Getting dates when you don't often meet new people

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How do you do this? Just how? Recently I've really started to appreciate staying in as socialising all the time - which I used to try to do often - is absolutely knackering, which obviously means less chances to meet new people. I only really enjoy going to traditional places to hook up like pubs and clubs very occasionally, too.

The problem is, I am also fed up with being single. I want a girlfriend. But staying in a lot means not meeting new girls, which equals no girlfriend. I could do the whole dating site thing, but the websites will be likely dominated by neurotypical girls who want some big, muscly sports guy who can take them clubbing or whatever instead of a quirky, slightly nerdy guy who would prefer a night in with a nice meal and a film. I did register on Aspie Affection but the whole thing is broken.

So, any advice from both guys and girls how to overcome this barrier would be very welcome.

Well from my experience dating websites are filled with a lot of different people, and not all women are like you described. You can likely find women who say they appreciate a quirky, nerdy guy, although whether they actually do or not is up in the air. You will end up getting rejected a lot, but may be able to find some dates and possible relationships. I would caution you not to knock it until you try it.

Hi there,

Well, have you tried online dating sites? I’ve done this with varying degrees of success. Do you have any siblings who go to different social events, you might try joining them. Sometimes non-traditional places are a good way too, for example lectures and presentations given at schools, museums, or libraries, if that’s not your thing there are clubs and meet-up groups, maybe there is one that relates to some interest or hobby you have, you can also try joining the gym. I’ve made a lot of friends that way.

I met my husband at a training for work. I've dated folks I met in a twelve-step group, in a restaurant, through a telephone-based dating service, friends of a friend, at a festival. bookstores and coffee shops are good places to meet people, as are classes or hobby groups, where you will have an automatic set of things to talk about. volunteer work or political groups are another option.

I love to met and talk to women ( but I am too f--k up for any women to date me) I've met women at gym, hobby club,
game room, various shops.

game rooms are a good one. find some women to play cards game with. Sports store another one.
the gym of course.

as long as your not f--k up like me, you probaly do good.

I had a weed-smoking date last night with a woman my age that I met off the internet which falls into neither of those lame date categories that you mentioned. She invited me over to her place, and we hung out for an hour or so and got really high then I left afterwards.

"Lame date categories"? Wow, that's me put in my place... I personally don't see anything lame about dinner and a film. I could even smoke a few fat doobs, as I prefer to do stuff like watch films when I'm baked rather than sit around on my arse.

A few of you mentioned clubs and societies. They would be pretty ideal but there's nothing of interest to me near where I live (that I know of, anyway). Probably worth looking out for some, though.

Dating websites: which free ones are good? I've heard Plenty of Fish is pretty decent.

Well you said yourself that's what a "slightly nerdy guy" would do. Having a couple nerd-related hobbies is fine though as long as the guy doesn't look the part at all.

Ideally I'd want a girl that's also a little nerdy, though. A girlfriend who just wants to go clubbing all the time and do other "cool" stuff would bore me. I certainly don't look nerdy. Most people I know would say I have good style and I've been told I'm a good looking bloke.

Broadening your social circles and going to house parties is way better for dating prospects than pubs and clubs, which are noisy environments where people are on their guard. Strategically, think of someone among your circle of friends who takes part in a social event that (a) isn't particularly exclusive, and (b) involves people who you don't know at all, especially women. For example, I met my girlfriend through a "movie night" that a sort-of-friend of mine hosted in his apartment.


I don't think this is necessarily true at all. You will get rejected or simply ignored much of the time, but if you do not foresee yourself having many IRL social outlets and you want a girlfriend then it's a relatively good use of time, especially if you live in a city.

I wouldn't judge too many people that I didn't know. Just get to know single women you have a decent-to-good initial impression of, online or offline, and find out if you can establish a good rapport with them and if you have enough in common. Cast a wide net, so to speak.

I would suggest talking to slightly nerdy girls on WP who also prefer films/meals to clubbing and see what happens.

Very good advice

I've actually had a lot of luck meeting people to date or just hang out with on OkCupid. You do have to be careful like on any other online dating site but depending on your area there could be hundreds of people around.