Is there any hope my needs will ever be met?

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I (NT) and my boyfriend, who is an aspie have been in a relationship for 4 years. He is 50 and I am 44. In the beginning of our relationship he would show signs of affection like holding my hand, putting his arm around me, sending nice text, etc. Now that things have "settled" down I am lucky if I get ANY affection. I try to hold his hand and he tells me I am to hot, try to hug him and he will barely embrace. When I mention this to him told I'm pushing and to stop. Is there any hope that I will ever get the affection I desire? I am a very affectionate/touchy person and this is important to me.

Fear of intimacy would be my guess which often happens for me when I get too intimate with my girlfriend. I pull back to deal with the issue before meeting her needs again. He may need to pull away before coming back, but doesn't know how to do this properly and when to do it. And that is also going with the guess that he cares and wants to keep you.

Either that, or he thinks his language of love should be the only language spoken in the relationship.

Just a couple of ideas.

I need a lot of alone time, even when I like someone a whole lot.

For example, I like to write in a university library. This is my own creative work which takes a lot of concentration. Then I might like to roam at a used bookstore, new bookstore, seeing a movie, people watching in a bar, all by myself.

It's like I need alone time for emotional processing.

When I try and be 'good' and give the person a lot of togetherness time for their sake but not our sake, that tends not to work out real well.

*PS I'm self-diagnosed, but very comfortably self-diagnosed. And I'm a story / narrative aspie rather than a technical or visual thinking aspie.

It's probably worthwhile to have a discussion as to how he displays affection and how that matches (or doesn't) with your needs. Relationships are two-way streets. In fact, this specific problem was why my Aspie partner and I originally split. We are now back together, albeit in a polyamorous relationship where I have an NT partner as well to meet my need for verbal/physical displays of affection.

He may have sensory issues that he forced himself to push past when you two 1st started dating but now after things have settled down feels he's not required to. Unfortunately I don't have much advice on how to handle this except to try talking to him & maybe he can be more verbally affectionate or do little things to show he cares. This may not be something where you two can find a fair middle compromise.

Thanks all. I have tried to have conversations with him in a non-threatening way and it always ends the same..."I'm pushing and need to stop" it feels like a one way street, all about him, never about me. He has a lot of great qualities that I just love, but this frustrates me. Leaves me lonely.

Ultimately, if you don't feel like your needs are being met, then you need to consider whether this is the right relationship for you.