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balidor
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13 Jul 2013, 1:35 pm

Hi, I wonder how the hell I can get over a crush?

It really makes me depressed and is ruining my life!

By the way I'm an 19 year old boy.



Primeperson12357
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13 Jul 2013, 1:49 pm

Balidor, I'm sorry to say that time is the only tool which will let you get over a crush...
Try to focus on other things in your life which make you happy. Don't hesitate taking up new challenges or hobbies in order to try to keep your mind busy.
Luckily, someday you will start feeling as if your life started again and then all these miserable feelings will be nothing but past memories. You will fall in love again and then again and again. That's life, good luck!



balidor
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13 Jul 2013, 2:05 pm

Primeperson12357 wrote:
Balidor, I'm sorry to say that time is the only tool which will let you get over a crush...
Try to focus on other things in your life which make you happy. Don't hesitate taking up new challenges or hobbies in order to try to keep your mind busy.
Luckily, someday you will start feeling as if your life started again and then all these miserable feelings will be nothing but past memories. You will fall in love again and then again and again. That's life, good luck!


But I'm supposed to enjoy my holiday, and all I think about is this girl. I walked myself to exhaustion today, didn't work.

I can't concentrate on anything this is really killing me. Btw crushes are really rare for me, no idea why they happen.



albedo
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13 Jul 2013, 2:06 pm

The way to do it is view it as the fixation it is and detach yourself from this fixation.

Often these fixations have nothing whatever to do with the person in reality, or at the very least, you can't really know them well enough in that way.

If you dwell on it you are reenforcing that behavior and prolonging your pain and disappointment.

Better to nip it in the bud, and be strict with yourself.



balidor
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13 Jul 2013, 2:30 pm

albedo wrote:
The way to do it is view it as the fixation it is and detach yourself from this fixation.

Often these fixations have nothing whatever to do with the person in reality, or at the very least, you can't really know them well enough in that way.

If you dwell on it you are reenforcing that behavior and prolonging your pain and disappointment.

Better to nip it in the bud, and be strict with yourself.


Makes sense, but as long as I see this girl on a daily basis it will prolong itself.



Ladywoofwoof
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13 Jul 2013, 2:35 pm

How long have you had a crush on her for ?
Why are you having to see her on a daily basis ?



balidor
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13 Jul 2013, 2:54 pm

Ladywoofwoof wrote:
How long have you had a crush on her for ?
Why are you having to see her on a daily basis ?


Less than a week, but it got stronger and stronger.

Because she works where I work. Well technically my holiday is not yet, I have one more week at work.

But its gonna suck cause I can't think of anything else.



albedo
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13 Jul 2013, 3:01 pm

Then it should be easier to get over.



1401b
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13 Jul 2013, 3:04 pm

I do it like this... Emotion Regulation via StabilizingAutism/unsolicited-advice


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nick007
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13 Jul 2013, 10:03 pm

What worked for me some is avoidance, doing something to ruin any possibility I may of had of being with them, or developing a crush on someone else or getting in a relationship with someone


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RudeGoldbergMachine
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14 Jul 2013, 6:49 am

Think of reasons not to like her. Pick flaws with her appearance (not out loud!!) when you see her, and when you're thinking about her try to picture her doing something gross, like picking her nose or popping a zit etc. Think about everything she ever did that you didn't like and focus on that, maybe write down a list/diary. Sometimes works for me.



Panamai
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14 Jul 2013, 4:10 pm

^^ This works for me sometimes. I totally know how you feel though, I get obsessive crushes too. :p



SilentRose
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16 Jul 2013, 12:20 pm

Personally, I think the bigger issue is "how you are responding" to this Crush. Having a "Crush" on someone is great...only if you are willing to pursue that person. If you are not willing to pursue a Crush and have no plans to pursue this Crush, then it's going to be painful, agonizing and slow suffering. You need to just pursue this Crush. If she responds positively, then you'll be in heaven. If she gently or harshly rejects you, then you know that the door is closed. Having the door firmly closed will help you get over this crush faster. If you don't pursue her and just admire her from afar and let this Crush continue to consume your mind....you will only suffer.

If you aren't willing to pursue this Crush, then try to find a "Crush" that is worth pursuing :wink:



RudeGoldbergMachine
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16 Jul 2013, 12:59 pm

Panamai wrote:
^^ This works for me sometimes. I totally know how you feel though, I get obsessive crushes too. :p


Yep, me too. As you might tell from my cheating thread, I still have some work to do apparently :roll:

I also have a question to follow up on the OP's topic, hoping it isn't too derailing. (Mods feel free to please move to a new thread if it's a problem.)

What do you do if you have dreams about another person every night? I mean... very intimate dreams? And then you wake up feeling a lot of desire for that person?

Is your subconscious fixation a sign that it's more than just a crush? Or can you get rid of that happening somehow? This is a big issue for me unfortunately... I not only dream about my current crush but about people I pined over 10 and more years ago and it can be very frustrating :?



Sheerboredom
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17 Jul 2013, 4:27 am

Beer, lots and lots of beer. By the way I'm seventeen and I know this doesn't work.

Find another girl, take up a new hobby, enlist, or maybe just meditate.


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balidor
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19 Jul 2013, 9:47 am

SilentRose wrote:
Personally, I think the bigger issue is "how you are responding" to this Crush. Having a "Crush" on someone is great...only if you are willing to pursue that person. If you are not willing to pursue a Crush and have no plans to pursue this Crush, then it's going to be painful, agonizing and slow suffering. You need to just pursue this Crush. If she responds positively, then you'll be in heaven. If she gently or harshly rejects you, then you know that the door is closed. Having the door firmly closed will help you get over this crush faster. If you don't pursue her and just admire her from afar and let this Crush continue to consume your mind....you will only suffer.

If you aren't willing to pursue this Crush, then try to find a "Crush" that is worth pursuing :wink:


Ha, took a while until someone mentioned that way :)

Well no there is no way I can pursue this person. Truth be told I didn't even know her name. Did some digging and found out of course, but I also found out that she is underage.

Don't know why I get these obsessive crushes, I mean sure she was pretty but I've seen many pretty girls...

Makes no sense to me, but I just have to wait it out. Already getting better...