Need help with trying to pick a girl up intelligently

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Ctrl_F4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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03 Oct 2013, 2:55 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Yes, all the time.

And it's not like I feel that I am socially inept.

I am socially inept. (I don't believe in AS , AS = socially ineptness label invented by psychiatrists)

Explains everything!

Yes, let's listen to dating advice from a socially inept and sexually frustrated virgin! Maybe I should stick around for the hilarity. :lol:

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Oct 2013, 2:58 am

Stalker, this is totally irrelevant to the discussion - yet I don't deny it.

Back to the cheating and loyalty topic.

Ctrl_F4
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

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03 Oct 2013, 3:00 am

Nah, that's boring. Let's hear more from you. Please, go on! :lol: :lol: :lol:

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Oct 2013, 3:03 am

I wonder why you felt I was being dick to you in the first place, my post wasn't insulting to you personally at all - I just happen to disagree with your theory of cheating as the sole reason for cheating.

Ctrl_F4
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03 Oct 2013, 3:04 am

:lol:

The_Face_of_Boo
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03 Oct 2013, 3:17 am

:lmao:

lost561
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03 Oct 2013, 7:16 am

Ctrl_F4 wrote:

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:

Ctrl_F4 wrote:

lost561 wrote:

Ctrl_F4 wrote:

the_alchemist, you nailed it. If she cheats on her partner with you, you have not done anything wrong. In fact, her partner failed to fulfill her needs. Women won't cheat if all her needs have been met. Why should a women stick with someone when she's unhappy? The rules that mainstream society imposes is madness.

If a man we're to cheat on a woman this wouldn't be the attitude. The man would be viewed as a scumbag.

It's not ok for either sex to cheat on their significant other in my book. Even if you are a woman.

Mainstream social standards are illogical, so judging people by them is as well. For example, when men have many partners, they are admired (if you don't agree, just look at how society idolizes James Bond), but when women have many partners, they are branded as sluts. This is a double-standard. "Slut" is actually a weapon used by women to use on other women (women are just as competitive as men), and sexually frustrated men have adopted it without even understanding the implications and meaning behind it, but it's a convenient rationalization for their failures.

When someone cheats on you, it means you were not a good partner. Blaming your inadequacies on your partner is an unhealthy coping mechanism. The healthy approach is to figure out where you failed short, and work to fix it. This is what taking responsibility is.

I have also never said it's okay to cheat. I have only said if they cheat with you, you are not at fault. The issue lies strictly with the partners. If you fulfill all her needs, there's nothing anyone can do to make your partner cheat. People who think that you have done something wrong is also saying that people don't have free will. Somehow, some people have the ability to mind control another person into cheating? Cheating is always a choice.

When cheating is involved, the cheated is always at fault because he/she failed to fulfill needs. The cheater is also at fault too if he/she failed to communicate unfulfilled needs. But if this was communicated, and the partner continues to fail to meet these needs, you've got a failed relationship, and the unfulfilled partner begins to feel trapped. That's how cheating starts.

A lot of this trapped feeling can be mitigated by not jumping so quickly into exclusive relationships (yes, there are non-exclusive relationships). There is a lot of illogical social pressure to rush into these things. It's best to take your time to get to learn someone so you get a better understanding of their expectations and whether you can meet them. As a man, you are also expected to lead (women will resent you if you don't), and that includes setting relationship expectations. Exclusivity should be reserved for that rare, special person. Most people too readily offer exclusivity to anyone who likes them back. No wonder there are so many unhappy/failed relationships out there--people are needy.

Again....

wtfizthat??

First of all, the are millions of reasons for cheating and it's not always the cheated's fault - sometimes the girl/guy is nymphomaniac and can't have enough from one partner, sometimes one partner is getting too busy traveling abroad or whatever, sometimes one partner got a sudden strong lust toward someone in specific, sometimes the cheater always had a fantasy type and her/his isn't of that type and suddenly someone of this type appears in his/her life (that's why I insist that for a couple to marry each other they HAVE to see each other more attractive than any fantasies).

Second, no man can fulfill 100% a woman's needs, there will always be one or two shortcomings here and there, sometimes periodically, perfection is impossible - if a woman would jump on another man's dick at the moment her partner fails to fulfill 100% of her needs then all women in relationships would cheat one day - and this is simply untrue.

There are these bonds you forget called 'love' and loyalty, which make partners overlook the flaws.

Please, press Ctrl F4.

Look, I know you have Asperger's like we all do, but that doesn't entitle you to be a dick. Learn some manners. I've been civil all this time, but you're taking advantage of my good graces. So you know what? Say what you want, virgin loser. You're clearly more interested in putting me down than in intelligent discussion.

To everyone else, this guy is clearly sexually frustrated. He just contradicted himself by admitting that a girl could cheat if she "can't have enough from one partner." That's a perfect example of not fulfilling needs!

And how does this chump know no man can fulfill 100% a woman's needs? He projects his failure on others; assumes that because he failed, every man will as well?

Sorry, but there's just so much negativity on these boards, it's so difficult for me to remain calm and patient. It's like these boards are more of a support/validation group and circle jerk rather than to actually encourage each other to grow. This place is toxic. Too much negativity will rub off on you. Someone please tell me it's not always like this. And you know what I dislike about some aspies? They think AS automatically makes them smart. No, AS just makes it easy for you to focus intensely on a topic. Aspies only develop great intelligence when they focus on topics that foster great intelligence.

Sheesh, unbelievable. The blind leading the blind.

If you are talking about me you are very wrong.

Also, if you are married or even just dating somebody and you are going to cheat you should have gone through the motions of 1. Telling the other person what needs weren't being met. Multiple times. 2. Just broken up with that person. If your going to cheat on that person than there's no point to stick around.

I don't think any woman would appreciate being cheated on, and I don't see why you seem to think its ok for either sex to cheat. That's just wrong.

Codyrules37
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03 Oct 2013, 8:12 am

just say according to my calculations everytime you say something logical. that sounds intelligent

octobertiger
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03 Oct 2013, 11:51 am

Well, I've now learned what ctrl and f4 does. So, I've gained considerably from this thread.

Anybody else learn anything? Nah, didn't think so.

Ctrl_F4
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04 Oct 2013, 2:28 am

lost, I was talking about The_Face_of_Boo.

And you're arguing a straw man. Who is at fault and doing what's right are NOT the same thing. Everyone's knee jerk reaction is a result of being too quick to defend and not taking a breath and trying to understand the argument.

The_Face_of_Boo
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04 Oct 2013, 2:38 am

the_alchemist wrote:

im going to treat her like forbidden fruit i probably can't have. say i read her signals that she's interested, then i need to talk to her and my social skills need work. my only option is to put as little effort as possible into it

Make sure next time to bow on knees before her while hands up then lay your hands and your front on ground, repeat that in motion.

Delphiki
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04 Oct 2013, 2:52 am

The intelligent way to pick a girl up:

Plan ahead before lifting.
Knowing what you're doing and where you're going will prevent you from making awkward movements while holding someone heavy. Clear a path, and if lifting something with another person, make sure both of you agree on the plan.

Lift close to your body.
You will be a stronger, and more stable lifter if she is held close to your body rather than at the end of your reach. Make sure you have a firm hold on her before you are lifting, and keep her balanced close to your body.

Feet shoulder width apart.
A solid base of support is important while lifting. Holding your feet too close together will be unstable, too far apart will hinder movement. Keep the feet about shoulder width apart and take short steps.

Bend your knees and keep your back straight.
Practice the lifting motion before you lift her, and think about your motion before you lift. Focus on keeping you spine straight--raise and lower to the ground by bending your knees.

Tighten your stomach muscles.
Tightening your abdominal muscles will hold your back in a good lifting position and will help prevent excessive force on the spine.

Lift with your legs.
Your legs are many times stronger than your back muscles--let your strength work in your favor. Again, lower to the ground by bending your knees, not your back. Keeping your eyes focused upwards helps to keep your back straight.

If you're straining, get help.
If she is too heavy, or awkward in shape, make sure you have someone around who can help you lift.

_________________
Well you can go with that if you want.

Vigilans
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04 Oct 2013, 9:44 am

Delphiki wrote:

Do you even lift

_________________
Opportunities multiply as they are seized. -Sun Tzu
Nature creates few men brave, industry and training makes many -Machiavelli
You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do

aspiemike
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04 Oct 2013, 9:52 am

Cheating is ok? Not for me. Depending on who you ask, I apparently have cheated. The irony of this is that it was with a person who also cheated. I ended up without a date after this whole ordeal, the others didn't. I ended up finding out that the other cheater was unhappy with the relationship, but didn't want to leave either. I wanted my partner, but she no longer wanted me. I was too exhausted at the time the conversations took place to end what happened between everyone that I just let them say what they wanted and assume what they wanted and leave.

That being said... I wonder what would have happened if I didn't come clean to the girl I was dating. I was pretty unhappy with myself for having broken two of my boundaries by doing what I did. (1. Don't cheat, and 2. Don't hook up with someone who has a boyfriend). The cheater questioned my decision to come clean as well.

Codyrules37
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04 Oct 2013, 1:56 pm

how about dont hit on women? ur not supposed to hit girls anyways

elkclan
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05 Oct 2013, 1:18 am

Hey OP...

NT girl here...

The whole work thing....ewwwww. Especially in a pharmacy. But stranger things have happened at sea. Proceed with caution. I know it's not exactly like a doctor's office, but they may have adopted some of the ethics around fraternising with customers. Plus she'll be worried about spending too much time with you if others need serving.

Those who have advised asking her how her day is going is great. Getting chatting to her. Find out about her. Establish a rapport. If it's not time to pick up meds, get some over the counter stuff as others have suggested. But don't let it drag out too long. At some point you'll have to make the bold move and ask her out, but it would be easier if you have some idea of her interests.

Cheesy lines do sometimes work, but for me - they only work if delivered kind of knowingly and ironically.

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