I finally gound a girlfriend, but shes let me down.

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I know a lot of you have put up with my desire for a long term partner a lot, well as a few of you know i found one a couple of weeks ago, i was overjoyed, honestly, i thought my luck was changing and that i had sometihng good to enjoy well now im seeing the cloud inside the silver lining. And not as she is an NT

The fact is, after a few days of enjoying the taken lie, i began to realise dates consisted of nothing more then sitting and watching TV, getting romantic, or nights at the pub (insert Shaun of the Dead pun here ) Im sitting my A-Levels, and this girl is making me feel like im wasting my time, she si friendly and kind, but she does not take the initiative, she says nothing she does nothing, and everything with her feels like a chore, it's getting to the point where i turn my phone off so she won't chat to me, i just can't take it, and i made the mistake of tellng her i loved her, because i wanted to make it so, but now i realise i've put ymself in a big hole. I've explained my AS, and that i struggle to take the initiative or think up stuff to do, yet she does not bother, i might see her tonight, but to issue a warning, "Either buck or, or the relationship is up!" As im fed up of beingin a lifeless relationship, and it's only been 2 sorrowful weeks. I need a girl who can help me emotionally, by understanding and helping me, and knowing hwo to make it more fun, if this girl did that, i would know what to do. But she just makes it bland.

Sounds like you want her to do all the work and you want her to be super understanding yet you are unwilling to be understanding of her. Few women will take the initiative in a relationship so it is up to the guy. As women we get labeled as b*****s or tramps if we take the initiative. Don't expect a woman to do all the work just because you want to use AS as an excuse. If you can't meet them halfway then don't expect to date anyone.

I'm not sure what you thought relationships and datings involved, but its obvious you are not ready to share your life with another person. Tell her the truth then go your separate ways.

Some personalities clash.I have a few things that I like to do that boyfriends dont....dumpster diving,bike riding,thrift stores,garage sales,hunting in rock quaries for agates.....if I say I want to do one of those things and they dont like it
and their idea of fun is ALWAYS going to a resturant,movie,bar.....then we are not going to get along.

I was lucky(it wasnt complete luck...I let him know my tastes before we began dating), to find someone who likes to do some of the same things but doesnt like alot of things I like(camping,playing cards)so we had to find some common ground....we both like "alternative" movies and I will watch rented movies but hate going to movie theaters.I dont like many resturants but we have found a few chinese buffets that we both enjoy........team work and comprimise.It helps if you have complementary communication style as well.Some people like to dominate conversations and be the center of attention....if they are with someone who is the same then they just end up competing not complimenting each other(those type of people work better with someone who desnt like to talk much and doesnt mind being an audience.


Dont blame this person for being passive....that is the perfect "type" person for someone.....just not you.And if she makes some suggestions of things to do that you shoot down.dont blame her if she stops making suggestions....nobody likes feeling their ideas being rejected all the time.I have dated guys who were to much like me....it never works when neither person can take the lead.......just end up with the following conversation repeated everyday....

"what do you want to do"
"I dont know,what do you want do"
"what ever you do"

repeat until someone starts pulling their hair out



Good luck.....I think you need to either start making plans yourself or find someone else who can and then do what they want.
Some people find watching TV,going to the pub and making out to be exceptable ways to spend their time.......yawn.

Ticker said: I'm not sure what you thought relationships and datings involved, but its obvious you are not ready to share your life with another person. Tell her the truth then go your separate ways.

I think that's a bit harsh but mostly true. I'd say it's obvious you're not ready to share your life with HER - specifically her. She's the wrong one, but don't give up.

Also, I think you realize now that saying I love you because you hope to make it true is just wrong, wrong, wrong. If anything, postpone saying it beyond when you know it's true. Once you said it to her it meant you accept her as she is, and that's plainly not the case.

I've translated NTs for decades and can masquerade as one myself for long periods of time but ultimately it's exhausting. It's OK to wear the mask in order to work a job for a defined period, or to get through school in order to be gainfully employed afterward - gotta eat, live somewhere, after all. But it's even more vital to spend private time/home time/date time as yourself if you're wearing the mask at work or school.

Ok, i decided to reply once i had spoken to the missus, i told her the truth, i was worried about how tihngs were gong, i was worried the relationship was stable and that we needed to sort oursevles out, i admit i have alreayd lost the pasison and spark after 2 weeks as she never bothered, i tried to encourage her to open up and i tried to do the same, i was close to tears, she was mute, she never bothered to contribute, aside from about 10 seconds of dialouge, which was basically consisited of us coming to cinema, and the discussion was 45 minutes, and for 44:50 of those minutes, she was silent, and hardly contributed, i was throwiing ideas and suggestions around, trying to encourage her to speak and open up, but to no avail, and i was doing the best i could, i assure you. But she was hardly contributing, and when she left i was relived she was gone, i felt defeated, i had felt good to cry somewhat, but the fact she did not try to open up left me defeated, taking the advice of my friends and you guys on here, i realise i must end it, im just fed up of her simply l;eaving me to my own devices, as much as i like solitue, when we see each other i had hoped we could both me open, with her being closed, that makes it nigh on impossible for me, and i can't read people well, how can you read a closed book? So im gong to do the best thing in the long term, end this relationship now and move on, it will save on grief. I do thank all of you for your help and time. I only hope i will find the right grl who is able to just be herself and be open around me =)

That's just the way most girls are. You, as the man, are expected to make the laughs, to impress with your wit and knowledge, or if you are lacking in these things, to take her to whatever crappy film is out right now and pay for your laughs there. Most attractive girls are simply going to have no personality because it's never been required at any stage in their life; there was nothing to prompt the development of a personality, and no reason they would ever need to have a personality, besides, due to getting by so well simply on appearance.

You could always just try to shape her into your interests, but from what you said it doesn't look like she'd be willing to feign interest in what you like, anyway.

She is attractive, isn't she? And she isn't simply shy, you're sure of that?

So you don't really love her then why you told her that?

If you love her then give it more time and as folks are saying here you are the one who should take the initiative , maybe she is of the shy type and she needs time and you are the one who supposed to push her .

...if you lied to her abt the love thing then you should end it immediately and face the consequences .

Topher.

I'm good at spotting lies and whatnot. are you telling us the whole truth?

Because I'm starting to wonder now if said girl may have had AS or some equivalancy as well and this may have been just as hard for her as it was for you.

just pondering that.

I stick with my original statement.

You wanted a relationship so much that you were probably more open to giving her a chance to "come out of her shell".It hasnt happened.Time to move on.

I just think it is a matter of "chemistry"...alll people are not meant for all people.We are a bundle of chemicals(personalitys)and some do not work well together.There maybe some guys who like her passivity but it doesnt work for you.Learn from your mistake(no more talking about love before you know the person for a long time)and keep your eyes and ears open for someone who is more open.Rejection isnt about "one person" being bad, but about two people who dont click,nothing wrong with that(so dont blame her either).

I think the reason the devorce rate is so high is because people dont take enough time to understand what they are looking for in a mate at many different levels.They just see someone and theink....not bad looking,about the right age and body shape,some physical attraction,they arent to mean to others and seem to be nice to me,they show me attention....some are even worse.....They have big breasts or a nice car and income.This is not a very logical way to look for someone you are going to have to share your space/life with.Better to be alone then to think you can change someone or live with major personality clashes.

You dont have to find your clone...you have to find some shared interests,belief systems and things that compliment each other...one person likes to make plans the other likes to build furniture,one can cook and the other likes to work in the garden that both enjoy fresh veggies.The "flaws" need to be something you can live with(my boyfriend is a slob,I wish he wasnt but...I am alays mailing in the bills late so now he takes care of that)You have to learn what you can live with and what will drive you to homocide(a fine lline for some).

Sorry this hurts so much,and it does,even when you know if is not meant to be,ending something can be hard.Welcome to relationships.....every coin had a flip side,keep that in mind.

You should just give up on love now before you get hurt to the point where you'll kill yourself.

Sorry for going off-topic but Limp Bizkit FTW!! !! !

I would say... stick to the basics:

What you put into a relationship is what you get out. When someone is giving more than taking and vice versa, things will go bad in the end.

You MUST have fun together -- being natural with each other (as krex was saying about chemistry). If you're not still having fun (this is excluding any sexual acts which are said to be 'fun') then there is no point. I guess if one of you is finding spending time together fun, and the other not, then you just have very different ideas of what is fun.

I've been in the same situation as you, where you can't keep a conversation going, or at all. I don't think it works. Also when I've met a girl and grown fond of her (within days) then you just can't see clearly cos there are chemicals in your brain saying everything is fine when they are not.