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Jamesy
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12 Jan 2014, 11:49 am

Why are women treated with so much more courtesy and politeness than us men?

Us men are people with feelings too :(



DarkRain
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12 Jan 2014, 1:07 pm

It's called "chivalry".



Jamesy
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12 Jan 2014, 2:39 pm

DarkRain wrote:
It's called "chivalry".



f**k that more like sexism/favouritism.



justkillingtime
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12 Jan 2014, 2:57 pm

I believe it originated in the dark ages before the age of enlightenment. It is interesting it did not fade away.


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Khoma
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12 Jan 2014, 3:12 pm

I have no idea how we came to be in a society where men are not allowed feelings and where young boys are routinely told to man up or grow some balls. But I'm not a fan of it.



coffeebean
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12 Jan 2014, 8:34 pm

Jamesy wrote:
DarkRain wrote:
It's called "chivalry".


f**k that more like sexism/favouritism.


Not a fan of it myself for a number of reasons. Most telling is the fact there are many people who need special consideration and aid more than I as a woman do. They’re called children, the homeless, the sick, and the suffering. Choosing to give it to me based on my sex and thinking of oneself as noble for it says a lot about one's sense of honor and kindness...



catwhisperer
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13 Jan 2014, 1:22 pm

A lot of theories on this out there...if you look cross culturally, some cultures will have a certain sector of the population show deference in public to another sector, but then the roles are often switched around at home. So while the man might hold the door or pull out the chair for the woman in public, she is then expected to wait on him and obey him at home.



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13 Jan 2014, 5:46 pm

There's a relevant phenomena called benevolent sexism, a subsection of this: ambivalent sexism

The gist is that some forms of sexism reinforce the idea that the genders are so fundamentally different that certain forms of treatment are called for by the fundamental differences in the genders. Men are supposed to be less capable of having or expressing emotions. Because of this, men are called on and taught to suppress most of their emotions (anger, revenge, gloating or sexual pleasure appear to be the exceptions). If men defy this set of social requirements, they suffer punishment, ranging from teasing and/or bullying to potentially being killed.

The interesting thing about benevolent sexism is that it appears to be positive (affirming one's gender identity and/or offering comforting routines for dealing with life events) or even sometimes complimentary. In some ways, that's why it sucks the most--it looks like you're being complemented for some strength, but the converse (eg not showing that strength) is almost always punished.


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jugbandblues
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15 Jan 2014, 8:38 am

I believe it started at a time where women were tought to be weaker, more sensible and less intelligent than men, and therefore needed to be protected and couldn't do things by themselves (except for the cooking and raising children part). You might think it's favoritism FOR women, but I think it started with the idea that we were weak and that "chivalry" just conveys (word-to-word translation from french, hope you get the idea) that stereotype. I don't think I ever expected a special treatment in a relationship or at a job.. And I find it quite awkward when guys hold the door for me with that wierd smile saying "you must think I'm suuuuch a nice guy" or whatever.....

Also, stereotypes go in both ways, and I'm often criticized for being less polite/sensible/empathic/well-dressed/princess than most girls (which are Aspie traits anyways, but I think that looking messy is more criticized for a girl... might be wrong tough). I already had a job where people talked behind my back for being "manly" 'cause I carried heavy boxes (which was part of my job) instead of asking my male colleagues to do it -_-' .


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Wafflemarine
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15 Jan 2014, 10:04 am

My family was always bad for this, got all brothers and mostly male cousins and being told to toughen up is the main form of support.

I think people make most of their problems because of assumptions, they think not showing emotions means a guy is in control of himself and stable even though it tends to create the opposite. Just another way people create more problems by trying to think of ways to put less thought into life.


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Geekonychus
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15 Jan 2014, 10:39 am

I don't give women special treatment. Chivalry does neither gender any favors. There's no need for it when you believe in the golden rule.



nick007
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16 Jan 2014, 3:25 am

Khoma wrote:
I have no idea how we came to be in a society where men are not allowed feelings and where young boys are routinely told to man up or grow some balls. But I'm not a fan of it.
Because of stereotyping based on hormone differences between the sexes. Men are more aggressive due to testosterone & women are more emotional due to estrogen.


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Who_Am_I
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16 Jan 2014, 4:08 am

Because men get the tradeoff off being taken more seriously and being seen as actual adult people.


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thewhitrbbit
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16 Jan 2014, 11:34 am

I don't think anyone is saying men aren't allowed to have feelings. It is true that men have a higher threshold for when they can show their feelings, but they can have them. I've seen plenty of situations were men have cried and no one has looked down on them.

Men used to be respectful to each other as well; it was called being a gentleman.



cavernio
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16 Jan 2014, 1:24 pm

I dunno but I think because I'm a woman who is attracted to men I'm more likely to be nicer to and think better of men. I kinda think of chivalry as the same thing. *shrug*

If I'm the way most women are too, then this has nothing to do with sexism and everything to do with attraction, and this whole conversation has obviously been started from a masculine viewpoint.


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jerry00
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16 Jan 2014, 3:09 pm

Men aren't allowed to complain. The implication is you either find a way to improve things or shut up. But occasionally all we really need is a small amount of sympathy.