I don't understand. Thoughts?

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She's just not that into you.

That's harsh! Have some respect?

That is the approach I took and it worked well for me. My experience has been that, until meeting face/face, neither I nor the other party really know the extent of our interest in one another.

So I always try to arrange a casual coffee-meet as soon as possible. As a result of that meeting I might lose interest in them, or the other person might lose interest in me. I try to keep a mental attitude of "No Harm, No Foul" toward such meetings and whatever decisions might come from it.

From another thread yet still applicable here, guys you should stick this in your minds:

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 16 Jan 2014, 3:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am sorry if I offended you. A guy wrote a book called "He's just not that into you", targeted at women. It sold millions of copies and they made a movie of the same name. I didn't realise it was harsh to say it the other way around.

Thanks for this! Makes sense. I'm not out there to wow people. I'm there to be myself. I've learnt a few things the hard way. Is dating for me? No it's not. Are dating websites for me? Nope. My longest relationship developed from friendship and that's the way I like it. You get hurt less. Well now I know in future not to be some clown and impress somebody to the heights when really that's not what I'm here for, more here to find one that likes me for who I am, aside from any imperfections. Life goes on.

Man, I can totally relate because I lived similar experiences, I once kept contact with a 32-years old woman for about 6-7 months (and she did the initiation), things progressed slowly since she was kinda reserved in revealing personal info but in the last 2 months before the meet up she showed increasing interest: She kept initiating texts every morning and every night, saying good morning and stuff, replying quickly to my messages, and things went slightly intimate via text/voice. She even showed some jealousy signs like when she sees me online on whatsapp and don't initiate with her or replies her quickly she goes like "with who you are chatting with?".

The first date was a simple coffee one and little walk on the sea side, nothing went wrong, we just talked of various things like we did online, I didn't do or say anything stupid, I didn't try to touch her or be too forward, nor I lied in anything in my profile (and yes, even my height) and of course I didn't talk about clash subjects like religion and politics, she was smiling all the time and giggled few times during the date.
I liked her in person the same way I liked her on paper (online).

The next day she totally stopped her usual behavior, no more good morning/nights, no more initiations, replies after hours, no more caring when i am online.... I quickly knew within 2 days that she no longer interested. I did ask her why this sudden change and she said the typical "let's just be friends" bs.

Look, my theory above about the women on dating site is VERY TRUE , I've already saw a hundred similar cases online, and it's often the one who's complaining of this sudden change after first date is the MALE , very rarely the female.

Women/girls on dating sites, regardless of their ages, only base their decision to proceed with someone on this "magical spark" on first date, regardless of any bond was built before online and regardless of the potential bond that can be developed offline later on with time, all the long time of sharing thoughts/secrets/caring and the personal bond built online doesn't change the outcome of this "spark" on the first date.
Men are usually not like this, when they like a woman after a bond built online, they will basically like her offline too.

It's because of this particular woman (and few others before) that I have set a strict rule for online dating, the rule logic reads: "If you are not willing to meet me within one or two weeks after constant online communication then f**k off (of course I don't word it like his), no matter how great and compatible you sound on paper", I have cut off and refused to continue with handful of women on dating sites because they said they needed "at least few months" before meeting up in person, despite that few of them insisted to stay in contact and give them more time.

I no longer want to waste months and months of my time over nothing.

And every guy using a dating service must adopt a such logic.

Are you sure? I don't think it's gender specific. I've experienced it several times and I'm female.

PP has a good point about the "spark" thing. I wouldn't go so far as to say that men aren't hung up on that too, though.

You'll probably never know what turned this particular girl off. But seriously, don't beat yourself up that it didn't work out. I think you're supposed to go out on something like 10-15 dates with different people on those online sites before you can expect to meet someone for a lasting relationship.

Also, I think you should consider that she could have been turned off by something you can't help. I had a date once with a guy who looked like my adult nephew. I hadn't noticed it until the date. I thought he just looked kind of familiar. When I realized he looked like my nephew it grossed me out. Not his fault. I just told him I didn't think it would work out and that was that. Another time I got really irritated by a guy's mustache, which was TOO PERFECTLY GROOMED. Again, this was my problem, not his, so I didn't talk to him about it. To me, that would be like if a guy told me he wasn't into me because I was too thin or heavy. It's hurtful.

Get back out there and keep looking!

Those are ridiculous reasons to be turned off, unbelievable.

Did you tell the guys why you lost interest? Or did you leave them wondering? They probably thought of bigger reasons while they were about mustache and relative lookalike.

And PP? o.O

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 18 Jan 2014, 5:35 am, edited 1 time in total.

It could have been anything, possibly something beyond your control. ie maybe she didn't like the sound of your voice, or your scent, or your height/build, or the way you walk, your haircut, the colour of your eyes/teeth etc.

Everyone has their type and the things that either turn them on or turn them off. There's a chance there was some thing about you that was a turn off for her. Could be some aesthetic thing that you can't change, so there's no point in stressing about it.

You've mentioned a lack of confidence. That could have come through in things you said or your body language and that may have been a turn off for her.

Could be your occupation, financial/socioeconomic status, interests & values.. any number of infinite possibilities.

It would be nice if she would give you some constructive feedback, though. I feel ya on that. Have you tried bluntly asking her for her blunt feedback as to what it is that makes you not a match for her? who knows, maybe she'd respond to that and tell you. If she doesn't, oh well, at least you'll have asked and tried to solicit some constructive criticism so you can focus on the things about yourself that others find unappealing/unattractive.

No, I've never asked a date for that sort of thing.. but some have offered up some criticisms that were helpful for me. Also, one of my closest friends has offered up quite a bit of constructive criticism over the years that has been tremendously beneficial for me in terms of learning what it is about me that isn't exactly ideal dating material so that I can work on myself. Since I've benefitted from feedback and advice like this, that's why I'm suggesting that perhaps you go out on a limb and ask for it and see what comes back. It might be momentarily hurtful, but could be very valuable in the long run.

The sad part is, she probably has no idea that you cared that much. She probably thought, "hmm this is a good casual outing, now onto the next one" without thinking of what she might be doing to you. The only choice here is whether to move on to another girl or stay single.

Yes, while him was focusing on building a bond ONLY with her, I bet she was probably at least texting with 10 other guys from Zoozk other than eddyr and the only reason why it took her 7/8 days before deciding to meet him is because she was serially dating a previous wave of guys, one after one, dropping them all like hot potatoes after first date, until eddyr's turn arrived eventually to be dropped like hot potato like all before him and most probably like many guys will be after him. She's is the employer, the guys are just candidates, an employer co. is never emotionally affected when it declines a candidate, it just moves to the next one, but the declined candidate often does.

Eddyr, don't be surprised if you revisit Zoozk after a couple of years and find the same girl with the same "single" status. This kind of dating process which is very very common among women using dating sites becomes like an addiction to a drug, the endless supply of ready-dates make them so abnormally picky to the point that they get STUCK in an endless filtering loop of seeking Mr. Perfect (despite they deny wanting that) and hence why they are constantly seeking even the minorest "fault" (ie. can be anything stupid from minor personality fault to a pimple) in a candidate to dismiss him so they go for the next, because there's always hope that the next will be even better....and the next might better ...and the next after him might be better...the lengthy loop.

The more I realize and find out about online dating, the more I am hating it, and I urge all decent guys on Earth to never reply on it, not even partially and to focus on real life instead. Women in general are picky in the general population but do not confuse them with this category of women on dating sites who become abnormally picky, I am stressing again on the word abnormally.

There is a reason for that, too. There are far less women than men on dating sites. Therefore, they have a higher pool to choose from and are allowed to be a lot more picky.

Who/what the heck is "PP"?

What does it stand for?

Problem Person?

President Peenouch?

Prince of Perugia?