Just how do I tell her?

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equestriatola
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09 May 2013, 1:39 pm

Thanks, y'all.

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equestriatola
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09 May 2013, 6:56 pm

Right now, I am feeling aflutter about all this....... *faint*

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LittlePenguin22
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09 May 2013, 7:21 pm

Do not throw out the L word, especially if you have not met. Wait until you've been dating a few months or until she says it first. It's too much too soon with no physical connection to back it up. Honestly, I don't know if I would suggest exclusively dating if you haven't met in person. Wait until you meet, know for sure there is a real romantic connection, spend a little time with her, then bust out the charm and try to make it official. But don't tell her you love her. Up until you meet, I agree with the other commenters--be complimentary, but not in a worshippy way (example: "man, I really like how smart and well-read you are; you're a great conversationalist" is preferable to "Oh my god, baby, you are just the most amazing person ever. Your hair shines like the moon and I want to swim in it. I just LOVE EVERYTHING about you and I'm so so so so into you and I can't wait for us to meet and fall in love because you are SO BEAUTIFUL AND AWESOME!") Chill, relax, and enjoy the ride. Restrain yourself and think before you type.

Also, if she's on OkCupid, she will most likely appreciate thoughtful compliments, opinions, and just interest in general on what she has to say more than the standard, "Ur hawt. Let's bone."or "So when are we meeting up, cutie pie?" that are pretty standard (I was on there for about 2 or 3 years. I know.), so you should stand out in the crowd of sleaze.

I hate those "Keep Calm and Carry on" tshirts, but I think that should be your motto in this situation.

equestriatola
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09 May 2013, 7:26 pm

^ Thanks, but I will likely be in L.A. no more than a weekish.

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Stalk
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10 May 2013, 3:08 am

I would say the longer you wait to say it the longer this will last. It is so stupid to not have to say it, but that is what worked for me. I speculate that it doesn't force them to express what they feel.

equestriatola
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10 May 2013, 3:25 pm

So, I guess I'd have to wait until July then, right?

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Stalk
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10 May 2013, 4:15 pm

by telling her so soon, you are giving up the game by giving it to her on a silver platter. The game just ended, there will be no more mystery. You're the one chasing her, I would say don't tell her, unless she asks you.

just turn the roles around and see if someone you barely knew came to you and confessed that they loved you, wouldn't that kill the mystery for you? You will be left feeling pressured to answer it see the problem?

Use it for as a last resort. She does know that your intention is to date her right?

equestriatola
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11 May 2013, 3:00 pm

Um.... yeah. I just feel so confused and aflutter!

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12 May 2013, 2:28 am

Don't pressure her too much. If she has any sense that will scare her off.

Just try to 'let things happen naturally.' Don't go in with an agenda to 'tell her' a specific thing.

If the two of you are really hitting it off as well as you say then she already knows.

If you want to make it clear you are into her, say things like "I really like you..." and "I really like talking to you/being with you." But don't overdo that. Once in a while by phone and maybe once toward the end of the week long visit.

By the way does she know you are going to come to L.A. for a week, and is that week with her, or are you just going to call when you get there, or...?

equestriatola
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12 May 2013, 4:16 am

It's for Anime Expo down there. She'll be at it, and yes, she is aware.

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Popsicle
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12 May 2013, 5:18 am

I'd just focus on fun and let it bring you two closer and make some great memories.

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12 May 2013, 2:41 pm

Popsicle wrote:

If you want to make it clear you are into her, say things like "I really like you..." and "I really like talking to you/being with you." But don't overdo that. Once in a while by phone and maybe once toward the end of the week long visit.

By the way does she know you are going to come to L.A. for a week, and is that week with her, or are you just going to call when you get there, or...?

Mhm, what Pop said. Don't think about that you need to tell her anything specific, You will meet for the first time just let her know how much you enjoy your time together and don't cater to her to much. Do things you want to do as well. Some have a easy time being themselves through the computer but when you meet up later you change and try to match the other person agreeing to much etc. Have your own mind and your own plans, but include each other.

Good luck and have lots of fun don't feel that things have to be done or said before a "deadline". Just do stuff and stuff will happen.

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equestriatola
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13 May 2013, 5:39 pm

Okay.

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Jono
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13 May 2013, 5:46 pm

equestriatola wrote:

So, here's my story. I found this gal on OKCupid from Orange County, and she and I have it going along pretty well. Now the big Q, how do I tell her and make it official?

I am just so worried, people.....

Meet her first and then decide if you want to continue dating. After a few dates, then ask her if you can make it exclusive. Technically, you've got a GF from when you start an exclusive dating relationship.

equestriatola
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13 May 2013, 6:29 pm

Jono wrote:

equestriatola wrote:

Well...... what do you do when you will only meet her once a year, however?

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Jono
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13 May 2013, 7:22 pm

equestriatola wrote:

Jono wrote:

equestriatola wrote:

Well...... what do you do when you will only meet her once a year, however?

Then you can still agree to have a long-distance relationship, where most of your contact with her will be on-line. Although, after experiencing one myself, I would probably tell you that those usually end up not working, unfortunately.

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