Board index › Coping in life › Love and Dating

Why do girls hate shy guys?

Page 5 of 18 [ 281 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 ... 18  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

Why do girls hate shy guys?
They expect their men to protect them (sexism) 14%  14%  [ 15 ]
Society says shy guys are bad 18%  18%  [ 20 ]
Shy guys are worse at sex 4%  4%  [ 4 ]
Shy guys are just boring 22%  22%  [ 24 ]
Women who reject introverts are just as superficial as men who reject fatties (duh!) 13%  13%  [ 14 ]
Other 29%  29%  [ 32 ]
Total votes : 109

OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

30 Jul 2013, 11:21 pm

billiscool wrote:
not to be rude oliveoilmom and wtfid. but olive you are alot more social than wtfid.
and probaly have better social skills.


I had to work very hard to develop them. They did not come naturally. It took years and years and years. It was scary, I messed up a lot and got laughed at even more at first, I got bullied and picked on even more than that when I started trying. But I kept on. It is very hard to do, but it is possible. I was worse than you probably think when I was young. I had to make myself learn all this as a teenager, because back then we didn't know about AS. I just thought I was shy and awkward and clumsy and that there was no reason I couldn't do what everybody else did. So, I kept on and on and on until I did it. If I had known I had AS I might have just given up because I would have thought it was impossible. That's why I'm so very glad I didn't know until I was in my 40s, and by then it just didn't matter. By then it was just something that explained to me why I was the way I was. I had already dealt with it and was dealing with it on a day to day basis in ways that I learned myself. Up until then I thought everybody was like that.

So, it's just something that you have to work at over and over and over and try and fail, and fail many more times until your first tiny success, then more failure, then you start having victories. They happen more often and it's not as scary. You gain confidence that way. A lot of this is easy to say now, yes. But I do remember every last bit of how hard it was and that feeling I'd get when I had to say something to someone or was put in a situation I was uncomfortable in. It was hell. Pure torture. But you can't get out of hell by sitting in one spot. You have to walk through more hell to get to the exit. That's what I did, without even knowing I was doing it.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


Schneekugel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jul 2012
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,612

31 Jul 2013, 12:15 am

wtfid2 wrote:
i called him scum because he abuses you...and he should be shot for doing that sh**...you are scum too for going back to him and saying he is more worthy of love than the many virgins of this forum who are respectful.

women like you complain about being abused but then go back..ha what a joke.

im not jealous that your husband has a lazy 60 year old housewife with a bad temper...who is a criminal and can fight guys like they're going out of style. Did you even graduate high-school?

I was defending you..but you are too interested in picking fights to realize this


Hope you didnt mean yourself with respectful. Because your post isnt.



billiscool
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Feb 2006
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,989

31 Jul 2013, 12:20 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
billiscool wrote:
not to be rude oliveoilmom and wtfid. but olive you are alot more social than wtfid.
and probaly have better social skills.


I had to work very hard to develop them. They did not come naturally. It took years and years and years. It was scary, I messed up a lot and got laughed at even more at first, I got bullied and picked on even more than that when I started trying. But I kept on. It is very hard to do, but it is possible. I was worse than you probably think when I was young. I had to make myself learn all this as a teenager, because back then we didn't know about AS. I just thought I was shy and awkward and clumsy and that there was no reason I couldn't do what everybody else did. So, I kept on and on and on until I did it. If I had known I had AS I might have just given up because I would have thought it was impossible. That's why I'm so very glad I didn't know until I was in my 40s, and by then it just didn't matter. By then it was just something that explained to me why I was the way I was. I had already dealt with it and was dealing with it on a day to day basis in ways that I learned myself. Up until then I thought everybody was like that.

So, it's just something that you have to work at over and over and over and try and fail, and fail many more times until your first tiny success, then more failure, then you start having victories. They happen more often and it's not as scary. You gain confidence that way. A lot of this is easy to say now, yes. But I do remember every last bit of how hard it was and that feeling I'd get when I had to say something to someone or was put in a situation I was uncomfortable in. It was hell. Pure torture. But you can't get out of hell by sitting in one spot. You have to walk through more hell to get to the exit. That's what I did, without even knowing I was doing it.


yes,you have far better social skills than wtfid. you have better socials skills than me.it's nothing to be ashamed of.



Charis
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2013
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 92

31 Jul 2013, 1:45 am

in reply to the OP (seems there's some thread drama that I would find intimidating, so I will avoid that) I personally prefer the shy ones. The shy ones USUALLY (not always) treat others respectfully. The ones who think they are God's gift to women can go **** themselves, I can't stand them. The shy ones usually have something amazing hidden underneath that nobody else has discovered.

Frankly, I generally find that the shy ones have more right to be arrogant than the arrogant ones.


_________________
Professionally diagnosed
Your Aspie score: 182 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 32 of 200
You are very likely an Aspie


vickygleitz
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Jul 2013
Age: 69
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,757
Location: pueblo colorado

31 Jul 2013, 11:06 am

I have 4 sons. The NT ones have had plenty of male friends and my autistic kids have also had male friends. I am the type of person who people tend to feel comfortable with sharing their sufferings and insecurities with. and guess what? Most guys, NT or autie, get turned down by females much more often than not.

I also have a daughter and a 15 year old granddaughter who are both NT. They are both incredibly physically beautiful, intelligent and have extraordinarily well developed social skills. When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would spend HOURS discussing the witty[spell that C R U E L] ways that they would turn down a guy. Now, over 20 years later, I hear my granddaughter doing the exact think with her friends. And guess what? Even when I explained the damage they could cause by their actions, they would laugh and tell me that they were just having fun and that if guys took it personally then they deserved to be hurt.

Of course when I have argued against that I am reminded that I am old and don't know how life is nowadays.

So, many girls and young women shoot down men for sport. The way many do it is terribly cruel but it is not personal and NT men suffer from it as well.

To the body builder; Many women might like to look at a body builders physique but most women would not want to date a man with a better body than they have. In addition, even among shallow people, body builders are often perceived as being TOO shallow and self absorbed. If you let your sweetness, and yes, your shyness out for people to see, you might find women more receptive. Whatever you do, do not show off by flexing unless they ask you to and do not talk about how much you lift, etc. or that will confirm to them that you are too self absorbed[ they want you to be absorbed in THEM and THEIR beauty]



wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

31 Jul 2013, 11:30 am

vickygleitz wrote:
I have 4 sons. The NT ones have had plenty of male friends and my autistic kids have also had male friends. I am the type of person who people tend to feel comfortable with sharing their sufferings and insecurities with. and guess what? Most guys, NT or autie, get turned down by females much more often than not.

I also have a daughter and a 15 year old granddaughter who are both NT. They are both incredibly physically beautiful, intelligent and have extraordinarily well developed social skills. When my daughter was younger, she and her friends would spend HOURS discussing the witty[spell that C R U E L] ways that they would turn down a guy. Now, over 20 years later, I hear my granddaughter doing the exact think with her friends. And guess what? Even when I explained the damage they could cause by their actions, they would laugh and tell me that they were just having fun and that if guys took it personally then they deserved to be hurt.

Of course when I have argued against that I am reminded that I am old and don't know how life is nowadays.

So, many girls and young women shoot down men for sport. The way many do it is terribly cruel but it is not personal and NT men suffer from it as well.

To the body builder; Many women might like to look at a body builders physique but most women would not want to date a man with a better body than they have. In addition, even among shallow people, body builders are often perceived as being TOO shallow and self absorbed. If you let your sweetness, and yes, your shyness out for people to see, you might find women more receptive. Whatever you do, do not show off by flexing unless they ask you to and do not talk about how much you lift, etc. or that will confirm to them that you are too self absorbed[ they want you to be absorbed in THEM and THEIR beauty]
lol i always keep my lifting to myself. i lift because i love the results and not for women. i doubt what you're saying is correct though bc doushey thugs always get girls. think im just not meant to get them.


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


FabianV
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 78
Location: Halifax, England

31 Jul 2013, 3:10 pm

dude, guys with a sense of entitlement never get any- any time i hear a guy say 'nice guys finish last' or 'only dicks get women' and mean it, I want to vomit. I'm a 21 year old virgin with a limited social life- am I happy about it? no. Do I whine about it? no. Do i pour scorn on others out of jealousy? no. Do I think women owe me sex? no. Being a b***h about not getting laid tends to lead to more of the same.



Misslizard
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jun 2012
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 20,481
Location: Aux Arcs

31 Jul 2013, 4:29 pm

My ex was not shy,later on he sure wasn't ,especially with the ladies.I would be more Interested in a shy man now,than someone who can talk people up.


_________________
I am the dust that dances in the light. - Rumi


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

31 Jul 2013, 5:19 pm

FabianV wrote:
dude, guys with a sense of entitlement never get any- any time i hear a guy say 'nice guys finish last' or 'only dicks get women' and mean it, I want to vomit. I'm a 21 year old virgin with a limited social life- am I happy about it? no. Do I whine about it? no. Do i pour scorn on others out of jealousy? no. Do I think women owe me sex? no. Being a b***h about not getting laid tends to lead to more of the same.


Welcome to the forum! Your attitude is a breath of fresh air around these parts :)


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


deluge1988
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

31 Jul 2013, 5:29 pm

OliveOilMom wrote:
You can't get one if you don't talk to her, and by that I mean actually talk and carry on a conversation and follow up on things with her. .


Which is exactly the darned problem with our ASD; the inability to to the above :evil:



deluge1988
Butterfly
Butterfly

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 17

31 Jul 2013, 5:31 pm

FabianV wrote:
dude, guys with a sense of entitlement never get any- any time i hear a guy say 'nice guys finish last' or 'only dicks get women' and mean it, I want to vomit. I'm a 21 year old virgin with a limited social life- am I happy about it? no. Do I whine about it? no. Do i pour scorn on others out of jealousy? no. Do I think women owe me sex? no. Being a b***h about not getting laid tends to lead to more of the same.


Oh, it will catch you off-guard some fine, fine day for sure. You too will become bitter because you're not getting laid indeed. Can't keep smiling like that forever boy.



BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

31 Jul 2013, 5:39 pm

deluge1988 wrote:
FabianV wrote:
dude, guys with a sense of entitlement never get any- any time i hear a guy say 'nice guys finish last' or 'only dicks get women' and mean it, I want to vomit. I'm a 21 year old virgin with a limited social life- am I happy about it? no. Do I whine about it? no. Do i pour scorn on others out of jealousy? no. Do I think women owe me sex? no. Being a b***h about not getting laid tends to lead to more of the same.


Oh, it will catch you off-guard some fine, fine day for sure. You too will become bitter because you're not getting laid indeed. Can't keep smiling like that forever boy.


Or more likely he'll get better at it and end up having a great time like the rest of us who stopped whining and actually did something :roll:


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


BenderRodriguez
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Feb 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,343

31 Jul 2013, 5:43 pm

Fnord wrote:
Misogynists don't deserve social lives.


I'm starting to think you might be one of the last rational men who still posts in this forum :lol:


_________________
"Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored." Aldous Huxley


wtfid2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Aug 2012
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,712
Location: usa

31 Jul 2013, 6:11 pm

BenderRodriguez wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Misogynists don't deserve social lives.


I'm starting to think you might be one of the last rational men who still posts in this forum :lol:
x2 8)


_________________
AQ 25

Your Aspie score: 101 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 111 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits


FabianV
Blue Jay
Blue Jay

User avatar

Joined: 10 Jul 2013
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 78
Location: Halifax, England

31 Jul 2013, 6:11 pm

Thanks man, loving the username/avatar by the way.



OliveOilMom
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere

31 Jul 2013, 7:10 pm

deluge1988 wrote:
OliveOilMom wrote:
You can't get one if you don't talk to her, and by that I mean actually talk and carry on a conversation and follow up on things with her. .


Which is exactly the darned problem with our ASD; the inability to to the above :evil:


Neither could I until I spent years practicing and learning to. Of course that's work and it's hard to learn and it means that you have to actually do something about it instead of waiting for the love fairy to drop something in your lap because you have been so lonely. I also had to change a lot of things about myself, and that was hard too. But it worked.

So, you can either work on yourself knowing it will take time and you will still get shot down a good bit but you will have at least a fighting chance, or you can sit home and blame everybody else because they don't want you and be bitter and just do without. Those are your options. Choose wisely.


_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com