing so without potentially alienating or offending anyone.

Here's an explanation of the "implied" thing: For example, if someone says on their profile that they are very athletic and loves to be outdoors, then many assume that they want someone that's interested in those things too. They don't have to say "No non-athletic people allowed! I hate them!"... The thing is that other people don't know everything about yourself that you do, and the profile is where you show them some of that (not everything).

@ShamelessGit

Here's what you're doing wrong:
1.) Mentioning looks.
You come off as shallow the more you talk about looks. Trying to sound reasonable by mentioning how flexible your standards are makes them wonder how you see them. The closest you want to go towards looks is maybe attire (maybe you're smitten by women with an adventurous sense of fashion)

2.) Expecting them to do all the work.
It comes up in the looks part, the intelligence part, the beginning paragraph, basically the whole profile. Then mentioning that physical intimacy will "probably" go a long way. You don't sound very reciprocating in your profile.

3.) Sounding judgemental.
I guess it goes with one, but its worth a separate mention. You don't want to give anyone the impression that you hold it against other people if they don't meet your standards. If you want to have a good time with someone, they need to feel comfortable around you.

4.) You need to get over your fear of dancing.

I made a new profile that will maybe meet your picky standards. I think it's pretty good because it gets most of the same information as the previous one in a much more boring and normal way.

TheBestOfAllPossibleNames: Hi

I would prefer a quiet and relaxing relationship. I am not really a social animal. The traits I look for most in a partner are directness and kindness. Being smart and pretty would also be good of course. I am a nerd, and I would enjoy it if somebody else to share their nerdy hobby with me. I do not like drama.

I am a physics student first, and most of my life revolves around that. I play strategy video games against other people online in my free time. I also fence and lift weights to keep my body fit. I walk my parent's dogs on Saturday and Sunday. This summer I will be writing code for my university to handle data coming in from a satellite orbiting a comet.

My career goals are to go on to get a Master's and maybe a Ph.D., and then to work as an engineer or a professor.

I am pretty big on self improvement, which is why I am a vegetarian and I exercise. I am in a pretty near constant state of discipline during the week. I think it's been a few years since I've done something that I knew ahead of time that I would regret, or since I've overslept. This is partially to compensate for my intuition, which is really bad, and gets me into trouble if I let it.

First Date:

Apart from asocial nerdy guys who don't have girlfriends, I don't seem to share anything in common with anyone, so I usually prefer to go along with what everybody else is doing. That probably doesn't sound very attractive on a dating website; guys are always supposed to know what to do :s

If I chose what to do on the date, I'd probably take you out to lunch somewhere so that I could stuff food in my mouth when I couldn't think of anything to say. I might also suggest going rock climbing at the gym, or maybe you could try out the fencing club. I enjoyed camping as a boy scout, but I haven't done it in a few years. Maybe that's a bad idea for a first date.