All girls I know are out of my league

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Yes, a one-dimensional scale of universal attractiveness is probably inaccurate by design.

But I was thinking again about the girl I talked about in http://www.wrongplanet.net/posts231563-highlight.html.
During one rehearsal, she borderline-flirted with a taken guy (who is much more masculine than me and already has a full-time job, by the way). Apparently, she really enjoyed herself a lot – much more than she could possibly enjoy herself when talking to me (considering my social communication skills). So while she can't have him, why should she be interested in me if she gets attention from someone like him?

Unless a miracle happens, I don't see how I can be successful at dating in the foreseeable future. I'd really like to stop thinking about this topic, but I'm faced with it all the time. It's impossible to leave my room without seeing a couple holding hands, and it's impossible to switch on the TV without the topic being discussed.

Welcome to my world, man. I know that it's a good thing to know two people like each other enough to hold hands and stuff, but it disgusts me to see that because I am single myself. I can't even see my brother and his wife give each other one little kiss and I love them both very much! That is how bad it is for me

A common thing among aspies is a blindness to social hierarchies and the belief that nobody is better than anyone else. If you've lost that, get it back. Because it logically follows that if nobody is better than anyone else then no one is out of your league. Once you've done that dating becomes more of a game than an angst-inducing affair. You can analyze the situations objectively, what did I do wrong? Did I turn her off somehow? Failure is never ever ever because she's out of your league, it's because you weren't doing something right or it was because of something beyond your control going on in her head. If it's the former, figure it out and move on. If it's the latter, there's plenty more like her out there, move on.

Now, I'm not fishing for complements, and I realise that this post has a lot of negative stuff in it, but yeah...

Yeah, I was bullied all the time in most of the schools I was in. This caused my self respect to fall to basically nothing, and it didn't help that my older brother would make remarks about my appearance when we were young (6-10)

People would not talk to me, and I couldn't be in their 'clique' in schools, I was basically never invited to parties, not just not invited, but I was actively left out of any talk about parties going on (by my friends at school, mind...). I did have like sleepovers and stuff (basically gaming nights) with friends, which was cool.

What did get me (like a fraking knife to the heart) was that I could invite people to my birthday party, no one even RSVP'd and would not turn up, so I have basically given up having a party, to the point where I don't realise that it's my birthday, and my parents say "happy birthday!" and I go "wow, it is.."

Now, I also have had it where I would try to add to the conversation with relevant information, and people would ignore me (it was not out of the blue, I had introduced myself and talked a bit and then...) and they would stop talking to me unless they needed something from me (usually the last resort, i know this coz I would ask "doesn't anyone else know?" or something similar, and they'd say "No, ive asked people, but they dont know" or even worse, "well i have, but you're the last person I can think of who'd know")

Also being almost invisible to the opposite sex, it does mess up your self image. I have had people avoid me, not want to know me etc. etc. It happens...

One of the kind of annoying things is that every girl I meet, is in a relationship. Now it would seem statistically improbable, especially as the bureau of statistics says that there are more women in my age group than men ~2:1

This is through University and stuff, lots of girls there so there could be a correlation between the two, but maybe not a causality... IDK

What I've found to help is to be positive, even when you're feeling like a black hole is inside you, which helps to get people on your side. You can then try to get to know them and see where it goes from there. Ask what their interests are and stuff.

Not that this was bullying, but I went to a doctor (GP) one time (with my mum, and she was in the room with me as I wasn't old enough to get prescriptions myself) to get a treatment for acne, and he asked "So people have been calling you..." and then proceeded to rattle off about 20 derogatory names that children would be called (I might add that this was not the case, I just wanted to get rid of the damn things!) and then finally gave me the prescription, this was not my normal GP (he was on holiday). Which is one of the weirdest things that's happened to me... O.o

You remind me of my current boyfriend who has autism like me, he thought I was out of my league until he manned up and asked me to be his girlfriend. Had he been afraid of rejection, we would have still been friendzoned to this day.

You are right.

rabid is a typical female spewing falsehoods about what women want lol.

[/quote]rabid is a typical female spewing falsehoods about what women want lol.[/quote]

it's confidence mix with looks,personality. a confidence Goth is not going to get a pretty popular
cheerleader with confidence,because the cheerleader likes football players.

confidence is good,but you need looks and personality along with it.

Your have to realize that a lot of the relationship BS presented by our society is to sell a lot of their lame shows. I have dated a lot of gals that people would consider out of my league let alone age group appropriate.

How? Money is to women like sex is to men. If you understand this basic fact and make good money then goodbye dating problems.

I am a strip club VIP. There is not a gal in there out of my league as long as I have the money. As a matter of fact they pursue me. Currently I have been seeing a stripper (now x stripper) who was a cheerleader in high school going on 5 years. Furthermore, I have dated many women off the dating site seeking arrangement. My marriage is a farce, the wife told me ten years ago it was just a business relationship. My response: Getting my strip club VIP, online profiles on dating sites like seeking arrangement, etc.

Yes AS ruined my dating life when I was young. I was completely shut out of it in high school. I did not have my first girlfriend until I was 22, a senior in college. When I did finally start dating my junior year in college I struggled and at times it seemed hopeless. There was no such thing as online dating sites like today so I was shut out of a lot of things bc I had no friends and people made fun of me. I was consumed by self blame and insecurity. No one had even heard of AS at that time so I had no idea what I was really up against. However, I developed a strategy, read dating books to at least emulate someone who was some kind of winner. I developed an entire lie system for a variety of subjects even had stories about girlfriends I had never had.

I did not find about AS until I was well over 40. I struggled with being social handicapped for a long time without really knowing what I was up against. I have had numerous firings, and disappointments. You just have to keep on going and realize where one door shuts another opens.

I believe confidence can be faked. Its simply a matter of developing the necessary lie system and play book. Women hate lack of confidence so no matter what you do your play book has to reflect that your someone confident.

You're right that I've only recently learned about hierarchies, and it has made me feel bad because I've realized where I actually am. But I think it's very important for functioning in places like work and university. If you act inappropriately there, the consequences can be bad.

In dating, if you hit on someone out of your league, you're easily called a creep, which doesn't only ruin your dating prospects but also your entire social life (mine is already bad enough). I'm very scared of that.


That's right, if there was someone who liked me but I failed to ask her out, I'd get friendzoned. But I've never been friendzoned – instead I'm simply avoided by people.


I currently don't have enough money to brag about it, and I'm not sure if I wanted to if I had money, but anyway, how do brag about money in front of women? Do you wear expensive clothes and drive an expensive car or talk about your job more directly?

Now don't you listen to that last person there. He's talking a bit of mumbo jumbo. Not ALL women date men because they have money. When my brother and sister-in-law started dating, my brother was near dirt poor! The last guy I dated was (and is) poor too. Women who date men because they have money are a bunch of idiots. What that last person SHOULD have said is that women date for EMOTIONS and UNDERSTANDING.
I'm not trying to pick a fight here or anything, but that's the truth, especially since I myself am a woman.

There are a lot of mumbo jumbo guys on here.

Agreed, but there is a person in my family who... wouldn't be in my family if she wasn't attracted to money and reputation. She has completely brainwashed her husband, so she gets all she wants without working and he never disagrees with her.

I hope I won't encounter someone like her.

NO ONE is "out of your league." You need to get rid of that concept right now, you're giving up one of your aspie strengths by believing in that self-defeating NT concept. If someone thinks you're a creep for an innocent party or dinner invite then she's not someone you want to date anyway. Just don't confirm her suspicion in her head that' you're a creep by repeatedly hitting on her, because then she could spread that word around. If you shrug it off and believe it's no big deal that she said no, she may wonder if she should have said "yes." NT women are weird that way. My being oblivious to social hierarchies got me my first real girlfriend. I stood up for someone against the "Alpha male" of a group (I didn't know who he was and didn't really care, he hates me to this day but oh well) and a woman was so impressed she started pursuing me, I was blind to her pursuit for a while too, which made her pursue even harder. Of course you have to pay attention to hierarchies at university or at work, I just use military style rules for those things, that's what works for me anyway. I do the same for any interactions with law enforcement. I've gotten out of several traffic tickets just by saying "yes sir" "no sir" and being completely honest. It may seem depressingly shallow that women respond to things like this but DataSage's guide here actually has value, I suggest you read it.

Link to DataSage's Guide to meeting women

Also I suggest you watch "The Tao of Steve" to see the fallacy of this "out of your league" thinking. It's just a movie but the principles are realistic and relevant.

If this is what I need to do in order to participate in the game of dating, then I don't want to play.

You don't need to, it just helps to understand what a lot of women will respond to. They've been conditioned to act and respond a certain way. It's like some kind of armor or force field if it helps to think of it that way. Once you get by it you'll both have to reveal yourselves for anything lasting. That's just the way it goes in my experience.