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Aspie Partner's Anger Management Issues

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Crazygirl79
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Age: 45
Gender: Female
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Location: Australia

17 Jan 2014, 11:52 pm

I know my situation much better than you do so please stop making generalised statements and judgements because they are very unhelpful to me at this point and it's no longer necessary or appropriate for anyone to be giving this type of advice.

I have stated that I'm choosing to stay with my partner and work this out so any advice of this sort is now unwanted and unwelcome.

A person has a right to be given a chance to work on their issues and prove themselves, we all make mistakes including yourself, we have all wronged somebody at some point, we have all impacted somebody's life at some point yet we expect people to forgive and get over it but when they do something to us it seems to be a case of double standards.

I cannot believe how judgemental some people really are, even when someone is taking the steps to get help they still get judged and in all honesty you are not qualified to say or even imply that he is dangerous when you don't even know him and know very little about my situation other than what I've mentioned in this thread...

I am really pissed off now and I honestly regret starting this thread....seriously!!

S....

tarantella64 wrote:
Hon, it doesn't matter what his intentions are. You're living with a man who can't control himself reliably and is now struggling not to hit you. That's a dangerous situation and you have no idea when it might turn seriously dangerous, in part because he doesn't know, either.

You need to stop kidding yourself about how much persuasive power you have in this situation, and recognize that regardless of how much you two may love each other, it's simply too dangerous for you to stay. You can skype, you can talk on the phone, you can be together in public, but unless he turns into a person who finds it inconceivable to hit people just because he's angry, he's too dangerous for you to be around him.

When people say "you deserve better than this", by the way, it's true. They're not saying he's a bad person; they're saying you should have, and should assume you will get, much better treatment.

Please get out of there. You do not have to discuss it with him first, and it isn't disloyal of you or a betrayal for you to simply go.



tarantella64
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18 Jan 2014, 11:41 am

Please don't misunderstand -- it's not about judgment, or about mistakes and forgiveness: it's about safety. And no, if I could not control my anger/frustration well enough to keep my boyfriend or daughter safe around me, I'd tell my boyfriend to go and look for a safer situation for my daughter (hopefully before CPS did it for me). That'd be true regardless of the form of abuse, and it's because I love them.

In the end, what all the people on the thread are trying to tell you is that you are important. You go on and on about him and his problems...but you are also important. It's easy, but not wise, to forget about your own needs (or imagine there aren't any) in the course of trying to help someone you love.