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Questions about love

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Kinme
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22 Jul 2013, 4:24 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
This is getting So tiresome. I thought Aspies were supposed to be logical and take things at face value. All Ive gotten is the drama of emotionalism, defensiveness, and bullying before simply asking questions here at Wp- which would go a long way toward understanding what is being said.


I thought you were here to seek advice and not be a jerk, like you're calling everyone else. Go to The Haven and post there. Nobody said that Aspies don't misunderstand. That is definitely one of the issues a lot of us deal with. Anyway, I don't have anything else to say.



Marcia
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22 Jul 2013, 4:25 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
The thing Ive learned about unconditional love is that it must sometimes be done from a distance. For example, if Im involved with someone I love deeply and he hurts me over and over again (yes, this is a true story) then I must eventually continue my unconditional love from a distance after we have broken up. I still honestly love him but I see him as a sick person who doesn't want to get well (stop drinking, stop cheating).


Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.

Edited to add: don't you think there's something more than a little dysfunctional about professing unconditional love for someone who hurts you over and over again?



Last edited by Marcia on 22 Jul 2013, 4:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

sweetcakes
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22 Jul 2013, 4:30 pm

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I thought you were here to seek advice and not be a jerk,


AGAIN- If you would quickly re-read these posts here you would see that someone ELSE sought out advice/asked a question and I was giving them my answer/experience....



sweetcakes
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22 Jul 2013, 4:36 pm

Quote:
Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.


Nope. I don't think you are understanding- there is a big difference between loving someone and being a doormat.

Staying in a rlshp with someone who cheats and is an active alcoholic is subjecting yourself to doormat status. I dont recommend it for anyone and neither would most pastors, counselors, or mental health professionals (after a certain time of giving someone a chance and especially when no kids are involved.)

If you truly believe otherwise, I suggest you try it for a time and tell me how staying with that kind of behavior has anything to do with love.

You can still contimue to love someone from far away, where there is no more damage being done.



Kinme
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22 Jul 2013, 4:38 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
Quote:
I thought you were here to seek advice and not be a jerk,


AGAIN- If you would quickly re-read these posts here you would see that someone ELSE sought out advice/asked a question and I was giving them my answer/experience....


Lol, you're a trip. I am entitled to my opinion, and I am able to respond to what you are saying to others. You're being just as much of a jerk as everyone else. ANYWAY, this isn't worth my time arguing about. I've given you my opinion about seeking help elsewhere, for your own benefit.



MCalavera
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22 Jul 2013, 4:40 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
Quote:
Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.


Nope. I don't think you are understanding- there is a big difference between loving someone and being a doormat.

Staying in a rlshp with someone who cheats and is an active alcoholic is subjecting yourself to doormat status. I dont recommend it for anyone and neither would most pastors, counselors, or mental health professionals (after a certain time of giving someone a chance and especially when no kids are involved.)

If you truly believe otherwise, I suggest you try it for a time and tell me how staying with that kind of behavior has anything to do with love.

You can still contimue to love someone from far away, where there is no more damage being done.


I think what Marcia is saying that it can't be true unconditional love if you just love from a distance. True unconditional love entails being a doormat for that person if you had to.



Marcia
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22 Jul 2013, 4:45 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
Quote:
Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.


Nope. I don't think you are understanding- there is a big difference between loving someone and being a doormat.

Staying in a rlshp with someone who cheats and is an active alcoholic is subjecting yourself to doormat status. I dont recommend it for anyone and neither would most pastors, counselors, or mental health professionals (after a certain time of giving someone a chance and especially when no kids are involved.)

If you truly believe otherwise, I suggest you try it for a time and tell me how staying with that kind of behavior has anything to do with love.

You can still contimue to love someone from far away, where there is no more damage being done.


So at least one condition for the love is that it be from a distance. That's not "unconditional love, which is specifically what I'm referring to. My point is that as soon as you introduce at least one "condition" then the love is not, by definition, "unconditional".

I left an abusive marriage. It took me a long time fully to extricate myself, so when it comes to dysfunctional relationships I do have some personal experience.



Marcia
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22 Jul 2013, 4:46 pm

MCalavera wrote:
sweetcakes wrote:
Quote:
Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.


Nope. I don't think you are understanding- there is a big difference between loving someone and being a doormat.

Staying in a rlshp with someone who cheats and is an active alcoholic is subjecting yourself to doormat status. I dont recommend it for anyone and neither would most pastors, counselors, or mental health professionals (after a certain time of giving someone a chance and especially when no kids are involved.)

If you truly believe otherwise, I suggest you try it for a time and tell me how staying with that kind of behavior has anything to do with love.

You can still contimue to love someone from far away, where there is no more damage being done.


I think what Marcia is saying that it can't be true unconditional love if you just love from a distance. True unconditional love entails being a doormat for that person if you had to.


Yes, thank you. You said it better than I did. :)



MCalavera
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22 Jul 2013, 4:47 pm

At least I got something right today.



Kinme
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22 Jul 2013, 4:47 pm

Marcia wrote:
MCalavera wrote:
sweetcakes wrote:
Quote:
Surely if the love were truly unconditional then these things would be of no consequence. To view the object of your love as "sick" is hardly a sign of unconditional love. If your love were unconditional then you would stay with him and you wouldn't wish him to change in any way.


Nope. I don't think you are understanding- there is a big difference between loving someone and being a doormat.

Staying in a rlshp with someone who cheats and is an active alcoholic is subjecting yourself to doormat status. I dont recommend it for anyone and neither would most pastors, counselors, or mental health professionals (after a certain time of giving someone a chance and especially when no kids are involved.)

If you truly believe otherwise, I suggest you try it for a time and tell me how staying with that kind of behavior has anything to do with love.

You can still contimue to love someone from far away, where there is no more damage being done.


I think what Marcia is saying that it can't be true unconditional love if you just love from a distance. True unconditional love entails being a doormat for that person if you had to.


Yes, thank you. You said it better than I did. :)


No matter how long it takes, unfortunately. It can kill you inside.



Kinme
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22 Jul 2013, 4:48 pm

MCalavera wrote:
At least I got something right today.


Tell me about it, lol.



blueroses
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22 Jul 2013, 4:56 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
PS Kinme, the ex I am referring to does not have Aspergers. I never said that nor is it anywhere implied. I am just very tired of people who seem to either not read my posts carefully AT ALL, OR read into them things I never ever said and I for the life of me, cannot figure out WHY or WHERE you possibly could have gotten that information.


It's about context. In other words, you are posting in a forum designed for people with Asperger's to discuss dating issues. It would be natural for someone to think your post has something to do with AS, given that context.

sweetcakes wrote:
This is getting So tiresome. I thought Aspies were supposed to be logical and take things at face value. All Ive gotten is the drama of emotionalism, defensiveness, and bullying before simply asking questions here at Wp- which would go a long way toward understanding what is being said.


Seeing your posts in this thread and the one in which you deleted your OP, it is hard for me to understand what you are getting out of continuing to post here. Why not call it a day? I'm sorry about your break-up and hope you feel better after you get the chance to calm down. Maybe you have someone you can talk or talk with in person about what has happened instead?



sweetcakes
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22 Jul 2013, 4:59 pm

Because I dont want to. Why dont you leave? If you read the other thread, you would know that I am standing up against bullying type behavior.



MCalavera
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22 Jul 2013, 5:03 pm

sweetcakes wrote:
Because I dont want to. Why dont you leave? If you read the other thread, you would know that I am standing up against bullying type behavior.


Kinme actually apologized to you in this exact thread and you didn't acknowledge it and just continued being rude to her.

And now, despite blueroses being very kind to you, you're challenging her to leave? lol, even blueroses is a target.

And yet we're the emotional ones.



sweetcakes
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22 Jul 2013, 5:12 pm

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It's about context. In other words, you are posting in a forum designed for people with Asperger's to discuss dating issues. It would be natural for someone to think your post has something to do with AS, given that context.


This is not exactly "kind" It is pretty matter of fact. Is not being rude and demeaning now considered to be "kind"?

Quote:
Seeing your posts in this thread and the one in which you deleted your OP, it is hard for me to understand what you are getting out of continuing to post here. Why not call it a day? I'm sorry about your break-up and hope you feel better after you get the chance to calm down. Maybe you have someone you can talk or talk with in person about what has happened instead?


this is not "kind" either. It's patronizing and nicely asking me to, uh- LEAVE!? So that's "kind"?

once again- disingenuous....



Last edited by sweetcakes on 22 Jul 2013, 5:36 pm, edited 1 time in total.

MCalavera
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22 Jul 2013, 5:15 pm

Oh, I see. She's sorry for seeing that you're suffering and suggested you calm down and take a good break for your own benefit and you say that's not kind?