Is it me or an Aspie trait??

Post Reply New Topic

I have never enjoyed doing the whole "couple" or "association" thing, whether it is sharing a social circle at school with my brother, having an affinity with a group of friends outside of a planned activity be it because we're work colleagues or part of a sport club - or more troublemaking, being a couple.

The whole association thing with another human being is very distasteful to me. I don't like going and doing things as a couple more preferring I do my thing, she does her thing etc. This isn't the choice for most women who are with me as they just want to go out and show everyone that we're together (strangers or friends) and I appreciate this, feeling somewhat guilty that I prefer my own setting or standing.

Plus NT's find people who keep themselves to themselves weird.

Can anyone else shed some light on the subject?

Sounds like an Aspie trait to me...BUT... I'm not here to comment on that, but rather on the whole couples thing. That is something that has been VERY important to me and something missing from my marriage. I'm very independent so I am able to go and do my own thing and I've now given up on my marriage so of course I go and do my own thing, but there was a time when I was desperate to do *some* couples socialising.

If you value the relationship then you need to value some of the social interaction which your partner would like to have. It isn't simply about 'showing off' it's about entry into another social circle. When we couple - we tend to have to move on from single friends who are interested in pursuing a mate to couples friends who have established relationships and the boundaries are well understood.

Anyway, I've never had it and I'd really like to. It was one of the things that I took to marriage counselling with me. But like some of the other issues it wasn't something that he wanted to work on.

Well you like doing your own thing, I think that's a bloke thing as much as anything else. I don't know about the association thing but there's a more practical reason to keep your social circle to yourself and that is making sure your relationship is not the subject of gossip or interference. It's just too much trouble to have a public facing relationship. Be nice to their friends when you do see them else they may complain about you constantly if they take a dislike to you, it's happened to me that way so I wouldn't really go out of your way or feeling guilty over what is usually not a good thing.

Thank you both for your replies - I don't have an active social circle. I have a handful of friends who are scattered across the country and catchup with them on occasion.

Where she is excited about the prospect of meeting new people and having conversation, I do not. I find very few people easy to get on with, or even interesting to a point and I almost find it impossible not to say something that makes others feel uncomfortable.

The psychiatrist who did my assessment informed me that is is all about the "context" and that most of my interactions are learned and I have little )or none) intuitive skills, the only social interactions I am comfortable with are those where I have a clear understanding of what is going to happen and that I can successfully evade having to rely on social intuition.

As I've been made to understand, it's definitely and Asperger's trait. I know from experience and our many fights and arguments, that my boyfriend loathes the idea of relating to me or sympathizing with me, which can be incredibly hurtful.

But speaking as an individual, I'm considered an NT, apparently, and although I can relate to people easily, I prefer being alone. I keep to myself, in fact, not even my closest family members know me all that well. Only what I show on the surface.

There's a reason why people say "ignorace is bliss". There are things that you'd rather not know about people and to me, I'd rather not relate to people sometimes.

Well in that case, you're not likely to dive right in and meet her friends straight away anyway, so let it happen "organically". Ideally try to get her to understand that it's not the same thing for you. It's better it's not like a big thing anyway, you don't need to be on best terms with her top dozen or so best friends all in one night, that'd be crazy. If you end up making friends with one or two of her friends later then that's probably a good thing, but having a huge circle.. well, like I say, I think it's too much trouble.