How to use OKCupid (from an actual success story.)

Post Reply New Topic

[quote="octobertiger" It would probably break a man's heart getting close to you?[/quote]

Seriously?

A carbon copy isn't necessary but it definitley is nice to date someone of a similiar temperment.

Seriously?[/quote]

No. I don't know. I've no idea.

Any tips on how to figure this out from someone's OKC profile and maybe a few e-exchanges?



(@octobertiger - we mustn't derail this thread with personal exchanges )

You don't. That's what the dates are supposed to do.

Also, being capable of recognizing such compatibility requires both parties being authentic.

well I have to agree with Geekonychus.

It's not really a carbon copy but an inverse of each other that seems to work.

INTP => ESFJ
INTJ => ESFP

at first it looks like just reversing the letters, but if we take a closer look we will find that
INTP: Ti Ne Si Fe
ESFJ: Fe Si Ne Ti

Ti -> Introverted Thinker
Ne -> Extroverted Intuition
Si -> Introverted Sensing
Fe -> Extroverted Feeling

<dominating function> <secondary> <tertiary> <auxiliary>

isn't that just dandy? something similar happens with with INTJ and ESFP.

INTJ: Ni Te Fi Se
ESFP: Se Fi Te Ni

INTPs and INTJs will always clash because we inherently think different as you can see. The INTP thinks with introverted thinking and is the dominant function. INTJs use Introverted Intuition as a dominant function. Completely different. Also Fe and Fi clash most of the time.

I've found the opposite works for me. I have a hell of a temper (once I get started) and my best relationships have been with people who are easygoing and can balance it out.

If you're quite calm I can see the advantages of wanting someone calm. But I'm not sure it would work in a hard and fast way as a rule.

...What the f**k just happened? :3

[quote="equestriatola"][/quote]
*puzzled* Why would you post in a thread if you don't want the OP to respond?

Agreed. Don't post in his thread if you got issues.

Personal drama. Not worth elaborating on here.

I can attest to this personally. I just had it happen (again).

Even if they think you're "hot", as it were -- or even if they're sufficiently infatuated to call you "beautiful" and want to get into your pants -- if you have the tiniest hint of a communication or organizational problem, because those are foundational skills for sustaining all kinds of relationships, men won't stay around for a full-on relationship.

Because we've been socialized and acculturated, in most Western societies, to have women carrying the primary burden of emotional labor when it comes to sustaining social relationships. So when a woman -- quite reasonably, imo -- asks a man to do his half, because she can't do the whole thing, but men are (however invisibly) accustomed to and invested in women carrying 100% of that burden, even when they don't realize that's their expectation of the woman in question ... *shrug*

As The Roots say, "Things Fall Apart".

Yeah, I guess they see you as defective without those emotional skills, if you aren't *** 10 OMG GaBE-U-TEE-FULL 10 ***

Don't listen to ordinary fellas, they tend to denigrate woman. I can't talk to any normal dude for dating advice without it causing me to feel a little hatred toward women, and I don't like that. It's like male propaganda.

I hear the same old crap too, from every one.

BE A MAN!

They tell me to lie, exaggerate, flex my muscles and pretend to be cool.

All that macho peacock BS that just makes me yawn.

I can only be me, sorry.

I do this stuff and yet everyone who has messaged me back has eventually stopped replying. I have great conversations but they're always one off. Why won't people keep getting to know me?

Could be any number of things really. Maybe something you said in your profile that's turning people away. Maybe your messages aren't engaging enough. How do you usually initiate contact?

Energetic greeting, reference something directly from their profile, joke if I can think of one. I've had very long conversations, though. At one point I had a conversation where we each made a series of 5 paragraph or so replies based on my first attempt about a series of interests we had in common.

When I have conversations they seem to go well and then everything kind of hangs there until I lose my belief that they really want to get back to me.