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How do I stop women from taking advantage of me?

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savvyidentity
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11 Jan 2014, 2:59 pm

aspiemike wrote:
Nick007, that strategy of "hard to get" usually never works on a polite or sincere type of person. The reason why IMO is these people would fear coming off as desperate or needy, and it goes against the rules they might have for themselves.

OP. if you feel you are being taken advantage of (and this is advice I have seen on the POF forums before as well, but was referred to as "fixing your broken pickers"), try the following:

1. Look at your experience with dating and asking girls out, and what you're attracted to
2. Have you met them face to face beforehand or not? Where do you usually meet them?
3. For those you have met, what did you notice about them? What attracted you to them?
4. What do these girls do to turn you off?
5. What can I do to avoid having these bad feelings moving forward?
6. What kind of girls do I not want to date?
7. What have I said to or done, and what can I do to improve myself? (this question cannot be forgotten about, but remember that you can't accept the blame for what happens beyond your control. You are living and learning.)

Write it down on your own if you need to.


It's true sincere people would actually rather just get to know you at their own pace. The disturbing thing is most people are playing games of one kind or another.

I think regarding POF as a place thriving with bad pickers would be a good attitude - since it's free it tends to attract women who are not taking it seriously at all, just want attention, or who've had a string of bad relationships which they completely blame someone else for. There may be genuine women there, but I think most of those women are long term single because of how they treat men in their lives - they're outwardly rude, antagonistic, and condescending on their profiles. I'm an optimist though, so I believe it's possible there are genuine women there, but it's better to err on the side of caution - as always, but I think more so with free dating sites.



crackedfighter
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13 Jan 2014, 3:21 pm

savvyidentity wrote:
crackedfighter wrote:
It takes a lot of luck to find a day when we're both free. Some people have 2 jobs. It generally takes 2 weeks minimum to set a date. These days, I give them a month before I stop calling.


Some women will set dates later on purpose - this is done with the idea that creating this distance will make you more interested, and ensure they find men who are patient and ready to work hard and settle down for something more long-term. I'm careful of women like this because I think they're trying to make me 'work harder' or worse condition me to behave a certain way.

I just don't think it makes sense to expect a woman to coincidentally have a day off in common with me in just one week. I think one month is quite reasonable.

Quote:
crackedfighter wrote:
I've never known a woman to reschedule without a good reason, but I'll remember to take this advice if she pulls some other stunt.


Well that's the thing. Often good reasons turn out to be cock-and-bull stories, and the more you hear them and realize they are common the more you start to suspect they're not genuine reasons.

Well, maybe I got lucky, because the only time I ever had a woman reschedule was when there was a tornado warning, and we went out the following week. That was the "one date" I mentioned earlier.

Quote:
Sorry for replying to this late, I just thought the perspective would be useful.

That's ok. It takes me a long time to write about a subject this complex.



OliveOilMom
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13 Jan 2014, 3:41 pm

How is it taking advantage of you to tell you that she will go out with you but put off the day she is actually going to go? Do you buy her stuff during this time? Do you stop talking to other girls during this time?

I don't see any advantage that she's getting from that. That's just being indecisive, not taking advantage.


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I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA. ;-)

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com


crackedfighter
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15 Jan 2014, 3:55 am

OliveOilMom wrote:
How is it taking advantage of you to tell you that she will go out with you but put off the day she is actually going to go? Do you buy her stuff during this time? Do you stop talking to other girls during this time?

Up until 2 years ago, I *did* stop talking to other women. Nobody ever told me it was ok to chase multiple women at once. I learned that the hard way when a woman got my hopes up really bad and then friend-zoned me. Even when I am asking out multiple women, that means I have to spend time figuring out how talk to each one of them without getting a chance to get to know them, so it's a significant trade-off. Either way, women who claim they'll go out with me take up a lot of my time and energy.

OliveOilMom wrote:
I don't see any advantage that she's getting from that. That's just being indecisive, not taking advantage.

When I'm indecisive, people get pissed at me. From what I've seen, people are generally not allowed to make others wait for a decision, so I can't really accept that as an excuse.

I can't tell you the exact advantage that women get from leading guys on, but when they're that inconsidarate so often, there must be a reason for it. Maybe they like being asked out because it lets them know they're hot. That would explain why they do everything in their power to encourage me when they're not interested.