Dealing with Awkward feelings

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I recently started university to pursue the things I want. This meant moving away from my home town and trying to make it in a city. I've never liked cities but I have to try to deal with it. I still work some weekends as an autism support worker, a job I love. This gives me the chance to see my family and friends on these occasions. Often I still feel lonely and unliked, mainly because I've struggled to make friends outside my dorm. This is partly my own fault, since I've spent every weekend bar one away, but also because of my social awkwardness. I'm sure most of you understand how difficult it is to initiate and continue conversations with complete strangers. I also have been told I come off as standoffish, which upsets me as that is the opposite of what I am. I'm working on dealing with this but it's a slow process.

There's this guy I really like. He's Brazilian, a civil engineer (3rd year), really intelligent and really compassionate. He lives with me as well as nine other people. Except, lately my feelings have progressed from friendship. I seem to have a habit of finding men that are 'bad' for me attractive, which I blame on past abuse. I am aware of this and never act on it, and so far I've never been proven wrong. However, this guy is bad for me for the wrong reason. We live together. I can't stop thinking about him, and it's driving me crazy. I find myself wanting to spend time in his company, but only as 'friends', as I can't tell him how I feel. We get on really well and our discussions can last for hours. As far as I am aware he has no clue (the language barrier helps a great deal as well). I also have an extremely high sex drive, which I manage at the moment. I refuse to have one night stands as I find the idea of meaningless sex abhorrent. This however has left me without even having a kiss for a significant period. This doesn't help the situation. I don't feel I can tell him, as the situation is far too awkward, but I'm going nuts trying to suppress these feelings.

I don't know what I'm asking really. Any advice would be appreciated. I feel like I'm backed up into a wall and I cried through frustration last night, something I haven't done in a good couple of years.

You're pulling yourself in different directions. You want something contrary to a fundamental belief about 'meaningless sex'.

Would sex with him be meaningless? It is you who attaches (and unattaches) the meaning.

You need to allow yourself to choose one road or another, and not make a lose-lose situation from this decision, or...

If you don't know what to do...do nothing. Nothing at all. Sit in the crossroads, but don't beat yourself up for doing it. And whatever should happen, will happen.

^^^Great Advice.

I cannot have sex without having complete trust -cliché I know, but I physically clam up and have flashbacks. Obviously pursuing a relationship with someone you live with is not ideal, so I suppose I'll just have to ignore it all. I wish I had a switch for my sexuality sometimes, it would make life so much easier!

Maybe you do have a switch, you just haven't found it yet - or given yourself permission to activate it. AHA - now that's the question - IF you had this switch (and you do), would you give yourself permission to press it?

If you had a switch, where would it be, what colour...oh sorry, I'm off duty!

Look, I have no idea about 'you'. All I know is that people limit themselves, they say they can't do this or that...and then it's amazing how quickly the walls can come down. Of course, I'm sure that you're different. Everyone says they are - but that's not true.

Think about what payoff you could get from behaving the way that you do on this issue.

Just suggesting...

and this 'not ideal'...well, when the hell IS it ideal?

Do you know what I find hilarious, many people come asking for advice, but they already know what they're going to do anyway.

Hang on, what was the first thing you said?