Advice on obsession while married

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Just want to state up front that all the advice given here are opinions and not advice from psychologists or doctors. Your situation is always going to be different from everyone else's. If you really feel like you need serious help, go see a psychologist.

That being said...

If you have feelings for someone while you are in a relationship with someone else you are cheating on your husband. You may not be doing it physically but lust is a very real and very destructive thing. Your best bet for your marriage is to disconnect from this individual completely. How you go about doing this is your decision, but here's a healthy suggestion since you work with him:

Very clearly state that you are in a marriage and you are not interested in anything beyond friends with this person. You *must* say "let's just be friends" in one way or another to make it clear to him your monogamy to your husband. As an extra bit, avoid extended one-on-one situations where you cannot be held accountable for your actions. Try to avoid going to lunch with just him (invite co-workers, or bring lunch back to work,) certainly avoid car rides with him and most definitely never go to his house alone.

Cheating is bad, and I think everyone struggles with desire and lust and strong feelings for other people when they're in a relationship at some point. We're all human, and we all have internal struggles. The carnal desire to find the best mate is always on but since you've got a beautiful ring wrapped around that finger you're already taken and you should do everything in your power to make that bond stronger. As a matter of fact, it might not be a bad idea to talk to your husband about this. Do it in a way though that goes to him for advice. Let him know that there's a guy at work and he likes you and you think he's attractive and stuff. Your husband though should be your biggest turn-on. Having told him this stuff he might ask some things which you must return with honesty. Keep in mind that being honest with your man is the best way to be in a relationship -- as you'd want him to be honest with you in similar circumstances -- and just by making him aware of it you guys can have a healthy discussion that will strengthen the relationship and perhaps even numb some of your desires towards this person.

Honestly that's just what I'd do. Your mileage may vary.

TL;DR: Put it out in the wide open you're not interested in a relationship with the man you are not married with, and would prefer to be friends. Avoid one-on-one situations with said individual and talk to your husband about your continuing want to stay in your marriage.

One thing read about was walls and windows (or doors, whatever you like). For a relationship to work, there needs to be open windows between two people, not walls. By hiding things and sharing them with people other than your husband, you're building a wall between him and you and opening a window between yourself and this other guy. If there are walls, it's harder to connect with someone, whereas windows allow better communication.

Make sure you have windows with your husband, and walls with this other bloke.

On a lighter note:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds[/youtube]

If that doesn't bring 'em back from the brink, there's no hope.

To the OP:

As a neurotypical, let me decode some of the language here. I'm guessing that when you're husband said "deal with this on your own" or something of that sort, what he meant, in neurotypical speak, is "YOU had better make the decision to stay away from this guy and protect your marriage, I'M not telling you what to do, YOU decide it on your own." He likely didn't mean "sort it out on your own, and whatever it will be it will be." He meant "You choose me, all on your own." All of your own choosing. He doesn't want to be the path you take (or keep, rather) because he told you to do it. He wants to be your path because you want to be with him. He's telling you to choose, but what I'm guessing he is thinking is "This is a test, and she had better choose me or this marriage is over." As well it should be. As far as I'm concerned, and I'm sorry to sound harsh, but you're already cheating emotionally with this other man. You're lusting after him and even considering acting on this "fantasy." It's gone beyond fantasy at this point. You need to break this off NOW. Stop contact with this person, look for another job, ask for a transfer, or at the very least directly speak to him and verbally set boundaries. If I was in your husband's shoes, I would reconsider my marriage just on the grounds that you're considering this obsession. I would always be wondering if you were fantasizing about the other guy while you were with me, and that would be too much to bear. You've already done damage that might take years to recover from, just from having this obsession and letting it become a real, breathing thing that's standing between you and your husband. I hope you make the RIGHT decision, not the self-indulgent one (sorry), and wish you the best of luck.

I was thinking this same thing, how it would be extremely stressful for me to have these 'wonders' about what's really happening. I already have some large trust issues due to treatment in my past (some vaguely similar to this kind of situation); I absolutely do not want a marriage were I am given this kind of additional 'fuel' to panic and stress over if I can really trust my partner to be loyal to me - these signs that infidelity could be right around the corner.

If I am in a relationship, one of the most important things would be to not have to wonder if I am 'not good enough' and to not feel threatened by the existence of someone else she has an active interest in. It's very unfair and really toys with a person's emotions to do that, whether the person means to or not. Having a person suggest they like you but then, intentionally or unintentionally, pit you against someone else by displaying a strong interest in this other person, is one of the worst feelings I have experienced and I will never stand for it again. It makes you feel disposable, possibly that you're just the 'flavor of the month' until someone better comes along, and makes her words that suggest she likes/cares about you take on a background emptiness that progressively decays the connection you share. I can only imagine it's exponentially worse if you're married to the person doing it.

I'm not going to read this thread for advice but I had bad obsessions about a celeb/idol & my two exes & current girlfriend. I wasn't in the situation your describing OP but finding the rite medication for OCD stops me from getting to obsessed with my girlfriend & the mega huge celeb/idol crush I had before I had my girl.