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hannahal91
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27 Jan 2014, 8:31 pm

So, I've just started dating this guy and he is the first boyfriend I have ever had. I think I do like him because I really enjoy spending time with him, we have a lot in common, I like cuddling with him, and I think about him all the time. But I have to admit, I have kissed him a couple times now and I'm not really "feeling it". I had never kissed a guy before this. Could it be that I just need to get used to it? Sometimes I worry that his means I'm not really attracted to him and I just like him as a friend...in which case I really don't want to hurt him in the end, because he really likes me and right now I say that I like him too and I do want to be his girlfriend. I don't want to lead him on and then tell him I don't feel the same way sometime down the road. But again, I feel like I do like him, I just find kissing to feel weird! I'm just wondering if people with autism or Asperger's in particular don't really like the feeling of kissing, even with people they like.



headhunter228
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27 Jan 2014, 8:46 pm

Sadly, I wouldn't know. That being said, I have heard of a few cases of people on the spectrum who don't like being touched, and kissing falls into that category.

It varies from case to case, but from what I've seen so far, not liking the kissing part of a romantic relationship isn't uncommon. You don't seem utterly repulsed by it, though, so I would give it a bit more time. Maybe you'll get used to it.


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Willard
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27 Jan 2014, 8:53 pm

I can't speak to why you're not "feeling it" - if you're new to it, maybe you're just not doing it right. :lol: Keep practicing.

That said, I find kissing to be a particularly wonderful sensory experience and can blissfully do it for hours. 8)

:? Damn, I miss that.



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27 Jan 2014, 9:06 pm

I do think it's possible to like someone but not enjoy kissing. To me tongues and mouths are those slimy parts that need to be brushed and flossed well to not have any mushy leftover food in them that could be swapped during kissing. :hmph:



Willard
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27 Jan 2014, 9:12 pm

coffeebean wrote:
tongues and mouths are those slimy parts that need to be brushed and flossed well to not have any mushy leftover food in them that could be swapped during kissing. :hmph:



Gah!
:eew: Pick lovers with better hygiene.



MadeUnderground
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27 Jan 2014, 9:16 pm

Willard wrote:
I can't speak to why you're not "feeling it" - if you're new to it, maybe you're just not doing it right. :lol: Keep practicing.

That said, I find kissing to be a particularly wonderful sensory experience and can blissfully do it for hours. 8)

:? Damn, I miss that.


Completely agree with Willard. I find kissing to be my most favorite thing out of everything romantic/sexual to do with someone else. I love doing it for hours and hours.

That being said, after I've gotten a few kisses from different women under my belt, I've found that my enjoyment and feelings from the kiss differ greatly and I'm not entirely sure what it's based upon but I do think it may have something to do with either my sexual attraction/chemistry with them or my true feelings for them combined with physical attraction.

So here it is:

-One girl I dated I would kiss and it was sweet, it felt good but it wasn't great. It was good enough for me at the time and I liked her so I was happy feeling that when she kissed me I felt good about it.
-Another girl I dated I felt nothing when she kissed me. Making out with her was horrible. I think she was an excellent kisser, but there just wasn't anything there. Making out was so terrible with her I would literally be counting seconds/minutes while we were doing it until I pulled away and find some excuse to leave.
-My last girlfriend (we just broke up about a month ago) I felt nothing also. I felt enjoyed making out with her a little bit but for the most part it felt like a chore. I felt really guilty over this but I couldn't change how I felt no matter how hard I wanted to. I guess there was just either no physical attraction or no chemistry there, even though she proclaimed I was the best kisser and (screwer?) she ever had... I wasn't feeling it.

Now there is one girl I kissed that I will never forget.. Our first kiss was electrifying. We both felt it hard. I felt like a jolt of electricity went from her lips to mine to down my spine, my knees, my feet back up to my chest and head. It was incredible. It left me dazed and giddy for hours. You'd think that's how my first kiss ever would be, but by the time I met and dated this girl.. she was like my third or fourth girlfriend, and I had never felt this way when I had kissed any of the others.
Apparently whatever I felt she felt something strong too because she got weak in the knees and collapsed into my arms while trembling.

Even after that kiss, all the other kisses we shared afterwards still would send this.. energy/electricity like feeling surge through my body.

I don't know why that was to this day. Was she a better kisser than the others? She seemed the same to me. Did we have some subconscious strong sexual chemistry we were both unaware of? Were we in love and didn't know it, and it was that emotion that caused it?

I have no clue.

All I know is that it may take several boyfriends until you find one that you really feel something when you kiss them. Or you may be the kind of person who never feels anything when kissing and just don't enjoy it much. I thought I was going to be one of those people too until I had a girlfriend that it felt good with.. not electrifying like the one that happened later on in my life but it was good enough to where I really enjoyed making out / kissing.
I know now that if I kiss someone and I feel nothing, it's going to be a real bummer because then kissing them will feel like a chore and it won't be fun, romantic or enjoyable to me in anyway and that's kind of a big deal. It also may tell me that maybe we have no sexual chemistry or real subconscious attraction?



sly279
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27 Jan 2014, 9:33 pm

what kind of kissing are you doing?

i've tried french kissing once and didin't like it but i hope i will some day as its seems really romantic.

i like kissing skin( hands, arms, neck) and on the lips though. I also like being kissed on my neck and lips.



hannahal91
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27 Jan 2014, 10:29 pm

sly279 wrote:
what kind of kissing are you doing?

i've tried french kissing once and didin't like it but i hope i will some day as its seems really romantic.

i like kissing skin( hands, arms, neck) and on the lips though. I also like being kissed on my neck and lips.


We haven't French kissed (we've only been dating for a week and we're taking it slow since I am so inexperienced, so probably a little too soon for that). I really like it when he kisses my cheek or the top of my head. And it's not like I'm totally repulsed at kissing him on the lips...just feels a bit weird and I don't feel anything "magical" at least as of yet.



ablomov
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27 Jan 2014, 10:38 pm

pity the poor aspi that never got the chance ! !



Northeastern292
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27 Jan 2014, 10:38 pm

Do I enjoy kissing....let's see...um, that's a big YES!

I've had an ex girlfriend tell me that I was a good kisser...a little bit of a confidence boost. I'm not sure if I could date a girl whose not affectionate. I know I couldn't date one whose too affectionate. There is a limit with me, but I think most girls have their limits too.



buffinator
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27 Jan 2014, 11:06 pm

its hard to explain kissing. I actually don't know how closed mouth kisses are really supposed to work. But for a basic open mouth kiss you "pull" on either his upper or lower lip gently with your lips, reset and repeat.

Something that goes on in the background of kissing (and other sex acts involving the mouth or proximity of the nose) is the exchange of pheromones which are literally mood altering psychoactive drugs. Different people have different "cocktails" that will appeal to partners differently. People don't realize this is what they mean when they say they do or don't have "chemistry." Due to cognitive dissonance, if you just keep at it you will like it more and more. You can also do things to maximize the pheromone dose like kissing after an activity (like dancing for example).

remember when you are kissing to fill your thoughts with positivity about the relationship and treat the kiss like a way of channeling raw emotion into your partner. The idea that things "feel right" or "just happen" is mostly a mythology. You need to put cognitive effort into understanding and projecting your emotions through physical affection.

I also know that sometimes relationships that feel balanced are not, and you may be looking for emotional energy (i.e. cortisol triggering pheromones) but instead you are receiving sexual energy (i.e. estrogen/testosterone triggering pheromones). So you need to understand your and your boyfriend's motivations.


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Eureka13
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27 Jan 2014, 11:13 pm

With some people, more than anything else in the world! With others (sometimes even someone I was in a relationship with), I didn't enjoy it that much. It may indeed be all about the chemistry.



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27 Jan 2014, 11:28 pm

Willard wrote:
coffeebean wrote:
tongues and mouths are those slimy parts that need to be brushed and flossed well to not have any mushy leftover food in them that could be swapped during kissing. :hmph:



Gah!
:eew: Pick lovers with better hygiene.


Doesn't matter if it's clean or not, that's all I can think about... Eagerly mashing those little food-havens together in a mess of saliva. :lmao:



b9
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28 Jan 2014, 9:16 am

i do not like kissing



Stalk
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28 Jan 2014, 9:47 am

bestiality isn't my thing.



Marky9
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28 Jan 2014, 9:54 am

In my dating life I have always been indifferent to kissing.

There was one exception when for some reason the other person and I very much enjoyed kissing. I dunno... maybe that was just a special one-off based on our unique chemistry.