Aspergers relationship breakup

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Surprise! You are getting a reply. Remember the old saying "If you love someone, let her go. If she returns, she is yours, if she doesn't, she never was.

BTW I thought that I was the only one who used the term NT.

My GF returned when I had least expected it and had already moved on emotionally. She had to win me[b] back little by little.

You seem a bit obsessed as more time has passed since your brake-up than the time you were together. I would suggest not making any more efforts to contact her even if my chance you were to discover a way to do so. Perhaps finding a new obsession could help you move on.[/quote]

Thanks for the reply -- much appreciated!

In answer to your initial 'meltdown' question, I simply couldn't cope with all the sudden changes involved in moving in with someone and panicked. I told her it was over and I was going back to my place, which I regarded as safety. Her friends and family appear to have advised her to break contact but ultimately it was her decision.

You're right -- I am still a bit obsessed. The relationship was easily the most intense I'd ever experienced and we were genuinely in love. Her correspondence immediately after the break-up stated that very clearly and I already knew it myself when we were together.
I've discussed it with a couple of (female) NT friends and 'not getting over' a partner is by no means purely an Aspie thing. One of them is still pining for her BF two years on (the relationship lasted less than a year).
I haven't made any attempt at contact in over two months and have tried everything including dating others, working harder and even counselling.
In the absence of her returning, which I know is very unlikely by this stage, there's little more I can do. Ultimately if I do meet someone else I 'click' with, I need to be honest with them about my AS (to be honest I hadn't realised it could destroy a relationship so completely) and let them decide if the pluses (and there definitely ARE pluses) are worth the minuses.

Again thanks for the reply.

For all the people on the Aspie/doing the breakup side, is there any chance that he'll want to get back together? He's extremely stubborn and narrow-minded and know once he's made a decision, he's made it. We discussed getting him into therapy which he was on board for but we never made it - and now we're not together and I'm in pieces.

To the previous poster. Many men diagnosed with aspergers have many unresolved issues from the past. I believe this forum will prove this, as well as other subforums on this site. You may notice that many women on here deal with unresolved issues as well.

Many of us at one point or another were told that our feelings didn't matter by the people that we loved most. This can be a very devastating thing to have to deal with. Now also consider that in my experience that my parents didn't often make requests with me... They made demands. I was resentful with them for it. But i got over it.

There are certain things that may have happened in your partners past that may have made him feel unloved and unworthy of love. He may have felt like he won't be approved. Now when a good woman comes along and shows him love and he shows it back, he may become resentful, cold and distant the next day. This is not aspergers. This is unresolved feelings from the past. We may end up mistaking this as being aspergers.

When love comes into play, unresolved feelings may come into the picture as well. His unresolved feelings likely have nothing to do with you. However, his inability to deal with them will likely have something to do with how he expresses himself.

As for yourself. Do your very best to understand what happened. Do your very best to move forward and deal with these issues when they pop up.

Would you be able to give an example of a wrong thing being said?

I don't know if I can help much about the differing opinions on certain topics. It is possible that he just doesn't understand how to be supportive and listen when you need him too. I hope I'm wrong about that part though.

If I had to guess. Extremely different political views may include different religious views. Many people feel that a radical different view on these things will make for a problematic relationship.

If he were to suddenly break up like that, it would have to do with some sort of resentment being built up over time and him not expressing himself appropriately.

Something tells me the communication issue though was the real problem. You're absolutely right that it could have been worked on. I have a feeling the impulsive decision will be something he comes to regret. He won't apologize because he will fear that you will never forgive him for it. That is the part that is being a man. The impulse was a fight or flight response in my opinion. He likely knows he messed up.

Yeah. He needs to come to you. That much is for sure. I'm afraid that if you message him, he might not reply in a kind or loving manner. Im hoping that you aren't dwelling on this too much and are getting out and doing something that makes you happy at least

i have had 2 periods of long term no contact with my aspie. one for 8 months, one for 12 months. now, we're hanging out again as if the last 12 months just flew by without any hurt feelings. he just lets go of me when he's stressed/angry and deletes me and then just comes back to being affectionate and loving when he's ready. it's a yo-yo ride for sure but we can't seem to just break apart and never see each other again. it was 8 months off, 4-5 very intense months on, 12 months off and now 1 month back on. who knows. we both agreed that being in each other's lives is difficult but being apart is worse.